Wow! That's a lot. I expected a paragraph and a half,maybe. I only hope I can do as good. I have some things to say,but I'm in slow motion. Coming home at four in the morning's unusual for me these days,but I had fun and I'll do it again,soon. Some things are changing for me in unexpected ways. It's all good. The past two or three years before this year were all about the opportunity to be semi-retired. Moving here,a relatively safe distance from family was largely done with hopes that I could re-visit my earlier years,when I was an Army wife and an all-out whore for black men. In my mind,my expectations were realistic,but as I've learned,they were far below what's possible for me. I was with a group of men last night who're all younger than me. They're not just telling me I'm hot,they're demonstrating their lust for me. Can't fake that! Being desired in that way is big for me. I need it,and I thrive on it. It's as simple as that.
For reasons I'm not sure I could explain if I tried,I've had up some walls of resistance in regard to several details in my life. The biggest and maybe least beneficial to me is that I've been reluctant to cede significant control over myself to Michael. He's not just a hunk,but also witty and charming. I appreciate him and I'm lucky to have him and his attention to the degree that I do. The only slight negative is that he can seem borderline arrogant. I've decided that I can live with that,and I'm all-in with him. I've learned that I'm mentioned as and considered to be Michael's girlfriend,and I'm liking it.
I've long realized that I can be outright silly about some words,categorizations,and on and on. I need to just stop it,and I'm going to give it my best effort. I've enjoyed deep conversations about cuckoldry with a number of black men in the past couple of nights. They've listened to my opinions and I've listened to theirs. My reluctance to accept that my life has long been one of cuckoldry is really ridiculous.
My not wanting to refer to black men who fuck me as bulls is probably silly too. It seems that most or all of them like being called bulls. I love what they do to me and they get what they want from me. They like being called bulls,so from now on they're bulls.
When I was telling Michael and some of the men about all of the QOS jewelry and clothes I ordered,they mentioned that I should wear I
Black Bull and I
BBC stuff too. I already ordered some I
BBC hot shorts. I'll see what else I can find to run my credit card bill up. My hubby won't mind,because it's for a good cause.
I'm amazed that there's so much available in QOS jewelry and accessories. I have several belly rings coming,so I can't back out on getting my navel pierced. I even ordered a QOS key chain for my car keys! The only thing that seems to be somewhat limited is the tops. I don't like wearing t shirts,and I don't think all of the logos and colors I liked come in camisole,straps or spaghetti string. I'll look some more.
It's good that hubby opened up about his fondness for how I taste. I've always enjoyed my taste when I taste it on men,and their cum is part of the whole experience. Hubby's always noticed the smells of sex on me and in our living space. He always emphasizes my smell and that I like to use fragrances,but the smell of the men,their cum,and the whole desire factor is part of it too. It wouldn't be complete without it,so accept it and enjoy it.
I appreciate that he really did accept me so long ago on my terms. He's always been true to his promise that I would always be free to be a whore. When I got into black sex,it took everything up to another level. Other things have necessarily taken priority over sex during part of our time together,so there have been peaks and lulls in my fun. I'm not sure if I'm quite as far along as hubby thinks right now,but he's right that a lot of things are going my way,and I've stopped resisting anything that might benefit me.
I'm sore.
Maybe I can get a
down there to soothe me.