I gotta say I've had quite a bit of experience on all sides of the spectrum.
One of my first sexual experiences with a white 40 something woman married next door neighbour. When I was holiday from uni studies, she used to sunbathe topless, concealed, but visible by my bedroom window. Looking back, it seemed deliberate, but to begin with it wasn't obvious. I was a strapping horny young 19 year old, I'm sure she used to play cat and mouse with it. The first time I stared at her from outside the window, I honestly thought she would catch me, be angry, and dash indoors. But she seemed to take ages to react, rolling over, pointing her toes, stretching, though when she did finally look up she got flustered, flushing and rushed back jiggling naked white titties back into her house. She may have been playing, or perhaps she suddenly got a little scared, you can never tell with a woman. But that cat and mouse game eventually led to her slowly getting excited with her 'show', I got to flirting from the window, to talking to her whilst sunbathing, seducing her, and ultimately fucking the ******* out of her in her own marital bed.
Now I was young then, and it was sexy, thrilling, I felt like an alpha male who had claimed her and given her pleasure that was superior to her husband. At the time it was fucking incredible because it was much more complex, daring, and primal than normal vanilla. This woman didn't know how lusty she would get. But, BUT! I was also guilty, my heart went out to him, and her, and that was the first and only time we ever did it. She didn't have to see me for much because I went back to uni to study, but that to me was not a particularly healthy style of doing things, and I'm sure she was wracked with guilt for a long time. And in many ways she was right it was something to be ashamed of. While the lust was titilating and exciting, in no way did it feed back into the marriage, and it just smacked of a lack of integrity and losing control, it just all died. It didn't have to, but that speaks to the quality of relating going on from start to finish.
Since then, I've met a few kinds of people. Alot of women fall into the category of excitable little does who just get caught up in deeply electric lust. Ride the black taboo train, shy and sweet, a deep submissive streak who have been excited by the idea but have never had a man to make them feel desired, wanted, and submissive. Then there are just the cockteasing bitches, either naturally dominant, or just completely devoid of ethics. Either they have a submissive husband, or more common, they basically give no ******* for their husband, at best he says he is fine with it even though you can tell he has low self esteem, at worst she is just an abusive whore who has everything handed to her and thinks just because she has a pussy she is god's gift. In my view, if the man wants to fuck around like a stud emulating her he has absolute right to do that.
Or you get the slightly nicer but just as prone to cheat, the woman who is in a half assed relationship with a man, and instead of her black lover adding to them, she basically just wants to leave her partner, which is pretty damned vile, and I find that heart breaking.
With the submissive types, sometimes there is an unease because they have a black fantasy, but they feel guilty about their husband and what he will think. By and large these usually tend to be submissive kinds of men, who funnily enough, I've often kindly but also seductively got involved, because they enjoyed being dominated by their wives and being the beta male. It is a small break of trust in relationship, I've pushed someone's boundaries seducing them, but kind of knowing that in the background is a healthy relationship. Or, these women tend to have naturally dominant men, where it's not cuckolding at all it's just swinging but perhaps they have a racial fetish.
I would make the distinction, that secrets are fine, but cheating and affairs are fucking not. Sometimes it's titilating, to push a woman's edges, make her so deeply excited she will become extremely submissive and shock herself, or push the husband in the same degree. The unknown is inherently sexy, and sometimes consensual mystery is one of the most erotic things on the planet. Sometimes I will go further than the couples rules, and ultimately they come to like it because I do not take over their relationship, I respect their side of things and encourage them to become more kinky. But that is with seduction, dark playfulness and having their best interests in mind. Lust always pushes peoples edges, the virgin who starts off all shy, starts getting her own confidence and boundaries and before long she is suckling on sweaty black nuts telling you how much she wants to tear her apart lol. Or the wife and husband who say they are not into humiliation, when the intelligent lust hits the man often likes to feel small, almost baby like as opposed to shame, and the wife likes to lovingly dominate him. I am a conniving devious bastard who knows the difference between and actual no, and one where they are just a little scared and confused. While I push down walls, I also strengthen them, if someone is getting left out I hate it, because I actually care about people.
Even if people keep sexy secrets. To some degree I think it's fine to have a private part of you your partner doesn't know about, to come online, feel dirty, dangerous, and independent. But you have to make sure that energy comes back to the person you care most about, in some form or another. If you find yourself being submissive or dominant it needs to come back, fantasy, role-play, all of that.
So there are people who respect relationships and intimacy and are deeply sexy, then there are the cunts and dicks who basically just lose their ******* whenever a tiny drop of lust gets in their veins, their partners, their bulls, anyone they can use to get off, become extremely disposable. Being dangerous and daring, and caring can be a tricky balance in the short term, but ultimately is obvious when done right by most. I can't stand the cunts and dicks, they make my ******* boil, they are ******* in the sack, confused, heartless, and just rob and steal peoples natural zest and desire. And while it may be sexy at first, they usually hit a wall of hate, self-hate, with a huge lost too their personality via some big fucked up addiction that hampers all their abilities to relate sensibly.