No say at all. And it’s so damn thrilling for me.
For the first week to ten days of watching my young black buddy vigorously fucking my wife nightly beside me on our bed, I was able to fool myself that I as the husband had the say and called the shots, and I behaved as if I did.
The realisation that I didn’t have the say or anything like it broke upon me so suddenly and traumatically I thought I was having a nightmare. It was a very bad trip indeed.
The realisation dawned on me as if a control-switch had been thrown in my brain.
The circumstance of it was that my buddy was up on my wife and thrusting his huge erection not at all brutally but to the contrary very slowly and beautifully smoothly into my wife. She was smiling up at him and kissing him back and gently murmuring her love for him into his ear.
All of a sudden I realised they weren’t fucking but actually making love and completely caught up in each other’s beauty and the miracle of sexual coupledom, and I was suddenly overwhelmed with envy and extreme jealousy and a ghastly sense of loss.
What I did then I will regret for the rest of my life. I muttered to my buddy that it would best if he stopped fucking my wife.
My wife heard me and whispered to my buddy “Please don’t my darling”.
He glanced sideways at me as if to ask my permission for what I suddenly realised he was very obviously determined to do. Namely not to withdraw but to go on and finish the fuck.
He turned away from me and locked eyes again with my wife, kissing her even more passionately than before and quickly upping the rate and for ce of his thrusting into her.
Within fifteen minutes or so they orgasmed together and, very distressingly for me, way more convulsively and loudly than I had ever heard them.
The sudden realisation of my total loss of control of their lovemaking made me so dizzy and spin out that I rolled away from their still passionately inter-thrusting bodies and retreated to the edge of the bed from where, open-mouthed and panicking and suddenly retching and strangely horrorstricken, I watched the lovers finish their fuck.
I knew very surely that Nemesis had struck for me and that I would never again be able to dictate a single term or have any say at all as to when and how and for how long my buddy and my wife made love in the future.
My actually awful sense of loss of whatever say I vainly thought I had before that decisive fuck, almost miraculously turned, within only a few short minutes, into one of great relief.
From that experience I learned that power and control have no place whatever in lovemaking or in watching others engaging in it.
It was a huge relief and blessing for me inasmuch as it freed me to partake, both close-in and at a distance, much more intimately and enjoyably than ever in the lovemaking between my buddy and my wife without me inhibiting or getting in the way of the fullest expression of their intensely erotic love for each other.
They noticed it straightaway and it freed them too, to make perfectly uninhibited love in my presence without taking anything to do with me including my reactions of the moment into account.