My family problem

#1
Hello to everyone. I am a new member here and i have to say that i am very impressed by the variety of the forum. First of all let me introduce my self. My name is Eleni and i am a married woman with two kids from Greece , Athens. The reason that i am here is cause of a recent problem that occured to my family and i hope that some of you can give me usefull advices. The whole situation started when my 18 years old daughter return for vacations from the university that she study and she tel us that she wants to meet us the boy that she is in love with. So me and my husband we agree to meet the boy that our little girl is in love. The surprise was big enough for both of us but mostly for my husband cause instead of a greek white boy our daughter bring us home a 20 years old boy from Nigeria that she is studing in the same university with her. From this time my husband is in a situation of shock and he cant believe that his little girl is a couple with a black boy. In this point i have to say that in Greece is no common at all for a girl to be with a black boy. Me as a mother i try to be supportive to him but on the other hand i can understand why my daughter made this choise. I never had the opportunity to be with a black man and i am happy for her that she will have this experience. So what should i do?
 

Torpedo

Male
Gold Member
#3
Your daughter is going to follow her heart, the best thing you can do is be supportive. Your husband is just going to have to accept things. If you don't accept him them most likely your daughter will choose him over her parents. If things don't work out in the long term she needs to know that her parents are going to be there for her.
 

Hedonist Ninja

Male
Gold Member
#4
Why do anything? Your baby is an adult. You raised her to be a functioning and independent woman, so I'd assume.

I take it you and your husband will not stop loving your girl no matter what her choices are, so allow that stage of the relationship as a family, where you see your baby making decisions about her life on her own, to be one you accept and learn from. If your girl is smart and the guy is a looser, he won't be with her for too long anyway (skin color not a factor). If they two are good for each others, then be happy there is one more happy couple on the earth.

Are you more worried about any social fallout from what neighbors and friends would say to you and your husband? At times some people wonder how something will reflect on them or the family image more then what is really to be with a non standard relationship a family member is in which is developing.
 

MacNfries

Male
Sweet & Cordial
Gold Member
From
NC, US
#5
I agree with the others here ... she's an adult; allow her to make her own decisions. As a mom, you should probably followup on her birth control methods ... you want to help her be cautiously aware of not becoming a single mom until she's had a chance to start her productive career, and help relax her father into accepting his daughter's decision.
As a parent, myself, of a 15 yo daughter, it never hurts to do a bit of a background check on this guy ... to see if he already has children & if he's supporting them, police records, etc ... that's what I'd do, anyways! ;)
 
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Mariposa blanca

Female
Real Person
Gold Member
From
Canada
#6
I agree. Not sure that this needs to be considered a problem, unless you or your husband decide to turn it into one.

The most important factor in choosing a life partner is not what he or she looks like on the outside, but what they are on the inside and how they will treat you. Parents have to ultimately realize that it is their baby who will be potentially making a life with this person, not them, and look at whether or not the baby is happy and safe in the relationship. Whether others will accept it really shouldn't matter.

Good luck to you all.
 

Ann4BBC

Female
Real Person
Gold Member
From
UK
#7
Difficult one, my Dad was similar in attitude and would have been upset if I had bought a black boy home when i was younger. Should i have been firmer and did what i wanted? Probably. But im glad i met my hubby later. The boy i went out with before i met hubby was white but an unemployed lad who was always in fights, would Dad prefer me to marry him instead of a hard working black lad? Strange some peoples sense of priorities!