I was raised a preacher's *******. Even today I still find myself, at times, feeling that I am going to go to hell for how I live and what I have done. Often my head and my heart battle. I know in my heart that how I live is okay, yet, according to the Bible, it can be considered a sin.
Although I was raised with a strict Christian background, I always felt that my wants and desires were acceptable because my wants and desires included loving others. Until I met my current hubby, I never dated more than one guy at a time and would never have imagined having a husband who would not only allow me to have sex with other men, but would also encourage it.
My current hubby was a pastor years ago as well. And although he headed his own church, he and his wife participated in the swinging lifestyle. My current hubby explained to me that the ten commandments were from the old law, the law that Christ fulfilled. He said, "Christ's words were, (John 13:34-35) 34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
I had never, before I met my husband, understood that scripture to mean and to included sexually loving others. Now I do. I also understand and have understood that adultery was pertaining to ownership of women at the time the scriptures were written. When a man had sex with a married woman, he was stealing his property. That is no longer the case.
I will admit that I think about this a lot, but I do not let it get in the way of how I live my life. While my husband was a pastor and was married to his ex wife, he did date women in his "flock." It was agreed upon by both the husbands and the wives of the couples that it was okay for my husband and these men's wives to see each other, sexually. Did that make my husband a sinner or a hypocrite? No. It made him a man who followed the greatest of commandments. He loved others.
For the longest time I felt guilty for having sex with others, then I had to think of how I was raised. I was an adopted ******* with 3 other adopted brothers and a brother and a sister who were my parents birth children. We were raised in a tiny town of 42 people with the nearest town being 42 miles away. Outside of our house, we had to live the perfect Christian lives. So, needless to say, what happened inside of the house was a different story all together.
I was 11 when I had my first sexual encounter. And it was with my parents birth ******* who was 16. While he and I were getting to know each other in a very new way, my next youngest adopted brother, who was 15, walked in on us. Needless to say, he was my second sexual experience. Soon after, I had sex with my other two brothers as well. They were both 14 at the time. This, too, according to the Bible, would have been a sin. But what is a girl to do in a town with 42 people in it who watched everything you did?
Our parents were usually at the church or at the next town witnessing. So, us ******* were left home alone a lot. When we weren't at the church doing "church" work or tending to our house and garden, we had little to do in the small town I grew up in. My ******* read to us a lot from the Bible and my mom never saw much good in any of us ******* they had adopted. She, as she put it, used reverse psychology on us by putting us down as a motivator to become better people.
We moved to a larger town in another state when I was 14. By that time I had quite a bit of sexual experience. When I went to high school, I met with friends who I had met through church functions in years past. They had pastor parents as well. And, yes, it is true what they say. On the first day of high school I saw the guy I knew I was going to date. I looked at a friend I had known for years and told her that I would date him. She said I had no change. And I proved her wrong.
This guy, Chris, and I did date all through high school. His family moved after we graduated, but in between when we met and his family moved away we were like rabbits. He was popular. He was tall and he had looks that could *******. When we first met there was lightning between the two of us that I have not felt since him. And Hubby and I are planning on visiting him this summer in hopes that he and I can reconnect. It is our hope that when I reconnect with Chris that he will want me back in his life again and will agree to become our third, our King of Our bedroom. But I digress.
Chris and I were on my front porch when my mom caught us. I was wearing a dress and was sitting in Chris' lap. When my mom walked out of the house Chris was cumming in me. There wasn't a lot either of us could do. This was my mom's opportunity to either damn me to hell or to give me the talk she hadn't yet given any of us.
My mom told Chris to leave and told me to get in the house. Once inside, my mom told me that what I was doing was not something a Christian girl should be doing. I agreed that what I did may not have been right as far as where we were doing it, but I disagreed as to what a "Christian girl" should be doing.
I remembered going to camp each year at the church camp and seeing girls and boys going out at night and then hearing about what they had done while they were in the woods. I remember saying to myself that what I did was nothing that others hadn't done but never really talked about. And that is how I live my life today. Today I live my life the way others do or wish that they could.
Like I said earlier, I still sometimes think that I am going to go to hell for my actions, but I balance these thoughts with the fact that when I have sex with other men I am loving them in a very special way, and in doing so I am also loving myself and my husband. Since my husband feels most loved when I have sex with other men, by having sex with other men I am loving my husband in his love language.
My husband's love languages are physical touch, and gifts. By seeing me with other men my husband's need for gift giving are accomplished by me being with other men. And to me, if loving other men is how I can best love my husband, then I am going to make him feel loved as often as I possibly can.
We are both givers. He is able to give by giving me to other men, and I am able to give back to him by having sex with other men in front of him and by having him be with me after I have been with others. And because he prefers it, I only have sex with my hubby if another man or other men have had me first. That is also why I have sex with others on a daily basis. If I want to have my husband and I want him to be happy every day, then I have to have other men. And that actually pleases us both.
So, if you are going to let religious beliefs stand in your way of having the life you wish you could have, then you have only yourself to blame. I say follow the words of Christ, (John 13:34-35) 34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” If the Bible is your guide, then follow the words of Christ himself, and you will never go wrong.
