I have been very fortunate over the 3 relationships that were lifestyle/sharing based but the best has been my current (and with any luck forever) lady.
Lifestyle Experience 1 - Ex-Wife
With my ex-wife we stumbled into sharing pretty much by accident. Neither of us knew the terminology, or anything like that but fairly early through storytelling and role playing she enjoyed both larger cocks (dildos) and the notion of other men and for my part was turned by the notion of her enjoying same.
We carried on like that for quite a while until I just came out and asked her if she wanted to make the extra partner(s) and big cocks a reality. There was no tact, no lead up, I just straight up asked. She was game and we made it a reality. For myself, the first time she took a much larger cock than mine was such a mind blowing turn on for me, I knew that this was a lifestyle I would really enjoy.
We ended up going or separate ways but it was in no way a result of our sex lives.
Lifestyle Experience 2 - Jess
My second lifestyle relationship initially started out like many of the guys here in that I knew what I wanted but I was to afraid of a negative outcome to speak up.
The opportunity came up when she was approached by a great guy while we were in Vegas. Nothing happened there (contrary to most fantasy writings) but it did allow the topic to come up. She had been concerned that I was angry and jealous. I explained a bit of my experiences with my ex and that I was “Wired differently” than most guys.
She didn’t believe me at first and also made the standard comment about me bringing it up as a way to have sex with other women. Several weeks of discussion here and there about it and some teasing about the topic on her part and she began to realize that I was dead serious about the whole thing.
After some ground rules were laid out, we enjoyed a few years of great play sessions. Again we went our different ways but by then I was MUCH more comfortable talking about what I wanted.
Lifestyle Experience 3 - Katie
Katie I initially met while racing and we dated for a bit and then she moved away. There was no lifestyle play at all at that point but the relationship was super fun.
When she moved back to Calgary she looked me up and as I was single and she was single, we agreed to pick up where we left off. Right off though she opened up to me that over the years she had discovered she was bi and didn’t want to give that up if at all possible.
For my part I told her that not only was that not a problem but that I was totally fine with her enjoying both men and women at her leisure. Again we discussed things, laid out some rules (most of which went out the window the more lifestyle involved we got) and she and I crossed off a TON of sexual related bucket list items.
She ended up meeting a great girl and they clearly had “THAT” connection. I stepped aside and as far as I know they are still together.
This brings me to my current relationship. When I met B it was clear to both of us fairly quickly that we were fantastic together. I had typically dated much younger women but B is closer to my own age.
When we got serious with each other I knew I wanted to be honest with her about my desires and the way I’m “wired” as I like to call it in regards to sharing and lifestyle.
I was absolutely scared shitless about how she might react because if it was negative and she called it quits on us, I knew I would be crushed.
She was (and is) important enough to me that regardless of the outcome I had to be straight up with her.
I told her about my past, the fact that I really enjoyed watching my partners with other men and usually much better endowed men.
Now because I said at the beginning of my post this was the best relationship I’ve had, you might be thinking she said “That’s great!” and we’ve had non -stop sharing play sessions since then.
Well that would be wrong. After I told her, she sat there for a bit, asked a couple of questions and then said straight out “That’s not for me and I’m not interested in that at all”.
She didn't freak out, or storm out, call me a freak, perv, or whatever. She simply said that wasn’t for her. She went on to say if that was what turned me on and I needed it to have sexual satisfaction then she was fine with that but I would have to get it from porn or us roleplaying in the bedroom but beyond that it was a no go.
So why the hell am I here you might ask. Well over the time we have been seeing each other, she began to ask some questions about how “IT” (sharing) works, what sort of things are involved, etc.
We have watched videos on the subject and I signed up here so we could browse together and she keeps asking more questions. For my part I can help answer real questions about being in the lifestyle (I’m not into feeding other guys fantasy material) and can stay “in touch” so to speak with the lifestyle elements.
She hasn’t expressed any further interest beyond asking questions and some bedroom role playing and at the end of the day I’m fine with that. IF she ever wanted to take things further I would be happy (of course) but if not, I’m good with that too.
I know I wrote a huge amount of text here but I felt it was important to share both the positive responses I have had in opening up to my partners about my desires as well as the initial negative response I received.
Ultimately though, I 100% do not feel I’m missing out on anything. Partly because of the fact I’ve already enjoyed so much but in large part because my girlfriend and I have been able to communicate with each other and that is SO important.
Your S.O. shares in every aspect of your life and if you genuinely call them your partner, how can you withhold something as deeply seated as your sexual desires/feelings/emotions.
If you don’t feel that your relationship has the strong foundation of trust that you need to be able to open up, then that is the first thing that needs to be addressed.
Ok I’m stopping now. Sorry for the hugely long text wall.
Cheers!