That’s true but mutual pleasure and respect are also vital.
Correct. There are couples - any lifestyle aside - who have that, and others who don't. But the kind of sexual play two partners are incorporating in their sex lives has nothing at all to do with that (if there's mutual pleasure and respect or not). Consider the following two different scenarios...
A Woman has been "persuaded" by her husband into having sex with another man because that's his fantasy in the first place. She goes thru with it pretending she does it for her husband alone in order to fulfill his fantasy but either finds out later that she actually enjoys it a lot or already had in mind that she would do it for herself rather than her husband. The husband backs off because he finds out that his fantasy is "less enjoyable" for him in real life as opposed to the fantasy, and asks his wife to stop. But she doesn't stop and tells him "Well, that's what you wanted in the first place, so now you'll have to live with it." The husband thinks about ending their marriage but does not because he's still too much in love with his wife and doesn't want to lose her even though of her betrayal. - That is NOT a
couple lifestyle at all. It is an
abusive relationship!
On the other hand there's a couple with great communication inside and outside their bedroom. They have a good sex life and decide to even improve it. They start including more roleplay and toys in their play times. They start watching porn together and find out that both are extremely turned on by moresomes and/or wifesharing and/or "interracial" scenes and after thorough discussion decide to invite another man to their sexual play. They arrange a meeting with a guy both are comfortible with, have their first threesome or intramarital sex between the wife and the other man while the husband is watching. The experience turns out to be mindblowing for both the wife and the husband and they decide to do that more often either with the same guy or different guys. The sexual pleasure that scenario creates in both of them is extraordinary so that it will become the number one type of sex they are craving. They still have sex with each other but find it doesn't really compare. That's where the husband finds out he actually gets turned on big time by the thought of the guys who provide his wife with better enjoyable sex and more orgasms are given more (sexual) privilages with the wife than he has hisself. He discusses that with his wife and they start to playfully introduce roleplay where the husband is teased and denied by his wife to some extent. That sort of play gives the husband pleasure for some reason. It builds up sexual tension leading up to his "release" that's far above than if he would just fuck his wife at any time he so desired. The wife enjoys this new kind of play because it pleases her husband
and she oddly appreciates a role where she is in control in one part of their marriage (the bedroom) that she perhaps isn't in other parts. This couple shares their sex life with each other, communicate with each other about that as well as every other aspect of their married lives.
They respect each other and would end the lifestyle if one partner would suggest so even before the blink of an eye (but they don't because both are enjoying it that much). They still have mutual sexual pleasure even though their sex doesn't necessarily equal intercourse, but they still hug and kiss and go to bed together; they still have oral and/or other types of sex whenever they want to (however the husband doesn't want to receive it that often as he is trying to increase the duration of his "denial" and is proud and gets rewarded for it by his wife, especially if it's a long period.)
This is NOT an abusive relationship. It is a consensual
couple lifestyle with mutual respect and pleasure!
ImO you cannot really say anything about a relationship just given the technical specification of sexual acts of their lifestyle and/or the partners involved. It all depends on open communication, i would definitely add love, and, as you said
@AnnieS, mutual pleasure and respect. jm2ct's