wow, scanned your most recent posts, and I do believe a "shrink" would have his/her hands full with you, WhiteGuy ... you have a lot going on inside you. Now there's a thought; seek out a female psychiatrist (preferably rather young) and lay all this stuff on her. You might even print out your posts, here, thus far. You'd at least get an honest opinion, if nothing else, and possibly even a solution if you wanted one, who knows.
Some people simply like being humiliated & mentally/physically abused. Some men desire/fantasize being forcefully taken by men. But, the inability to get an erection for sex is concerning but could be solvable, if you want it to be. Can you get an erection for masturbation?