Hey, I didn’t plan on posting on here but I’ve gotten a few messages so I felt like I should introduce myself and say why I am here and answer some of the common questions I am getting to avoid disappointing people further lol.
I am Erica (my real name) and I am 21 (about to be 22!) My pfp is really a picture of me… I wasn’t going to do that at first but tbh it was kind of exhilarating to hitting upload. Idk why, lol.
I have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2.5 years. He is white like me and is unaware that I am on here. TBH we don't talk about anything like this.
I have only ever had 2 sexual partners — both were white — one was my HS bf and the other is my current bf. I am not wild and never have been so my s*x life will probably be veryyy boring to you.
To start off — this type of thing is really new to me and I came here to just explore from the “safety” of my computer after some recent stuff has left me kind’ve… curious I guess? And confused. idk.
So, to be clear I have zero experience and am not exactly seeking to gain any experience (yet?)
I have never fantasized about black guys and have never really watched porn or anything. I am not "this" kind of person usually so I don't want to lead anybody on or make you think otherwisee.
What happened was, around a month ago, I was doing some modeling for a photographer friend of mine (see PFP lol) — I just do it occasionally and mostly for the fun of it and a little extra cash. It is usually just styled shoots or clothing/swimwear. I have known him and worked with him since I was really young so it's nothing wild.
Anyways, around a month ago he called me super last minute to help him with a shoot and model and during that all the male models on the shoot were black men. I ended up overhearing them talking — in explicit detail — about wanting to “F*** the white girl” and saying all sorts of crazy sexual stuff.
I was kind’ve offended at first (i think?) if I am being honest. But later that night I basically had a sexual fantasy and they have been reoccurring just about every night since that day. Just different versions of dreams where I am around my boyfriend/my family/his family/my friends and there is this black guy that keeps flirting with me and trying to get me to sneak off with him and I like make random excuses to go to my room or outside and somehow he follows me and we start making out and he like takes my clothes off or just moves them out of the way and it is like he is just about to penetrate me for sex and then I ALWAYS wake up right at that point and am usually sweating like crazy with my heart racing and have to m*sturb*te just to get my heart to calm down so that I can fall back asleep.
It is SO WEIRD and confusing tbh… because I have never in my life had sex dreams really and definitely not so vivid.
Then on Wednesday (a few days ago) I did another photoshoot with my friend and a couple of the guys from a month ago were there so it was 3 of them and me and my photog friend and we were driving around out in the country for pictures. So there wasn’t a lot of privacy for changing or anything and I ended up having a (minor) wardrobe malfunction and flashed my butt several times because of wind really and so there were more comments made but this time to my face.
At the end of that I got a text from one of the guys (who got my # from the photog) asking if I wanted to go get drinks and hangout.
I didn’t respond that night and didn’t go but he and another one of the guys have texted me a few times since then…
But ever since Wednesday, it is like I keep thinking about what I am dreaming about and THIS stuff… so I am just trying to figure out what is going on in my head and everything from the safety of being alone on my computer lol
Which is why I came here because I thought the forum might be insightful… but I have kind’ve been afraid to explore too much.
So, I don’t have a previous interest in any of this, no experience, and no plans… just some curiosity and frustrating dreams and thoughts that I can’t make go away.
I am Erica (my real name) and I am 21 (about to be 22!) My pfp is really a picture of me… I wasn’t going to do that at first but tbh it was kind of exhilarating to hitting upload. Idk why, lol.
I have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2.5 years. He is white like me and is unaware that I am on here. TBH we don't talk about anything like this.
I have only ever had 2 sexual partners — both were white — one was my HS bf and the other is my current bf. I am not wild and never have been so my s*x life will probably be veryyy boring to you.
To start off — this type of thing is really new to me and I came here to just explore from the “safety” of my computer after some recent stuff has left me kind’ve… curious I guess? And confused. idk.
So, to be clear I have zero experience and am not exactly seeking to gain any experience (yet?)
I have never fantasized about black guys and have never really watched porn or anything. I am not "this" kind of person usually so I don't want to lead anybody on or make you think otherwisee.
What happened was, around a month ago, I was doing some modeling for a photographer friend of mine (see PFP lol) — I just do it occasionally and mostly for the fun of it and a little extra cash. It is usually just styled shoots or clothing/swimwear. I have known him and worked with him since I was really young so it's nothing wild.
Anyways, around a month ago he called me super last minute to help him with a shoot and model and during that all the male models on the shoot were black men. I ended up overhearing them talking — in explicit detail — about wanting to “F*** the white girl” and saying all sorts of crazy sexual stuff.
I was kind’ve offended at first (i think?) if I am being honest. But later that night I basically had a sexual fantasy and they have been reoccurring just about every night since that day. Just different versions of dreams where I am around my boyfriend/my family/his family/my friends and there is this black guy that keeps flirting with me and trying to get me to sneak off with him and I like make random excuses to go to my room or outside and somehow he follows me and we start making out and he like takes my clothes off or just moves them out of the way and it is like he is just about to penetrate me for sex and then I ALWAYS wake up right at that point and am usually sweating like crazy with my heart racing and have to m*sturb*te just to get my heart to calm down so that I can fall back asleep.
It is SO WEIRD and confusing tbh… because I have never in my life had sex dreams really and definitely not so vivid.
Then on Wednesday (a few days ago) I did another photoshoot with my friend and a couple of the guys from a month ago were there so it was 3 of them and me and my photog friend and we were driving around out in the country for pictures. So there wasn’t a lot of privacy for changing or anything and I ended up having a (minor) wardrobe malfunction and flashed my butt several times because of wind really and so there were more comments made but this time to my face.
At the end of that I got a text from one of the guys (who got my # from the photog) asking if I wanted to go get drinks and hangout.
I didn’t respond that night and didn’t go but he and another one of the guys have texted me a few times since then…
But ever since Wednesday, it is like I keep thinking about what I am dreaming about and THIS stuff… so I am just trying to figure out what is going on in my head and everything from the safety of being alone on my computer lol
Which is why I came here because I thought the forum might be insightful… but I have kind’ve been afraid to explore too much.
So, I don’t have a previous interest in any of this, no experience, and no plans… just some curiosity and frustrating dreams and thoughts that I can’t make go away.
