Please help me. I am desperate and need advice.

[MarkH1983]

So, I receive a text message just a minute ago from an unknown number I am not familiar with telling me to cease contact with my wife or an order of protection will be filed against me. Cease contact? My wife has refused to see me since our initial talk and now that I am back in the house, our only contact has been via text. I have never layed a hand on this woman. and have no arrest record, and I am being threatened because of texts asking her how she is doing? I can only assume this is him. Should I respond?

 

[Kuno]

So, I receive a text message just a minute ago from an unknown number I am not familiar with telling me to cease contact with my wife or an order of protection will be filed against me. Cease contact? My wife has refused to see me since our initial talk and now that I am back in the house, our only contact has been via text. I have never layed a hand on this woman. and have no arrest record, and I am being threatened because of texts asking her how she is doing? I can only assume this is him. Should I respond?

No! Don't respond and don't contact her anymore. Gosh, that was easy.

We're going to have to start charging you for the advice.

 

[Wboi]

First, I want to say before I proceed that I hope the admins here will allow a post from a brand new member that is seeking advice/help. My wife, my high school sweetheart and first love and I have been married 2 years after years of living together. Last year, we decided to spice up our sex life and discuss the possibility of her being with a black man. She was initially opposed and came around at my urging. I am, and have always been a bit on the sexually submissive side. I am of the mindset that black men, in general are superior to white men, especially in the bedroom. I wanted my wife to experience that.
We ended up meeting a really great guy off of a dating app. He had everything going for him. Handsome, educated, successful, muscular, and the BBC. The first time he was with my wife I watched them. I had never seen her behave in such a way when we had sex. He completely dominated her (In a non hurtful way) and she fully submitted to him. She appeared to love every minute of sex with him. After a few times, she informs me she didn't want to see him any longer. Because I always respected her wishes, I agreed. Whatever she wanted. Over the last 6 months, our sex life literally has become non existent. She won't let me touch her in any way. We get along fine and she is affectionate, but not like before.
I have asked her all along if she loves me and if she's happy and she says yes. I was suspecting her of seeing someone else, and I asked her if she met someone else and she has denied it.
So I set a trap for her because I needed to know the truth. Told her I was going to Jacksonville for business and that I would be gone 2 days. I checked into a local hotel and rented a car she wouldn't recognize and waited across the street from our home during the evening. On the very first night I am away, I see her pull into the garage around dinnertime and a black Cadillac Escalade pulled in behind. Who gets out but the black gentleman we met off the dating app. I waited about 20 minutes or so and get out of the car and run to the side of the house where our bedroom window is located. I can hear pretty much everything they are talking about because our windows are original, single pane windows that are in desperate need of replacement. Their conversation is pretty basic and then I begin to hear them passionately kiss and that leads to sex, in our martial bed. I could hear them talking to one another during sex, saying I love you, etc. I am sitting there, back to the wall of our home listening to everything, devastated. I get up, get in the car and head back to my hotel. I wake up early the next day, his SUV is still there. He spent the night. Mind you, I texted my wife around 11 the night prior telling her I was at the hotel relaxing. She texted me back a bit later telling me "I love you and goodnight".
Night two "away" I return to wait for her to arrive home from work. She arrives alone and about an hour or so later, he shows up again. I do the same exact thing I did the night before, sit on the side of the house, just below my bedroom window and listen to them have sex this time for about 2 hours. It concluded with him asking her if "he could cum inside of her" and she responded "yes, I want to feel you inside of me".
Now dont get me wrong, I am happy she enjoys being with this man in a way she never has with me. He is a good guy, quality person and I did inititate this originally, so I do share alot of the blame. I am just fearful I am losing her to him and eventually she is going to divorce me.

I return home from the "business trip" and everything is "normal" like before but no sex or intimacy between us whatsoever. I am also very concerned that she could potentially end up pregnant. Why do I say that? Well, when they first were getting together and I knew about it and was present, he had inititally asked if he had to wear a condom. My wife and I both agreed wearing a condom was a must as my wife has never been able to handle the side effects of the birth control pill. We always prevented pregancy in the past with me wearing one. He asked to cum inside of her that second night and she said yes. Why would he ask that if he were wearing a condom? Makes no sense, does it?

I am home tonight, sitting here and once again, head still spinning. I want to just come right out and ask her but I am fearful of her response.
Please, admins, I have literally no one else to talk to about this. If you can allow this post just long enough for me to get some advice, I would deeply appreciate it. I love my wife and just want my marriage to return to normal but I do not know how.

If anyone here wants to contact me, plz feel free to send me a private message.

Thank you so much.

Sorry Dude, but you are screwed. She has a BBC lover now. I'd get a lawyer, file devorce, let him take care of her now. This life style can ruin marriages, and lives, it's not for everyone. You learned a hard lesson. Sex isn't everything. There's more to life in a relationship

 

[Wboi]

So, I receive a text message just a minute ago from an unknown number I am not familiar with telling me to cease contact with my wife or an order of protection will be filed against me. Cease contact? My wife has refused to see me since our initial talk and now that I am back in the house, our only contact has been via text. I have never layed a hand on this woman. and have no arrest record, and I am being threatened because of texts asking her how she is doing? I can only assume this is him. Should I respond?

No don't respond, this could get ugly for you, get a lawyer, I would not talk to your wife either

 

[Thorreal]

You haven't lost her if she still coming home. Introduce her to another bull. If she takes that bait, then she just loves sex. The other bull would then leave her along. Introduce her to another bull.

 

[Wboi]

I appreciate everyone taking the time to reach out and give such detailed advice. I spent a week away from this site and the internet in general to give myself some time to really think about how things went wrong. The bottom line is simple. We have spent our entire adult lives together and only knew each other. I foolishly didn't think this through when I encouraged her to be with someone else, and obviously she found something she believes is far superior to me and more satisfying and she couldn't walk away.
I just hope for her sake that leaving me for a 29 year old guy, who's never been married, and who carried on an affair with a married woman doesn't end up biting her in the ass, but that is no longer my problem. She has chosen him over me and our marriage.

After paying $250.00 for one hour with a lawyer, I agreed to the unconstested divorce she offered and on Wednesday of this week, signed the papers. The Attorney who advised me said I would be foolish to reject this deal as she is walking away from everything, including our martial home which has equity in it, my 401K, and household furnishings. We have agreed to equally split our savings, and what monies are in the joint checking account. I am told by my lawyer that the divorce will probably happen in as soon as 30 days. Just waiting on a court date.

I still struggle and don't understand why she had to rush this. I was hoping for some time to try and work things out. I was even willing to agree to a separation to ensure this is what she really wanted, and give her time with him, but what's done is done.

I am now back in the house. She moved out after I signed the divorce papers. I asked her via text where she went but she ignored my question. I can only assume she is living with him. I do want to know though because it will make me feel better knowing she isn't alone.

I am devastated and heartbroken, and I will miss her in my life, but I have no choice but to accept the cards I have been dealt. I have an appointment next week with a therapist. I am going to need the guidance of a professional to get over this loss and the guilt I have to go along with it.

I want to thank everyone here who has reached out in the comment threads and by personal message. The support has helped me and my family is really stepping up to the plate as well. I also want to thank the group administrator for allowing my post. I do realize this is an unusual situation, and posts like this are probably not the norm, but posting here and receiving all the advice/support has helped me greatly and for that, I am extremely grateful.

She made a huge mistake, he'll grow tired of her and fool around on her, let her go,walk away, kick the dust off your feet with her. She's trash , move on. You'll bounce back, bet she she tries to get back with you later on, don't do it. Good luck man

 

[Alissa]

So, I receive a text message just a minute ago from an unknown number I am not familiar with telling me to cease contact with my wife or an order of protection will be filed against me. Cease contact? My wife has refused to see me since our initial talk and now that I am back in the house, our only contact has been via text. I have never layed a hand on this woman. and have no arrest record, and I am being threatened because of texts asking her how she is doing? I can only assume this is him. Should I respond?

Bro, seriously, WTF is wrong with you? Can you not make any decision without asking for advice? If this is the way you are normally, is it any wondering your wife left you for another man? My guess is her new man is the POLAR OPPOSITE of you which is why he, with the BBC won her over.
DO NOT respond to that message. If you are contacting her, even by text, and she has asked you to leave her alone, that is harrassment and they could have ground.
You lost, man. He won. Get over it, move on with your own life and let them move on with theirs.

 

[Alissa]

She made a huge mistake, he'll grow tired of her and fool around on her, let her go,walk away, kick the dust off your feet with her. She's trash , move on. You'll bounce back, bet she she tries to get back with you later on, don't do it. Good luck man

Bro, you don't know that. I met my wife the very same way. I was her BBC bull. She accidently got pregnant by me on the pill, and her ex dumped her because she wouldn't have an abortion. I stepped up, owned up to my responsibility, and took care of the woman who was carrying my kid. We are now married and expecting our third baby.
I'm offended you're assuming all black men walk away from women. Seriously, bro.

 

[Wboi]

Bro, you don't know that. I met my wife the very same way. I was her BBC bull. She accidently got pregnant by me on the pill, and her ex dumped her because she wouldn't have an abortion. I stepped up, owned up to my responsibility, and took care of the woman who was carrying my kid. We are now married and expecting our third baby.
I'm offended you're assuming all black men walk away from women. Seriously, bro.

I didn't say that , you did. If he's fooling around with a married women, he'll do it again. If she could leave him that easily, she didn't really love him. She sounds like white trash to me, let her go, see if it works out for her, I'm betting it doesn't? Seriously Bro

 

[Kuno]

What was it that Chris Rock said about dudes who bragged, "I take care of my *******"?

 

[JT97]

This is messed up. I'll never try to ruin someone's marriage/relationship. You should divorce and find a woman that will truly love you.

 

[slinky1]

She made a huge mistake, he'll grow tired of her and fool around on her, let her go,walk away, kick the dust off your feet with her. She's trash , move on. You'll bounce back, bet she she tries to get back with you later on, don't do it. Good luck man

This is exactly what my ex-fiance did to me, only she was 5 months pregnant to him and the relationship was going pear shape for her. Luckily I was already with my current wife so had the strength to say go away, but had i'd been single, i'd probably be raising his baby by now. Even my friends threatened to cut off ties with me if I ever went back to her, they hated her and half the town had fucked her, but one I was in denial and two being a cuck, I just learned to live with it.

 

[JT97]

Sorry that happened to you

 

[slinky1]

Sorry that happened to you

Yeah, ******* then, broke my heart and seeing her pregnant to him him shattered me, but thats life. I loved her so much I'm sure I would've got back with her, and in the back of her mind, she knew I was a back-up if their relationship fell apart. But as I said, everyone knew she was a whore, they just didn't know I was a cuck who wanted her/ a wife like that. But once my mom said, never again, once she fell pregnant to the guy she left mr for, everyone wiped their hands of her.

 

[insatiable]

Hey I live in Canada!!!! LOL!!! I appreciate the horny woman as very few here are still single and looking. There would be some Black guys interested in women that want short-term flings but I'm after loyal long term women. May I kindly suggest aiming that slingshot to Mexico? LOL????

LMAO

 

[insatiable]

I



I appreciate your words, and I did ask her if she was pregnant by him and she said No, but she wouldn't give me a direct answer as to why she wanted to divorce so quick other than to say she is ready to move on with her life.
I have decided that once everything is final, I will be selling the house, paying off my student loan, and some bills we are jointly responsible for. Luckily, it's not a lot of money so I will have some left over in the event I want to buy something else.
I am trying very hard to keep my head above water, and stay positive, but it's very challenging. One minute I feel like I am moving forward and the next I am tempeted to text her, or check out her social media accounts to see what is going on in her life.
It's very hard to just walk away, but she made it clear what she wanted and I cannot beg her to stay with me.
Can't imagine dating at this point. Too be frank, my self esteem is in the toilet and I am not feel like I can trust woman. I hope I feel differently in the future.

you DEFINITELY don't need to be dating right now. absolutely the fuck not. what you NEED to do is focus on yourself - your physical and mental health. to be a better version of you. doing what you want in life. THEN you might find women who are good matches.

 

[bound2bmine]

I have to say this one of the saddest posts I've read on here for quite some time. I do kinda feel for the guy. His fear/hopelessness is palpable. To me, this is the trepidation that all bfs and husbands face before deciding to enter into this lifestyle. One thing is to have the fantasy in your head, it's quite another to actually have it come true.

A bit about women... although we're living in a time of more female empowerment, at the biological level, women will always gravitate to a strong, Dominant man who can protect and provide for them. It's just how their brains work. So, when you introduce a 3rd person into the marriage who's not only young, fit, Dominant, educated AND can fuck really well then it's pretty much game over. After a few passionate fuck sessions, her mind and body became attached to the new guy. To me, it probably would have been safer to have met an IR swinging married couple and set up parameters from the get go. The OP mentioned he makes 70k per year, right? In most states (in the US) that's pretty damn good. I would definitely work to safeguard your assests as the talk of money will quickly change a person's mentality. Money will always do that. Anyways, that's my two cents worth. And OP if you're ready this, I wish you the best of luck. Take this as a "live and learn" moment. If you truly see yourself as a "submissive" or permissive man, this will only repeat itself. Do not let it happen again.

So, when you introduce a 3rd person into the marriage who's not only young, fit, Dominant, educated AND can fuck really well then it's pretty much game over. After a few passionate fuck sessions, her mind and body became attached to the new guy.

TOTALLY AGREE. This happened to me with my ex-wife after several years of sharing we decided it would be a good idea for her to have a steady lover who was also black.

 

[MarkH1983]

Just received the hearing date from the court for simplified, uncontested dissolution of our marriage. Tuesday, November 20th we go before the judge and it should be final. Cannot believe how quickly my entire life has turned upside down.
Yes, I agreed to this in part because she made it clear the marriage was over. I also had more to gain financially by agreeing to a divorce, but my heart still aches.
So happy I have a therapy session today at 4:30. I need it.

 

[MarkH1983]

Just received the hearing date from the court for simplified, uncontested dissolution of our marriage. Tuesday, November 20th we go before the judge and it should be final. Cannot believe how quickly my entire life has turned upside down.
Yes, I agreed to this in part because she made it clear the marriage was over. I also had more to gain financially by agreeing to a divorce, but my heart still aches.
So happy I have a therapy session today at 4:30. I need it.

I want to thank everyone here for being an outlet for me during this painful process. Yes, some probably think I am crazy airing my personal business here, in a public forum for all to see but it has been helpful to me, and I appreciate all the ppl who reached out privately.
I also think it's important for ppl who are in the lifestyle to understand the ramifications of what could happen to our marriages if we aren't careful. Thank you to the admins for allowing my posts.

 

[slinky1]

I want to thank everyone here for being an outlet for me during this painful process. Yes, some probably think I am crazy airing my personal business here, in a public forum for all to see but it has been helpful to me, and I appreciate all the ppl who reached out privately.
I also think it's important for ppl who are in the lifestyle to understand the ramifications of what could happen to our marriages if we aren't careful. Thank you to the admins for allowing my posts.

Good luck with it all. Its a very hard way to break up and very isolating as well. When everybody asked 'what happened, you guys seemed so happy?' I lied everytime because I didn't want people to know how or why she left me. I would've copped lectures of 'well what did you expect'? allowing another man into your bedroom. Even when I saw a therapist, I told her about everything except that I found the guy to fuck her who she left me for and that I was a willing cuckold, until it all went pear shaped.

So can totally understand chatting on here, just even if its to get if off your chest and clear your ticking brain.

Once again, good luck into the future.