Encouraging My Wife to Open Up About Her Fantasies: Tips?

[Wifeandmelooki]

Looking for more hints and experiences

Well you have all the advice you need, basically from what we see you don't talk to her, so is no reason to give you anymore advice

 

[stephforbc]

just talk to her show her your support and tell her yours its about trust

 

[Blkdreams88]

hi all!

I've got a bit of a situation here that I'd love some input on. I fell that my wife is open to trying new things in the bedroom, such as mfm, but there's a noticeable hesitation in expressing this desire. I believe it's because she's afraid of hurting my feelings or going against societal norms that promote monogamy.

When we talked about mfm, some days ago, she finally admitted she can be interested, but only after asking a lot about my feelings about ("but I know you won't allow me", "but you'll react badly", "but what you in front of another male", etc...). In that occasion, I've not openly said "yes, it's totally ok for me, don't worry", but I've tried to let her focalize on her instead of me.

I've always told her she can tell me anything, and, for example, I've been open about my own desire of a fmf (about which she stated clearly that she doesn't know if she can resist looking someone else on me, or "competing" for my body). She's comfortable talking about sex in general, but I want her to feel completely at ease sharing her deepest desires with me.

How can I make her open up about her fantasies and desires?

I'm still trying to figure out my wife too. Either she only has one role play type of fantasy or she is sexually close minded. The only thing I know is that creating a safe and judgement free environment is key and express interest by just talking. Don't be fondling her and getting worked up until she has spilled the beans. Then move in for some action and use those desires on her.

 

[TOfuck]

I'm still trying to figure out my wife too. Either she only has one role play type of fantasy or she is sexually close minded. The only thing I know is that creating a safe and judgement free environment is key and express interest by just talking. Don't be fondling her and getting worked up until she has spilled the beans. Then move in for some action and use those desires on her.

Thanks for suggestion. She is not close minded, but it's like she just does not express any kink or fantasy. And is very strange because we really talk about everything all the time and she talk a lot about her feelings in general.
But this thing in particular, she never proactively introduce the topic.

 

[harrysicario]

Thanks for suggestion. She is not close minded, but it's like she just does not express any kink or fantasy. And is very strange because we really talk about everything all the time and she talk a lot about her feelings in general.
But this thing in particular, she never proactively introduce the topic.

you need to slowly put topics for discussion in front of her....start with small things.......and then gradually go ahead.....for example....discuss about relationships......ask her what she thinks....or tell her you heard about some incident....what does she think.........

 

[TOfuck]

just talk to her show her your support and tell her yours its about trust

as i was saying, we actually talk and I support her in everything (literally). And we also speak about sex, but when it is about her kinks or fantasies she is vague and she do not explicitely express a particular desire or situation. Moreover, it's always me who start the discussion about sex.

 

[stephforbc]

as i was saying, we actually talk and I support her in everything (literally). And we also speak about sex, but when it is about her kinks or fantasies she is vague and she do not explicitely express a particular desire or situation. Moreover, it's always me who start the discussion about sex.

Men and women also view fantasy as different things women see it more as a place where we would like to go (france) and have sex while men are more graphic (anal)

 

[Blkdreams88]

Thanks for suggestion. She is not close minded, but it's like she just does not express any kink or fantasy. And is very strange because we really talk about everything all the time and she talk a lot about her feelings in general.
But this thing in particular, she never proactively introduce the topic.

I understand that. It's hard for some people to be expressive in their sexual stuff. I blame societal standards but who knows why that is?

 

[Marc williams]

I think she is hesitant because she knows you want fmf, and she told you she doesn't think she could do that.
You are at a stalemate, so,,,, if you want to watch her take BBC then forget about YOUR fantasy and focus on hers.
I don't see a problem with watching a mfm homemade porn film together. My wife likes to watch only those, because they're real and everybody is doing it for fun and not money.
My wife will share me FMF one day, but for now we do the MFM.
As you are watching a wife take bbc movie, tell her you would love to see that!
If she ask you about fmf, tell her that is her decision to make, not yours.
I think you need to come right out and tell her, you are thinking way too hard on this.
She has expressed interest, so go for it!
Me and my late wife did mfm with a brother being the third as well so I have a lot of experience in this subject.

 

[TOfuck]

I think she is hesitant because she knows you want fmf, and she told you she doesn't think she could do that.
You are at a stalemate, so,,,, if you want to watch her take BBC then forget about YOUR fantasy and focus on hers.
I don't see a problem with watching a mfm homemade porn film together. My wife likes to watch only those, because they're real and everybody is doing it for fun and not money.
My wife will share me FMF one day, but for now we do the MFM.
As you are watching a wife take bbc movie, tell her you would love to see that!
If she ask you about fmf, tell her that is her decision to make, not yours.
I think you need to come right out and tell her, you are thinking way too hard on this.
She has expressed interest, so go for it!
Me and my late wife did mfm with a brother being the third as well so I have a lot of experience in this subject.

I see your point, but I partly disagree. In this journey to the open fantasies, I think that being the first one in be open is a good thing.
I don't think fmf is the problem here, she also joked about it, saying maybe she will organize me a surprise (but with two other girl, not her).

 

[TOfuck]

Men and women also view fantasy as different things women see it more as a place where we would like to go (france) and have sex while men are more graphic (anal)

True, is different.
But also girls have "visual" fantasies, hard and vivid. And boys have "light" ones too, about situations and places.

 

[harrysicario]

Exavctly the same with my wife. Easing in it together slowly

thats good

 

[CA_AZCouple]

Thank you all for the suggestions.

I think that is not about introducing someone else to solve this, but more about unlock this within me and my wife.
Erotic stories and porn can be a good idea, even if she never expressed much interest in the latter. I'll try again.
Maybe some good soft film on mainstream streaming platforms we can watch without the "stigma" of porn site?

We've also some sex toys (remote control vibrator, dildo), maybe we can use them in different ways. Suggestions?

By the way, the hectic lifes we live don't help much in finding a good and calm moment to work on this.

Also, I don't want just to focalize only on mfm I'd like her to open up completely about her desires.

Hey you should start slow ...maybe send her a meme that has a bbc in it or about huge dick ...or maybe get her a nice little skirt ...I like spandex...cuz it can be see through (; umm make her feel sexy spend money on her so she can dress like a whore take her panty shopping 🛍

 

[harrysicario]

Hey you should start slow ...maybe send her a meme that has a bbc in it or about huge dick ...or maybe get her a nice little skirt ...I like spandex...cuz it can be see through (; umm make her feel sexy spend money on her so she can dress like a whore take her panty shopping 🛍

yeah good advice.......start slow..........be playful...and give more subtle hints

 

[TOfuck]

Hey you should start slow ...maybe send her a meme that has a bbc in it or about huge dick ...or maybe get her a nice little skirt ...I like spandex...cuz it can be see through (; umm make her feel sexy spend money on her so she can dress like a whore take her panty shopping 🛍

I like the idea of memes and the shopping part. We already do it, but without focusing in particular on panties or bold attire.

 

[harrysicario]

I like the idea of memes and the shopping part. We already do it, but without focusing in particular on panties or bold attire.

should try it

 

[TOfuck]

should try it

panties and lingerie should be quite easy, even if with family is not easy to find the time to do it.
Bold/"whore" attire is more difficult, but I think is matter of finding the right moment...

 

[Marc williams]

Me and my wife talked about it and sent memes to each other too. Just like your wife, I knew mine wanted bbc.
I invited a friend of mine over, and I told her to give me a signal if she wanted it to go down. She flirted, wore sexy clothes, but chickened out.
I then told her the next time it will be my decision as to when to throw down.
I invited a friend of mine over who I used to work with, he was hung, 10 inch BBC!
I put a blindfold on her and when he walked in the door he stuck his cock in her mouth!
She loved it and all her inhibitions went away, and he fucked her good!
She has been addicted to BBC ever since.
If you let her take the reins and move at her pace she will continue to think twice about it.
My wife thanked me because she knew she would still be flip flopping if I didn't take the reins.
I see you like the idea of moving slow, to each his own. Maybe in a cpl years it will happen!
My wife wanted to take a BBC, so I made it happen!
We are going to Vegas next month, and she is going to set up fmf for me.

 

[whiteboy_boy]

How can I make her open up about her fantasies and desires?

Will try to share my thoughts.
You've mentioned above you chatted about the FMF scenario. Well, does it still actually for you exactly? Good if not. But it could be possible she still remembers this aspect and has a “he will cheat me if I’ll cheat him” trigger active in that case. And this fact makes her feel scared of your marriage. Have you ever made her more confident and sure you are not interested in any other female?
I’m not an expert. Just sharing thoroughs as I said above.

 

[TOfuck]

Me and my wife talked about it and sent memes to each other too. Just like your wife, I knew mine wanted bbc.
I invited a friend of mine over, and I told her to give me a signal if she wanted it to go down. She flirted, wore sexy clothes, but chickened out.
I then told her the next time it will be my decision as to when to throw down.
I invited a friend of mine over who I used to work with, he was hung, 10 inch BBC!
I put a blindfold on her and when he walked in the door he stuck his cock in her mouth!
She loved it and all her inhibitions went away, and he fucked her good!
She has been addicted to BBC ever since.
If you let her take the reins and move at her pace she will continue to think twice about it.
My wife thanked me because she knew she would still be flip flopping if I didn't take the reins.
I see you like the idea of moving slow, to each his own. Maybe in a cpl years it will happen!
My wife wanted to take a BBC, so I made it happen!
We are going to Vegas next month, and she is going to set up fmf for me.

Hot story. Thank you.

But in your case you already know she want to go black. How? Has she expressed this intention? Has you proposed? I don't know exactly what is in her "kinky box of desires", so ******* on this or that is more difficult...