Probably not the best place/forum to discuss this, but I need advice from people that understand this lifestyle.
My wife and I have been married six plus years, together for nine. Very early in our relationship my wife, then girlfriend, expressed to me a strong attraction to black men, although she had never dated a black man. This was before I had expressed any of my cuckold feelings to her, which had started during my previous relationship. I think this set in motion my desire to share her which has developed over the years.
My wife and I have been discussing this for almost the entirety of our relationship in some form or another. Her interest level in pursuing this in reality has waxed and waned. I would say only once have we ever started to put an action plan in place to make it happen and it died very early on because I got jealous. Regardless, this fantasy has formed the basis of our sex life for years. Nothing turns either of us on as much as this.
We now have a toddler. Parenting is super hard and it hasn't been easy on our sex life. Truthfully, the frequency of our sex life has been an issue since we got married. In good times, it's once a week and in bad times once a month. It's been an issue between us. Recently, I've felt ready to make our fantasy a reality. For a while, she wanted to lose the pregnancy weight before giving it a go.
Two weeks ago we had a very frank and honest discussion about our sex life and she told me that she's been trying to get over some of the religious sexual hangups that she thinks have been holding her back and limiting our intimacy. It was a really good conversation, but I kinda thought like some of our previous ones it wouldn't go anywhere. Boy, was I wrong. We fucked five times in a week and it was great. Then, last Saturday out of the blue she downloaded tinder, and started matching and chatting to black guys.
She was turned off by a lot of the guys but really hit it off with two guys. I was initially very excited and supportive about all of this but as the week has worn on I've been hit with increasing jealousy. I think this is related to a variety of factors. Her willingness to do things with and for them she won't or rarely does with me. Her desire for the boyfriend experience, primarily her attraction to someone she has more in common with than with them being conventionally attractive. There's a lot happening here. I felt my increasing anxiety and asked her if she could stop texting them until we figure some stuff out. The conversation had become very sexual and she had even sent them pics of her in her panties and bra. Might not seem like a lot to you guys but it's amazing if you knew my wife. My wife said she would stop but still proceeded to send a few more texts before winding things down.
I told her today that I'm struggling with this thing that I was sure I wanted but now I'm not so sure. She's very upset and feels rightfully jerked around. I get her point but we also said we'd be honest and let each other know if we weren't comfortable or wanted to stop. I feel like something in her has been unleashed and it's exciting but I can tell she doesn't have a lot of interest to going back to how things were. She wants to move forward with these guys. I'm now questioning if I take want to be this person and why I want someone who doesn't think I'm enough. Feels like the genie is out of the bottle and I'm not sure I'm emotionally capable of dealing with these feelings. I want to talk to a therapist and figure it out but it will take time. Time that I'm not sure my wife wants to wait on.
Honest opinion, where do we go from here? We love each other and have a baby but we may want different things now