With the advent of online dating and an increase in the number of people using swinger websites it is now possible to choose a "playmate" that fits your desires best. Just look at profiles, pics and vids of potential "third players" and contact those who attract you the most.
If the girlfriend is "scared of the size" (what size?), just go for a guy with a size she is not scared of. Other than that... if you believe it won't develop into something else from "just a handjob", you might as well be wrong.
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