everyone is different of course in their likes, wants and desires. for us, we would say primarily to satisfy the wife. this takes a certain kind of man who she finds physically and mentally attractive. its up to him to have some game, crack the natural defensive or suspicious shell of a woman, and seduce her with his personality, humor and sexual appeal. Once done, he'll receive whats he's after, be it conquest or personal satisfaction. for the husband, in my case, all aspects of the meeting, breaking of the normal shell, anticipation, conquest and release, her shedding all thoughts and cared and giving herself totally and completely to her lover are all highly erotic, stimulating, and just plain fucking great to watch. if invited to join here and there, or not, that's fine with me. if the gentleman wants to add a little twist or kink to the mix, just be honest and open about it with the husband, if she would like it or not, he'd know and hopefully also be honest about it, or it could be best to wait for the second date.
or I could be completely wrong.
all this being said, none of this works with a white guy, they just don't have "it"