Your post SPOKE to me in so many ways! Very thoughtfully written. BravoI'm a writer/blogger/podcaster and lifestyle coach and I write about the female perspective on relationships, cuckolding, hotwifing, and polyamory.
My perspective is 100% toward female empowerment and choice. There are some decent articles on this platform and a WHOLE BUNCH that are disturbing to me, personally. So I thought I'd offer a perspective on what has contributed to the most joyous, connected, intimate, and loving relationship I have with my husband and our lovers.
Our dynamic is that we are polyamorous, however, my cuck husband is monogamous with me. (we actively seek one permanent lover to share our lives with)
I advertised for a cuck years ago, found my exceptional husband and we are ridiculously happy. I have had one VERY evolved bull that I just loved to death, and we took a deep dive with him. Successful, intelligent, very evolved, funny and kind....and he felt the same about us. My husband loved him too (as a friend, not in the carnal sense). I've had many other lovers along the way, but only one that really was exceptional. I ended it: he's married (and cheating) and that doesn't work for me so sadly said goodbye and won't make that particular mistake again. (yes I knew better and did it anyway) It did give us both a great prototype of the kind of person we seek for long-term love, however.
We have worked toward this dynamic for many years. Here is what I think it requires:
1. A VERY evolved core relationship with your partner. Can you talk very candidly and openly about ANYTHING? If not, that is where you start.
2. Extremely good communication skills, and willingness to communicate about everything and anything on an ongoing basis.
3. Super high emotional intelligence: Can you tune into your partner and lovers and can they tune into you? If anyone is uncomfortable with any aspect, can you talk very authentically about it without hesitation? Are you willing to talk about all the hard stuff too?
4. I see SO MANY posts and articles about "how to get your woman to hotwife" or some such thing. There is NOT ONE THING about this healthy lifestyle choice that includes manipulation, coercion, or dishonesty in any way shape, or form. If your man is trying to talk you into something...stop right there. There are tons of benefits for the woman in this dynamic but being manipulated into it is certainly NOT one of them.
5. If you are submissive and submitting to a bull and/or being humiliated sets your soul free....well more power to you. For me, as an empowered woman, making my own choices about my body, the kind of relationship I want, and what I need from a lover is 100% my domain, and NEVER includes submission. My relationships with other men have been exciting, dynamic and require a man who is strong and confident in himself, not intimidated by my strength, and never feels the need to manipulate me in any way. I do thrive with strong, assertive, and sexy men that allow me to be purely feminine.
6. Nobody in our dynamic gets "used". I find that term so offensive. My husband thrives on humiliation and some impact play and he gets it because that is WHAT HE WANTS. Nobody imposes anything (they don't invite) on anyone over here. Every detail about how we interact is thoroughly discussed before we ever engage.
7. We don't do the "hook up" deal, gang bangs or parties other than to socialize. What works for us is to respect people, take the time to know them well and what makes them tick, what they want, and for them to know that about us too. So we are not a high-volume deal over here and don't intend to be.
That being said, we are a genuine "E" ticket ride for the right person, however. Quality over quantity every day, baby.
My favorite relationship expert Esther Perel (find her on YouTube) says this: "Every single man and woman has two core and conflicting needs. One is the need for safety, security, and stability. The other need is for change, excitement, and something different. Although we all have both of those needs, for many couples one is a dominant need. Most often, women have a bigger need for safety and security and men have a bigger need for change." This inherent conflict of needs leads to the divorce and cheating epidemic we have here in America. When just about 50% of marriages end in divorce and another 28% cheat, it's pretty easy to see how right she is. I'd say if a construct has about a 78% failure rate, it might be time to figure out a new way.
In my opinion, we have successfully merged these two needs by being open to cuckoldry, consensual non-monogamy (for me), and polyamory. We want more love, more connection, more intimacy...not just more sex. We BOTH have stability and safety, and also change and excitement. It's a glorious thing and I'm so grateful to have a partner who embraces it as much as I do.
We are the proof you CAN have your cake and eat it too in a way that everybody wins. We are both the happiest we have ever been in life and it has been infinitely worth working toward.
Ladies, you can have it too, but you have to claim it and you'll likely have to work for it. It's so worth it. Go for what you really want ladies...talk to your man.
I will give you permission to smack him in the head if he is trying to manipulate you. (kidding...he's your issue to deal with)
C
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