I want to, she secretly wants to but is scared. Any advice?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by kcastile, Apr 8, 2014.

  1. kcastile

    kcastile New Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    First of all my wife and I have the greatest relationship. We love each other deeply and are each other's best friends.

    Now, I've had this fantasy about seeing her banged good by another man for a long time. I don't have a particular preference on race, but typically black guys have the best chance in my situation because he would have to be bigger than me down there or else what's the point! And I am a bit larger than the average Joe. Also he would have to really know how to work it because I am the best she has ever had (and no that is not just something she said.. When you know, you know. You bulls know what I'm sayin.)

    I have simi talked to her about it. I have asked probing questions about her fantasies and told her I had a fantasy about tag teaming her with another guy (I didn't come out and say I want to see her and another guy.) She first made the typical "good girl" remark like "I could never cheat on you." and I explained it wouldn't be cheating in my eyes because it's my fantasy, we are being open and honest and I would be present. A few days went by and she made a comment about "the thing you want to do." and had a more friendly tone about the topic. Another month later she started exploring more with me, like for the first time asking to watch porn together. A few weeks later she pulled her toy out (10" monster life-like) during sex one day and rode it while sucking me off. So, the tell tell signs are there that she does like the idea, but she is obviously afraid of something negative happening in our relationship as a result.

    At the same time I do worry a little about possible negative effects. With that said I have thought of a few ideas that may help put those worries at ease for both of us so we might can go that next step. One thing is we don't get to go out much because I work so much and she has school and our two kids so.. I thought about taking her out of town somewhere to a nice hotel, taking her to a spa for a good relaxing body message, then out for drinks to loosen her on up. After that proposing the idea of doing this back at the hotel, but present her with the idea of being blindfolded.

    Another idea was to simply wait until my upcoming birthday when she will like always ask me what I want and tell her this and also include the blindfolded part.

    I keep thinking of the blindfold because I feel that will make her feel like she can pretend she don't know who is me or who is him so she can freely enjoy it without feeling so guilty. And also for my worries and her's she won't actually know the person or even see them.

    Anyone have any good advice? I would love to do this at least once and see where it goes from there.
     
  2. Torpedo

    Torpedo Well-Known Member Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    A lot of things are better fantasies than reality. Before you get her set up to be fucked by anyone you need to be damn sure she is on board with the game. I really wouldn't recommend going out and trying to find someone to fuck her. There are a number of unknowns from a stranger, a big one is STD's by some accounts roughly 20% of the population has an STD. Another big issue is the person, his personality and his skill as a fucker. You really don't want your wife to be in bed with someone that is vulgar and abusive at least I hope not. Then there is the man's skill in bed. If a man has a large cock and it is significantly larger than she is used a good deal of patience and understanding is in order or the encounter could turn very unpleasant.

    I would wholeheartedly recommend a swingers club. They are all over the world and can readily be found on line. Most have mixers a few times a year where you can get to know some people. I think an "on premise" is best for newbies. That is a club where you can meet and engage in sexual activity at the location. Be honest about your goals. Generally there will be someone that can point you in the direction a person to meet your needs. And if either of you are uncomfortable you can simply leave, no harm no foul. A club screens out the bad people and at a swingers club there aren't any illusions why anyone is there. The three big rules to remember are be honest, be clean, and no means no.
     
    bm_from_southjersey likes this.
  3. kcastile

    kcastile New Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    Well, we have actually have come a long way since I posted this not so long ago...

    First, Torpedo I think you kind of got the wrong impression just a little.. I was not at all planning on just picking anyone or just tossing her into the situation. I was looking to find someone myself, get to know, pre-screen (STD and background), etc etc and also it be someone understanding of the situation not being a sure thing. Then before going to the room and getting the said bull to come over, tell her my intentions and see if she wanted to or not. She is a spontaneous person especially when it is sexual so she might have handled that better than talking it over first. But....

    About two weeks ago out of the blue she came to me and said she researched on it because she wanted to understand why I had the fantasy to begin with. Well, after learning it was more popular than she thought she felt more comfortable. Then after further research she understood more that it wasn't about me secretly wanting to "bait and switch" to get another women for me. She also found other guys had the same "reasoning" as myself and that is to give her extreme pleasure and the entire situation is focused on her. After that she read stories of the good, bad and the ugly other couples have experienced with this and similar lifestyles and she became turned on by many of the good stories and with the negative ones she learned where we would need to set ground rules specific to us.

    Now we talk about it nearly every day, what things we'd like out of it, what concerns we have, our "off limits" areas and the things we don't think we would like at this moment, but may reconsider later once we actually go through with it. I also told her about my first idea of the "pamper, hotel, blindfold" thing. She said she would prefer not going that way, but admitted it probably would have worked. She also brought up a great point in the fact that that way might not have been as fun as it could be because I (nor the bull) would know her do's and don'ts of the situation and it could have ended awkward.

    Now at this point SHE wants me to start looking for a bull. She gave me her list of ground rules and desires of it all and told me to work on it. She is still not sure if SHE wants to do much talking with the person before the first time. She wants to look at it as sex and fun, but keep the personal aspect out of it as much as possible.
     
  4. Torpedo

    Torpedo Well-Known Member Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Sounds like you are getting a realistic game plan. Have fun!
     
  5. Not a Myth

    Not a Myth Active Member Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
  6. stevem67

    stevem67 New Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    good luck to ya
     
  7. Hubbywife65

    Hubbywife65 Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    Country:
    US
    Sounds as though you guys are going about it the right way, and it's very similar to how things progressed for us. Keep the communication open, and talk about the experiences as they occur. You guys will have a great time on this new frontier.
     
  8. H&Rmiller

    H&Rmiller New Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    Country:
    US
    What were her ground rules for this. Just wondering i know its different for everybody.
     
  9. jdflacpl

    jdflacpl Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    Country:
    US
    any update on this