Our Story and frustrated

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Flcouple38, Aug 13, 2014.

  1. Flcouple38

    Flcouple38 Active Member

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    So sitting here typing this and a little frustrated. This is little long winded so apologize. We have been married for 22 yrs. and though not all peaches and cream, we have had our differences, nothing major and nothing we cannot work through.

    About 14 yrs. ago we decided to give this a try. It appealed to both of us on some levels and for allot of the time we used it for fantasy purposes during sex. We finally hooked up with a black guy and though it was not awful it was nothing to go back for various reasons. So we took a some time off due to kids and other stuff and around 12 yrs. ago wife decided to setup a meet and greet with a guy she seen through darkcavern for my bday.

    Needless to say we met up, they hit it off great and we were off to hotel after some drinks and dancing. This guy was actually the BBC we thought first guy should be. Built, 9in, the whole deal. She played with him, I got a little nervous of her taking it and so she finished him off by blowjob and titfucking him. Needless to say he was happy and left as lived close by. We talked and I felt guilty so called and asked if he wanted to come back and he did. So he comes in they go back at it, before I know it she is on back getting fucked bareback and really pounded. Never expected the bareback like that, she opened right up. Needless to say it was great, fucked her that way and then doggy till he came all over her ass and she came several times and got hammered. Great experience, she was wet for 4 days after and loved it.

    Then 4 weeks later met for dinner, went to his place, we talked she got anxious and stood up and hiked her skirt a little and said time is wasting and I got no panties on. Needless to say they 69, she rode him on his couch, he did her doggy, I videotaped, he came on her ass again.

    They met up 2 more times over the next year or so and fucked pretty good, she even let him cum on her pussy and then rubbed it all around and fingered herself with it. Took some time off and a year or so later decided itch had hit.

    Met up with new guy, he was hung like horse, hit it off, went to hotel and she got fucked 3 times that night. First time condom and he came inside with it on, second time she asked if bareback was ok and I consented and he came on her stomach, third time she wanted him due to size to cum inside and she had her first creampie. They met up again a little while down the road, fucked twice one night, he came in her twice, she loved the creampies and feeling it shoot inside and being stretched. Then again we took a little break for various reasons.

    Decided again to go at it, so met another guy, Was at strip bar, they hit off, made out by truck, and then jumped in back and had some fun. Next night met at hotel, she got fucked bareback and he came in her doggy and she loved it as it was huge load. Then he fucked her raw again later in evening. I could not even touch that pussy for 2 days.

    We had some differences in life and for last 4 years have not done anything, we do not even talk about it as she said she did not enjoy it. Ok fine, but camera, videos, and then after talks say otherwise. Since it is something I really like now it haunts me and I want some play, but we have gotten to point we hardly have sex. She is not cheating, I am not, it just seems like all the fun is gone completely.

    Why do I tell you all this, just to vent, but for life of cannot understand whats going on with her to change so suddenly. Does not want to look at porn, no Cinemax movies, nothing, almost prude like. She says sex is ok to have but just normal, mom and pop boring sex and maybe thrown in black dildo every once in awhile. So again the dildo makes he cum all the time. So do I actually when we do, just cannot understand the thought process. Any input would be helpful if anyone has any ideas from womans point of view.
     
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  2. hungteacher

    hungteacher Active Member

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    @FL it sounds to me like something happened in her head. She might feel guilty about it all. What I dont see in your post is anything about you communicating about what happened, before and after each encounter? So what were the discussions like?

    I have trained couples before and what is important to realize is that although you may see this as a purely sexual thing, your wife is in love with you and you having her fuck other men is actually "bad" in her mind, unless you reassure her that you love her and want her. I've had wives tell me that they love fucking other men because they think their husband doesnt find them attractive anymore.

    so whats the real issue going on?
     
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  3. dunacouple

    dunacouple Well-Known Member Gold Member

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    Like hungteacher said; we are missing info here.

    Have you asked why?

    Swinging or cuckolding only works if there is a trust base. But it could also be that something happened, or your wife became self aware and or insecure. Maybe she read an article or had a talk with a friend leading her to believe your passed life was not constructive or 'good' for you guys.(god knows there are many, many sex negative opinions and institutions perpetuation sex negative views out there).
     
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  4. EllaTwo

    EllaTwo Member

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    You need to convince her that you love her completely, and you respect her completely, no matter what. You do that through ACTION, not just by saying it. Also, she may have developed an image problem. I agree with what is said above, that there is too little information, but what I have found with some older friends is that they start to think that they are no longer desirable to other men. If that is the case (self image) then you also need to work on that aspect.
     
  5. Chip

    Chip Well-Known Member Gold Member

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    Swinging or sex with others always comes at a cost and you need to know that if your willing to pay the price not just short term but long term. If neither of you are cheating then why no sex does she want more or someome else you need to ask.
     
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  6. hungteacher

    hungteacher Active Member

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    @EllaTwo I couldnt agree more. Great point!
     
  7. nothinguc

    nothinguc Active Member Gold Member

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    That is why I always say before the clothes come off or anybody gets drunk, everyone involved needs to have a respectful conversation and understand what each one of you wants and if there are boundaries - like bareback- let her set them. Women may have them where the men don't near as much.

    I say this after experiences with several women. The best thing a man can do is assure her that at first she has control. It is her pussy until she gives someone else control of it. If she decides anything is not what she wants the worst thing would be for her to feel pressured to please your wishes or that she has guaranteed him anything. You all agree to play and who and how will be determined at first by the lady. After all no pussy = no fun.

    Also she must be clear that you are totally into it and will not change your mind later and look at her any differently.
     
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  8. Flcouple38

    Flcouple38 Active Member

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    Thanks everyone for the replies. Sorry if there was lack of info, tried not to make it a book, just looking for some thoughts maybe I had not thought of. We have talked and it is a confidence issue along with also the I am getting older , etc. Very complicated to say the least and sometimes as a male it is hard to comprehend as I do not think like that. We have always been very open and honest with each other. She makes the rules when it comes to this, always open for suggestions and if either one says no then we leave. Very well coordinated and understood. Again it is a multiple of issues and we have begun to talk about it, not only about this, but about other aspects or marriage in general.

    As for the big question, why we do not really do it anymore. Since certain things in sex became a obstacle, and by that I mean touchy subject or something one or the other did not want to do or wanted to do, since there was disagreement we sort of avoided it so there was not issue. Easy way I can say it, not that we are not sexual, but it is a touchy subject so best to avoid until things get straight.

    We need to get back to that happy medium and also build up the confidence like some people said in her and trust in me as well as her. If we never do again, it is not a deal breaker or the end of worlds. Frustrating, yes, but nothing that is unworkable by far. From a male point of view though I am very different then her in personality and thinking so it is hard for me to understand what she might be thinking and not saying or is saying and I am interpreting wrong. So I appreciate the answers as they did help allot by mentioning the trust, love, confidence, etc. We talked and it was good and again we talked just not about this but about allot of other things such as the kids being adults now and the troubles that brings, not to this, but just in helping guide them and keep them straight and narrow to get to where they would like to be and we would like to see them. Again cannot put allot into words here, but bottom line I think this is good. We also went to therapist and have discussed this aspect and others and that person was very helpful and not judgmental at all so I was very shocked.
     
  9. dunacouple

    dunacouple Well-Known Member Gold Member

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    Whatever the problems there is between you and the misses in your sexual life, as long as that's not resolved, I would not start with meeting bulls thinking it would be okay for her. As primary partner you must take care of your own sex life before sharing imho.

    Sexual incompatibility can create trust issues. Avoiding 'it' will not make them go away. Feelings of inadequacy towards your partner (sub or consciously) are common. Especially with women who also have self esteem issues. Men have a tendency to try to understand. While sometimes you can't. But you can make sure you gather enough information to help your wife. Listen and support her.
     
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  10. Hedonist Ninja

    Hedonist Ninja Well-Known Member Real Person

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    Just be sure you let her know you are not seeking to tie her to the past, good or bad, and what you both did before. People grow and change. Yet what was started back when can still be fun; or not to some.

    Some women and men worry they have to give a repeat level of 'performance' on how they went about matters decades ago. Mix in emotions from the past and that can be an uneasy ride. That secret worry can get expressed in odd ways.

    Venting is great. Talking to your partner and being willing to hear anything shared and deal with is is the key to finding the best path. It is good you said you talked to a counselor since the right one can help couples greatly.

    Best of luck to you both.
     
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  11. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

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    gif_Yellowball-WOW.gif Some really sincere and sound posts here ... well done, folks! There for a minute I thought maybe I had entered the wrong forum. Flcouple you have a lot to think about and hopefully you'll find a happy resolvement to your issue. I commend you for at least showing concern and putting forth the effort to salvage your marriage. What you're going through, however, is very common in a marriage; how you address it will determine the outcome, and that is up to the two of you.

    Sounds like to me the two of you have temporarily grown apart ... the "no sex" is not the problem, its a result of the problem, so resolving your problem is going to require you find out what the real issue is, and/or, growing your marital partnership back to a healthy state.

    Uncovering the real issue will often be difficult, as she may feel that revealing it may do more harm than good, or it will only complicate the real issue. Not so, of course, but its a knee jerk reaction to dealing with issue. But, it really would do your relationship good to "level" with each other. This may sound silly, but often a little alcohol will help drop her defenses enough to help her open up. Women are very complicated creatures, that's for sure.

    Re-establishing your marital partnership can be fun if you'll try it. Finding "common ground" to rebuild a marriage requires you to look for things to do that the two of you have mutually strong interests in, and doing things neither of you have probably done. This gives you the solid foundation to start growing back together. It could be something simple like camping, charitable work, animal rescue, music, or groups or clubs relating to playing cards, bonsai trees, etc etc ... you need to show her you're much broader and interesting than what she's seen of you thus far. Believe me, this will be good for you as well. Also check your health ... physical and mental. If the two of you are out of shape, possibly join a gym or start walking/jogging. If there are signals of depression, identify it and address it.
    Best of luck, and congratulations for taking "the first step". Mac pic_ThumbsUp.jpg
     
  12. hungteacher

    hungteacher Active Member

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    @MacNfries well said. I am always pleasantly surprised by the posts on this site. I think everyone gets it, and doesnt like to see anyone else in pain or in a unloving relationship. Its the main reason i stick around on here. I want to say to @Flcouple38 you have to find a way to say it directly to your wife, either verbally or write her a note that says "you love her and support her and that you are in this together, no matter what." I know you say you dont understand, but there is only a small part of the whole thing you dont understand. The rest, you do, if you stop, sit down and think about it. You cant make excuses anymore for something thats going on in your relationship. Therapy is great, except if you and her are not willing to just take responsibility and work it out "TOGETHER." No matter what she did, your her husband and you need to be there for her. And vice versa. It doesnt matter whose fault it was, or who got you into the mess in the first place - because whoever and whatever, happened already....get over it. Today is the day you get to spend with your true love, tomorrow is the day you get to spend the rest of your life with her - if you want to throw that away, then dont waste the therapists time or your wife's, just do it. But if you do care about her and care about your marriage, then be a MAN in the relationship step up and tell her you love her. If you don't, you are not even a cuckold, you are not someone who enjoys seeing his wife sexually satisfied, what you are is selfish. I know this is harsh, but Im not your therapist so I dont have to stand behind the veil of protecting your feelings. Your feelings have been hurt by the situation, and so have your wife's - the relationship is in trouble, you need to do your part to repair it. And you need to ask your wife's hand again, and ask her to help you repair it with you....you are a team, no individual can make a marriage work. Do it as a team, talk as a team, love each other as a team. Do it for her, do it for yourself. Good luck man, Im pulling for ya!!
     
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  13. jdflacpl

    jdflacpl Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

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    My wife just tonight pulled the same thing after years of having sex with other guys she wants no part of it and I'm totally confused and hurt by it
     
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  14. hungteacher

    hungteacher Active Member

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    @jdflacpl well what did she say when you asked?
     
  15. Susan Stackpole

    Susan Stackpole Active Member

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    I agree

    You guys need to communicate more and open up to what really is causing this. From a woman point of view I think she might be having a hard time dealing with you being a cuckold. I did at first and took me a while to understand my husband.
     
  16. zku121

    zku121 Active Member

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    Because she love you is YOUR WIFE you and her are the perfect circle the other ones are outside of the circle. Is funny to say but you would not see many black couples do that kind of things,why because us are the one what we been humiliated and abuse for the world in many ways so for us is harder to built families (economical situation,social problems) etc etc and I m sure many black mans they would love have the socially stability (stable countries whit good social systems) what many white mans have.And less former SLAVE heritage that FUCK'S you brain for generations to come.
     
    #16 zku121, Apr 27, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2015
  17. Mrs.InCharge

    Mrs.InCharge Well-Known Member Gold Member

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    She has chosen to stop and that is her right. She doesn't feel as she once does. If I were you I'd be both scared and willing to work on your relationship
     
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  18. vanessabbc

    vanessabbc Active Member

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    these stories scare the sweet fuck out of me. If I risk everything and end up losing my marriage, there is not one person on here who will offer me comfort and surely not even a floor to sleep on. Your whole life can become a wreck in the blink of an eye.
     
  19. bigblackbull76

    bigblackbull76 My BBC would bodyslam KingKong off top the Empire Staff Member Real Person Gold Member

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    @vanessabbc
    lol, there is a difference here in that he entered the journey with a mutual agreement together with his wife.

    If your not on the same page with your significant other on where you want to take things, then that would lead to one facing hardships in life as for every action there is an reaction and one must face the consequences.

    On a good-note, your wrong about no one person on here offering you comfort or a floor to sleep on. I would not only comfort you but also do you one even better, you could sleep on a doggy bed on my floor. Now there, hopefully you should feel a little better. :blackgrimace:

    [​IMG]
     
    #19 bigblackbull76, May 15, 2015
    Last edited: May 15, 2015
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  20. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

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    You know, actually that looks quite cozy to me. I think I could roll up inside one of those. I wonder if they come with mosquito nets?
    gif_Yellowball-sleeping2.gif
     
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