I have lurked on this site for a while. Additionally, I've done some research in trying to understand why this particular "kink" is what does it for me. There are few academic papers on why 'cuckolding' and 'hotwifing' — with a specific interracial spin — are so popular. Yet, this all feels very 'lit review' and not like it is getting to the bottom of the matter. In most cases, these explanations are unsatisfactory.
My fascination with this topic began with a revelation, from my now wife of 9 years, that she had been in a long-term relationship with an African-American man. For some reason, in part because I have always found my wife to be insanely attractive (being the amazingly beautiful and seductive white-complected woman that she is), this thought drove me wild and opened the door to this area of sensual play. As the years have gone by, I have discussed this with my wife, who has been very agreeable and open to discuss elements of her past... in detail. While this all turns me on immensely, I am always left wondering why it is that I, a man that is consistent and dependable in every way my wife could have ever wanted (economic, physically, sensually, you name it), is turned on by the thought of another man — in this case an African American man — fucking, licking, playing, etc., with her. I am a very secure man and find the idea that my wife has been treated accordingly by myself or other men and women, brought to orgasm, a satisfying thought. In other words, her pleasure has always been of utmost import.
Now, I must say that I have explored the humiliation angle to some degree and while it takes an honest man to admit to themselves that this may be the issue, the idea of feeling inferior to my wife's 'lover' is nothing short of a turn-off. I am, by nature and nurture, a very competitive person, and am driven by my passions. She, in turn, is also very much the same — a huge part of why I became attracted to her. So, with humiliation out of the way, I can't help but hear my wife, in her very practical way, say that the "why" doesn't really matter, this specific area on the spectrum of sexual experience does it for me and that is that. There are times I do, admittedly, feel a bit guilty when I bring this up because I happen to gravitate toward this kink more so than other kinks that we may have individually and as a couple. I don't want to be inconsiderate to her needs and overwhelm her with my desires; paradoxically, all of these desires always contain her in some element in that when I happen to see a video or an image that I find pleasurable and the only thing that gets me 'over' is imagining that it is her in that scenario.
To me, the 'why' is important — as a deeply introspective person. Perhaps I am overthinking it, give in, and enjoy the ride and stop trying to control every little thing?
As open as we have been, maybe this is a conversation I need to have with her. However, the openness in this community, which runs a wide range of perspectives, coupled with my need to be somewhat of a social creature, has me considering pressing the submit button on this post. I suppose we will find out.
My fascination with this topic began with a revelation, from my now wife of 9 years, that she had been in a long-term relationship with an African-American man. For some reason, in part because I have always found my wife to be insanely attractive (being the amazingly beautiful and seductive white-complected woman that she is), this thought drove me wild and opened the door to this area of sensual play. As the years have gone by, I have discussed this with my wife, who has been very agreeable and open to discuss elements of her past... in detail. While this all turns me on immensely, I am always left wondering why it is that I, a man that is consistent and dependable in every way my wife could have ever wanted (economic, physically, sensually, you name it), is turned on by the thought of another man — in this case an African American man — fucking, licking, playing, etc., with her. I am a very secure man and find the idea that my wife has been treated accordingly by myself or other men and women, brought to orgasm, a satisfying thought. In other words, her pleasure has always been of utmost import.
Now, I must say that I have explored the humiliation angle to some degree and while it takes an honest man to admit to themselves that this may be the issue, the idea of feeling inferior to my wife's 'lover' is nothing short of a turn-off. I am, by nature and nurture, a very competitive person, and am driven by my passions. She, in turn, is also very much the same — a huge part of why I became attracted to her. So, with humiliation out of the way, I can't help but hear my wife, in her very practical way, say that the "why" doesn't really matter, this specific area on the spectrum of sexual experience does it for me and that is that. There are times I do, admittedly, feel a bit guilty when I bring this up because I happen to gravitate toward this kink more so than other kinks that we may have individually and as a couple. I don't want to be inconsiderate to her needs and overwhelm her with my desires; paradoxically, all of these desires always contain her in some element in that when I happen to see a video or an image that I find pleasurable and the only thing that gets me 'over' is imagining that it is her in that scenario.
To me, the 'why' is important — as a deeply introspective person. Perhaps I am overthinking it, give in, and enjoy the ride and stop trying to control every little thing?
As open as we have been, maybe this is a conversation I need to have with her. However, the openness in this community, which runs a wide range of perspectives, coupled with my need to be somewhat of a social creature, has me considering pressing the submit button on this post. I suppose we will find out.
