My hope with this post is to continue to provide some basics that can help men, women and couples enjoy this LS in a way that keeps everyone safe, but also maximizes the "FUN"
After all - we are all here for sexual exploration, expression and fun.
There are 3 parts to Sexual Safety that I will cover in this post
1. STI/DDF
2. Trust and Respect
3. Safety Assurance
STI/DDF - I dont want to assume anything, so if this does not apply to you - then simply move on to #2. Everyone that is sexually active should get tested regularly. That means you should get tested every 3 months when you begin playing with a new partner. If you have multiple partners, the best advice (I know this will be hard) but you should abstain from sex for 3 weeks and then get tested again before resuming play with all partners. The extra level of testing assures your partners that you take your and their health seriously. And if you do no-condom sex, you can play with a higher level of comfort that everyone is DDF.
2. Trust and Respect
This seems to be the most challenging part for people meeting for the first time. It's not a gender specific issue, just a human issue. How do you develop chemistry, trust and respect with someone you just met, dont know that well, or beginning to learn about.
What I would recommend everyone do before you begin meeting people is create a short list of topics, issues or answers that are DEAL BREAKERS. Yes, what are the things that are "no go's" for you. Its important to have that list and to ask those questions, because why spend time with someone that believes in things or has answers that lead to non-starters for you. Its a waste of your time and a waste of the other person's time.
Example: If you care about someone political ideas, then you should ask. If you care if a person has multiple partners, you should ask. If you are hoping to meet someone who will "have sex with you" multiple times per week - you should ask about how often they can meet you.
Asking these types of questions, narrows down the right person for you. But when you hear the answer, please do not judge the person. Everyone has a right to their own belief system and their own way of living. Just because they choose to live their life a different way, does not make them a bad person. Be respectful, and just politely say that "thats a deal breaker" for me, but I appreciate the chat.
3. Sexual Safety
In multiple conversations I have had with men and women over the last month, there has been a lot of confusion when it comes to this point. What is sexual safety?
didnt' we cover that in #1 and #2.
And the truth is that sexual safety centers around consent. And there is a lot of debate and anxiety around consent. Here's why?
Once someone engages in sexual activity they can "change their mind" about if they like something or enjoying themselves. This tends to worry people because everything was going ok until that point. What happened?
In order to avoid any issues or anxiety and to provide and ensure full sexual safety for both partners. Please use a safe word. The most common safe word is "RED"
The minute you say the safe word, the partner is supposed to STOP immediately. They do not need to ask, they do not need to wait 5 seconds. Just STOP.
After you STOP, then ask the partner if everything is ok, if they need help, or if something happened?
In many of my encounters with women either alone or with their husbands, the women have used the safe word. Why?
Because I am beyond intense in the bedroom. I typically connect mental play along with emotional sexual teasing, which tends to lead to an over-stimulation of the brain and body. Many women have used the safe word to just STOP - take a moment = catch their breath - and then they can resume.
The first time a woman used the safe word, I was deeply nervous and concerned. Had I done something wrong? But the women assured me that everything was great, she was loving every second of it - but that she couldn't physically breathe anymore.
A little known fact, but men and women orgasm very differently. For some women, their orgasms can effect their lungs and breathing. If a woman goes into orgasm and continues to pant, she can literally begin to grasp for air and that is where the "light headed" feeling starts to manifest itself for some women. In fact, I had one partner in the past who after orgasming, she would pass out for 2 minutes. Yes, PASS OUT. She had warned me ahead of time that this would occur, but when it happened that first time, I was well, besides myself.
If you follow all 3 areas of sexual safety, your encounters can go to a new higher level of passion and excitement.
I have been told by many women that being with me, having sex with me was the most intense and passionate experience of their lives.
They frequently ask, how did I make that happen. And at the base level, I walk them through these 3 points.
For the men out there, just think about it. Women are hit on all the time. Women are sexualized and objectified. Do they need another guy to do that, or do they want something more?
Also, think about this - what would make you feel comfortable with someone you dont know.
1. You want to know that they aren't a goofball when it comes to sexual health. Do you take care of yourself?
Check
2. You want to know if that person clicks with you, can you connect with them on more than just a physical attractive level - can you "let" go and enjoy the moment. That will only happen with someone that you like, admire, want to talk to and want to learn from and with. an exploration partner.
Check
3. Finally, the most important aspect of safety. Women are put into positions that when something goes wrong - they are blamed for it. How would that make you feel? If you have a sister, cousin, aunt, ******* - is that how you want them to be treated by sex partners? Having a safe word gives every single woman a "STOP" card. Being able to use it, even just to catch her breath, gives her 100% assurance that whatever happens will only be things she likes, wants and enjoys.
There is nothing wrong with trying something new - but women want to know that exploring won't come at a price. If she tries something that is outside of her comfort zone, that she can quickly say "I dont like this" STOP.
The safe word allows her to STOP things right then and there.
Check.
Im so glad that you read this post. Please let me know what you think and I hope you continue to be safe in 2021.
After all - we are all here for sexual exploration, expression and fun.
There are 3 parts to Sexual Safety that I will cover in this post
1. STI/DDF
2. Trust and Respect
3. Safety Assurance
STI/DDF - I dont want to assume anything, so if this does not apply to you - then simply move on to #2. Everyone that is sexually active should get tested regularly. That means you should get tested every 3 months when you begin playing with a new partner. If you have multiple partners, the best advice (I know this will be hard) but you should abstain from sex for 3 weeks and then get tested again before resuming play with all partners. The extra level of testing assures your partners that you take your and their health seriously. And if you do no-condom sex, you can play with a higher level of comfort that everyone is DDF.
2. Trust and Respect
This seems to be the most challenging part for people meeting for the first time. It's not a gender specific issue, just a human issue. How do you develop chemistry, trust and respect with someone you just met, dont know that well, or beginning to learn about.
What I would recommend everyone do before you begin meeting people is create a short list of topics, issues or answers that are DEAL BREAKERS. Yes, what are the things that are "no go's" for you. Its important to have that list and to ask those questions, because why spend time with someone that believes in things or has answers that lead to non-starters for you. Its a waste of your time and a waste of the other person's time.
Example: If you care about someone political ideas, then you should ask. If you care if a person has multiple partners, you should ask. If you are hoping to meet someone who will "have sex with you" multiple times per week - you should ask about how often they can meet you.
Asking these types of questions, narrows down the right person for you. But when you hear the answer, please do not judge the person. Everyone has a right to their own belief system and their own way of living. Just because they choose to live their life a different way, does not make them a bad person. Be respectful, and just politely say that "thats a deal breaker" for me, but I appreciate the chat.
3. Sexual Safety
In multiple conversations I have had with men and women over the last month, there has been a lot of confusion when it comes to this point. What is sexual safety?
didnt' we cover that in #1 and #2.
And the truth is that sexual safety centers around consent. And there is a lot of debate and anxiety around consent. Here's why?
Once someone engages in sexual activity they can "change their mind" about if they like something or enjoying themselves. This tends to worry people because everything was going ok until that point. What happened?
In order to avoid any issues or anxiety and to provide and ensure full sexual safety for both partners. Please use a safe word. The most common safe word is "RED"
The minute you say the safe word, the partner is supposed to STOP immediately. They do not need to ask, they do not need to wait 5 seconds. Just STOP.
After you STOP, then ask the partner if everything is ok, if they need help, or if something happened?
In many of my encounters with women either alone or with their husbands, the women have used the safe word. Why?
Because I am beyond intense in the bedroom. I typically connect mental play along with emotional sexual teasing, which tends to lead to an over-stimulation of the brain and body. Many women have used the safe word to just STOP - take a moment = catch their breath - and then they can resume.
The first time a woman used the safe word, I was deeply nervous and concerned. Had I done something wrong? But the women assured me that everything was great, she was loving every second of it - but that she couldn't physically breathe anymore.
A little known fact, but men and women orgasm very differently. For some women, their orgasms can effect their lungs and breathing. If a woman goes into orgasm and continues to pant, she can literally begin to grasp for air and that is where the "light headed" feeling starts to manifest itself for some women. In fact, I had one partner in the past who after orgasming, she would pass out for 2 minutes. Yes, PASS OUT. She had warned me ahead of time that this would occur, but when it happened that first time, I was well, besides myself.
If you follow all 3 areas of sexual safety, your encounters can go to a new higher level of passion and excitement.
I have been told by many women that being with me, having sex with me was the most intense and passionate experience of their lives.
They frequently ask, how did I make that happen. And at the base level, I walk them through these 3 points.
For the men out there, just think about it. Women are hit on all the time. Women are sexualized and objectified. Do they need another guy to do that, or do they want something more?
Also, think about this - what would make you feel comfortable with someone you dont know.
1. You want to know that they aren't a goofball when it comes to sexual health. Do you take care of yourself?
Check
2. You want to know if that person clicks with you, can you connect with them on more than just a physical attractive level - can you "let" go and enjoy the moment. That will only happen with someone that you like, admire, want to talk to and want to learn from and with. an exploration partner.
Check
3. Finally, the most important aspect of safety. Women are put into positions that when something goes wrong - they are blamed for it. How would that make you feel? If you have a sister, cousin, aunt, ******* - is that how you want them to be treated by sex partners? Having a safe word gives every single woman a "STOP" card. Being able to use it, even just to catch her breath, gives her 100% assurance that whatever happens will only be things she likes, wants and enjoys.
There is nothing wrong with trying something new - but women want to know that exploring won't come at a price. If she tries something that is outside of her comfort zone, that she can quickly say "I dont like this" STOP.
The safe word allows her to STOP things right then and there.
Check.
Im so glad that you read this post. Please let me know what you think and I hope you continue to be safe in 2021.
