Hotwives - Need advice

[Deleted125623]

Would you do us and everyone else a huge favor and explain it a bit more please.

I have posted a long piece on this before, as has Mac. I will see if i can refind the posts and link them in another reply for you.

 

[Deleted125623]

polyamorous relationships​

Angi Becker Stevens

Over the past few years, polyamory has become a more widely known term and practice. And perhaps inevitably, certain misconceptions and misunderstandings about what “polyamory” means have become widespread as well. It would be unfortunately difficult to say which among these misunderstandings is the most common, or the most hurtful to polyamorous folks. But there’s one in particular that I’d like to discuss: the idea that “polyamory” means “committed couple who have casual partners on the side.”

There has been much talk about “open marriage” and “open relationships” in recent years, with some even paradoxically dubbing non-monogamy “the new monogamy.” In this open-marriage conception of non-monogamous relationships, there is still a central, committed (often legally married) couple, who allow one another to engage in purely sexual (or at least quite casual) outside relationships. Generally, any discussion about the benefits of such practice revolves around how it strengthens and/or reinvigorates the central couple in question. To be perfectly clear that I don’t see anything wrong with strictly sexual non-monogamy so long as it’s genuinely fulfilling and consensual for all involved, including the outside partners. But for those of us living in polyamorous families, it can be incredibly frustrating when people use those concepts of open marriage to make assumptions about the structure of our relationships.

Because we live in such a monogamy-centered society, it makes sense that many people can only conceive of non-monogamy in what ultimately still amounts to monogamous terms. There is a common misconception that a polyamorous relationship is really no different from an open-relationship agreement: one committed couple, with some lighthearted fun on the side. But the word “polyamory,” by definition, means loving more than one. Many of us have deeply committed relationships with more than one partner, with no hierarchy among them and no core “couple” at the heart of it all. To me, this notion that there must be one more important relationship, one true love, feels a lot like people looking at same-sex couples and thinking that one person must be the “man” in the relationship and the other must be the “woman.” After all, both of these misunderstandings result from people trying to graft their normative conceptions of love and relationships onto people who are partnering in non-normative ways. It seems that it is somewhat easy for many people to acknowledge that humans are capable of loving one person and still enjoying sex with others (assuming, of course, that the terms of their relationship make such behavior acceptable). But it is much harder for people to think outside the fairy-tale notion of “the one” and imagine that it might be possible to actually romantically love more than one person simultaneously.

The unfortunate result of this is that, for those of us in more than one serious and meaningful relationship, the world around us insists on viewing one of those relationships as less valid than the other, especially when one relationship happens to predate others. I have been with my husband for 17 years, legally married for 11. But I am also deeply in love with and committed to my boyfriend of two and a half years, and it hurts that people make assumptions about that relationship simply being something frivolous and recreational outside my marriage.

Another side effect of this misunderstanding is that people often wonder why we poly people need to talk openly about “what happens behind closed doors.” I have heard many times that there should be no reason to disclose one’s polyamorous relationships with parents, children, or the neighbors. That might seem logical if what we’re talking about is strictly extramarital sexual partners. But my life with my partners isn’t reducible to “what happens behind closed doors” any more than any serious, long-term relationship is. We share a home and a life; we are a family. Openly, publicly acknowledging my boyfriend as my partner is not just saying that we have sex. It’s saying that, like my husband, he is my partner in every sense of the word. He loves me and supports me and respects me. He sees me at my worst and still wants to spend his life with me anyway. It would be unimaginable to me to hide the nature of our relationship, to pretend that he is merely a friend or roommate, to not have him by my side at weddings and funerals and family holiday gatherings. But this is exactly what people are expecting of me when they ask why I feel the need to be so “open” about my “private business.”

Not all polyamorous people have multiple equally committed relationships, and many do designate a more central (typically live-in) relationship as “primary.” But my partners and I are hardly unusual among polyamorous folks. Many share homes in configurations like ours, or as committed triads or quads or complex networks of five or more. Many have deep and lasting relationships with no cohabitation at all. To project traditional conceptions of love and commitment onto these relationships, to view them only as a slight variation on monogamy, is to deny all of the many varied ways that polyamorous people form relationships and families.

If you have polyamorous friends, relatives, or acquaintances, please don’t make assumptions about their lives based on what you think all non-monogamous configurations look like. Let them tell you how they define their relationships. And if they identify multiple people as their partners, don’t try to read into who is more important than whom, imagining hierarchies even if you’re told there are none. Though it might not fit with how you conceptualize love, offer polyamorous relationships the same validation that you would offer any other. And remember what a common human thing it is to want to be able to tell the world — and not be told by the world — whom we love.

 

[LatinQoSCpl]

polyamorous relationships​

Angi Becker Stevens

Over the past few years, polyamory has become a more widely known term and practice. And perhaps inevitably, certain misconceptions and misunderstandings about what “polyamory” means have become widespread as well. It would be unfortunately difficult to say which among these misunderstandings is the most common, or the most hurtful to polyamorous folks. But there’s one in particular that I’d like to discuss: the idea that “polyamory” means “committed couple who have casual partners on the side.”

There has been much talk about “open marriage” and “open relationships” in recent years, with some even paradoxically dubbing non-monogamy “the new monogamy.” In this open-marriage conception of non-monogamous relationships, there is still a central, committed (often legally married) couple, who allow one another to engage in purely sexual (or at least quite casual) outside relationships. Generally, any discussion about the benefits of such practice revolves around how it strengthens and/or reinvigorates the central couple in question. To be perfectly clear that I don’t see anything wrong with strictly sexual non-monogamy so long as it’s genuinely fulfilling and consensual for all involved, including the outside partners. But for those of us living in polyamorous families, it can be incredibly frustrating when people use those concepts of open marriage to make assumptions about the structure of our relationships.

Because we live in such a monogamy-centered society, it makes sense that many people can only conceive of non-monogamy in what ultimately still amounts to monogamous terms. There is a common misconception that a polyamorous relationship is really no different from an open-relationship agreement: one committed couple, with some lighthearted fun on the side. But the word “polyamory,” by definition, means loving more than one. Many of us have deeply committed relationships with more than one partner, with no hierarchy among them and no core “couple” at the heart of it all. To me, this notion that there must be one more important relationship, one true love, feels a lot like people looking at same-sex couples and thinking that one person must be the “man” in the relationship and the other must be the “woman.” After all, both of these misunderstandings result from people trying to graft their normative conceptions of love and relationships onto people who are partnering in non-normative ways. It seems that it is somewhat easy for many people to acknowledge that humans are capable of loving one person and still enjoying sex with others (assuming, of course, that the terms of their relationship make such behavior acceptable). But it is much harder for people to think outside the fairy-tale notion of “the one” and imagine that it might be possible to actually romantically love more than one person simultaneously.

The unfortunate result of this is that, for those of us in more than one serious and meaningful relationship, the world around us insists on viewing one of those relationships as less valid than the other, especially when one relationship happens to predate others. I have been with my husband for 17 years, legally married for 11. But I am also deeply in love with and committed to my boyfriend of two and a half years, and it hurts that people make assumptions about that relationship simply being something frivolous and recreational outside my marriage.

Another side effect of this misunderstanding is that people often wonder why we poly people need to talk openly about “what happens behind closed doors.” I have heard many times that there should be no reason to disclose one’s polyamorous relationships with parents, children, or the neighbors. That might seem logical if what we’re talking about is strictly extramarital sexual partners. But my life with my partners isn’t reducible to “what happens behind closed doors” any more than any serious, long-term relationship is. We share a home and a life; we are a family. Openly, publicly acknowledging my boyfriend as my partner is not just saying that we have sex. It’s saying that, like my husband, he is my partner in every sense of the word. He loves me and supports me and respects me. He sees me at my worst and still wants to spend his life with me anyway. It would be unimaginable to me to hide the nature of our relationship, to pretend that he is merely a friend or roommate, to not have him by my side at weddings and funerals and family holiday gatherings. But this is exactly what people are expecting of me when they ask why I feel the need to be so “open” about my “private business.”

Not all polyamorous people have multiple equally committed relationships, and many do designate a more central (typically live-in) relationship as “primary.” But my partners and I are hardly unusual among polyamorous folks. Many share homes in configurations like ours, or as committed triads or quads or complex networks of five or more. Many have deep and lasting relationships with no cohabitation at all. To project traditional conceptions of love and commitment onto these relationships, to view them only as a slight variation on monogamy, is to deny all of the many varied ways that polyamorous people form relationships and families.

If you have polyamorous friends, relatives, or acquaintances, please don’t make assumptions about their lives based on what you think all non-monogamous configurations look like. Let them tell you how they define their relationships. And if they identify multiple people as their partners, don’t try to read into who is more important than whom, imagining hierarchies even if you’re told there are none. Though it might not fit with how you conceptualize love, offer polyamorous relationships the same validation that you would offer any other. And remember what a common human thing it is to want to be able to tell the world — and not be told by the world — whom we love.

Thank you so much. We are still young in the lifestyle and at times struggle to figure out where we fit in as well.

 

[Deleted125623]

I would suggest that you don't label yourself. explore and understand what it is you think you need, what you feel, and what emotions you experience. Once you find what it is that turns you on emotional, sexualy and mentaly you will find ease of mind and be comfortable in who you are. Stay talking to your lady, involve her and yourself in her wants, wishes also and you will both achieve what you both seek.

Having another guy making love to your wife/girlfiriend doesn't have to be a cuckold experience, i.e your wife doing things behind your back but as a polyamorous relationship where you both get what you need from it. If you should like watching your wife you can add voyeurism in to that relationship. But don't be too keen to say everything is a cuckold thing. It isn't because things like breeding and serving are not cuckold traits. They are maiesiophilia or maieusophoria fetishes nothing to do with cuckolding and a sexual submissive is actually a psychological set of premise's that govern ones way of behaviour towards a given target group or person.

 

[hawkdoc2006]

Once again people trying to give advice when they canot even tell the difference between 'Cockolding', Voyeurism, and Polygamous Relationships, Fetish & Perversions. People, you seriously need to revaluate the meaning of relationships and stop lumping everything under 'Cuckold'.

You are correct in your posts stating many people have, in the strictest sense, misused the word “cuckold.”

If this were a psychology forum discussing peer reviewed studies on human sexual behavior, exact wording would be a necessity. However, B2W is not such a forum. Its users consist, primarily, of laymen sharing advice based on their personal experiences and fantasies.

In such a setting as B2W, expecting anything more than the colloquial use of the word “cuckold” is unrealistic.

Instead of getting caught up in semantics, don’t you think time and energy is better spent on trying to understand the question posed by the original poster, followed by offering advice and opinions applicable to said question?

 

[Deleted125623]

You are correct in your posts stating many people have, in the strictest sense, misused the word “cuckold.”

If this were a psychology forum discussing peer reviewed studies on human sexual behavior, exact wording would be a necessity. However, B2W is not such a forum. Its users consist, primarily, of laymen sharing advice based on their personal experiences and fantasies.

In such a setting as B2W, expecting anything more than the colloquial use of the word “cuckold” is unrealistic.

Instead of getting caught up in semantics, don’t you think time and energy is better spent on trying to understand the question posed by the original poster, followed by offering advice and opinions applicable to said question?

If this were a psychology forum discussing peer reviewed studies on human sexual behavior, exact wording would be a necessity. However, B2W is not such a forum. Its users consist, primarily, of laymen sharing advice based on their personal experiences and fantasies.

No, not even in the strictiest sense have people got it wrong. But in 99% of all cases they have. If they cannot even get the basic of what they are in relation to sexuality or sexual behaviour then they have no chance of even being able to offer any advise as theyare using the wrong basis. B2W is many things and open to many discussions appeasing the 'cuckold' group on B2W just because they cannot grasp the rudimentary basics isn't going to help them see or better their understanding.

In such a setting as B2W, expecting anything more than the colloquial use of the word “cuckold” is unrealistic.

LOl No its not. If you claim to be a cuckold, but want breeding of your female partner by say another guy you fall out of the cuckold circle of myths and enter the 'fetish, perverse' realms of human sexual psychology. Dressing it up as cuckold won't wash, and people need to understand that. Explaining to educate and further ones understanding is a primary goal of everyone..Unless you are willing to accept being ignorant through life .

Instead of getting caught up in semantics, don’t you think time and energy is better spent on trying to understand the question posed by the original poster, followed by offering advice and opinions applicable to said question?[/QUOTE

No Because I didn't reply to the original poster. I commentated about those offering advice when they have clearly demonstrated on B2W that they haven't even the most basic of understandings about which they are trying to put across as help.

Hope that clears matters up for you. Enjoy the thread.

 

[hawkdoc2006]

No, not even in the strictiest sense have people got it wrong. But in 99% of all cases they have. If they cannot even get the basic of what they are in relation to sexuality or sexual behaviour then they have no chance of even being able to offer any advise as theyare using the wrong basis. B2W is many things and open to many discussions appeasing the 'cuckold' group on B2W just because they cannot grasp the rudimentary basics isn't going to help them see or better their understanding.



LOl No its not. If you claim to be a cuckold, but want breeding of your female partner by say another guy you fall out of the cuckold circle of myths and enter the 'fetish, perverse' realms of human sexual psychology. Dressing it up as cuckold won't wash, and people need to understand that. Explaining to educate and further ones understanding is a primary goal of everyone..Unless you are willing to accept being ignorant through life .

The suggestion a person can’t offer sound advice about something they have personally experienced, because they don’t classify what they experienced by its current clinical name, is simply false. That’s like a battlefield commander saying intel provided by a trusted source can’t be valid, because the source said they were “looking around” the enemy’s position, rather than saying they were “reconnoitering” the enemy’s position.

I agree with you, in that people should educate themselves in all that they do. However, doing so, or not doing so, and the extent to which they educate themselves is their choice. It should not be ****** upon them, nor should their experiences be dismissed as irrelevant, because they don’t call their kink by the name you approve.

 

[Deleted125623]

The suggestion a person can’t offer sound advice about something they have personally experienced, because they don’t classify what they experienced by its current clinical name, is simply false. That’s like a battlefield commander saying intel provided by a trusted source can’t be valid, because the source said they were “looking around” the enemy’s position, rather than saying they were “reconnoitering” the enemy’s position.

I agree with you, in that people should educate themselves in all that they do. However, doing so, or not doing so, and the extent to which they educate themselves is their choice. It should not be ****** upon them, nor should their experiences be dismissed as irrelevant, because they don’t call their kink by the name you approve.

That’s like a battlefield commander saying intel provided by a trusted source can’t be valid, because the source said they were “looking around” the enemy’s position, rather than saying they were “reconnoitering” the enemy’s position.

Ermm no it doesn't. Because any battle field commander will have the basics all worked out and will KNOW what is involved and why. That cannot be said for the 99% of the so called cucks. Not a very good analogy from you I'm afraid as it it does is expose the failing of those your trying to support.

It should not be ****** upon them, nor should their experiences be dismissed as irrelevant, because they don’t call their kink by the name you approve.

I see you are attempting to make assumptions about which you have no information on. I don't call them anything I research and USE THE MEDICAL and PSYCHOLOGICAL expert opinions and evaluations & terms. Its all that simple.

However, doing so, or not doing so, and the extent to which they educate themselves is their choice

I would agree with you. But. If their ignorance and lack of a subject education has a baring on how they behave towards others and in a manner that causes concerns then I'm afraid it becomes a matter for every one.

 

[LatinQoSCpl]

I would suggest that you don't label yourself. explore and understand what it is you think you need, what you feel, and what emotions you experiance. Once you find what it is that turns you on emotional, sexualy and mentaly you will find ease of mind and be comforatble in who you are. Stay talking to your lady, involve her and yourself in her wants, wishes also and you will both achieve what you both seek.

Having another guy making love to your wife/girlfiriend doesn't have to be a cuckold experiance, i.e your wife ec doing things behind your back but as a polyamorous relationship where you both get what you need from it. If you shold like watching your wife you can add voyeurism in to that relationship. But don't be too keen to say everything is a cuckold thing. It isn't because things like breeding and serving are not cucold traits. They are maiesiophilia or maieusophoria fetishes nothing to do with cuckolding and a sexual submissive is actually a psychological set of premise's that govern ones way of behaviour towatds a given target group or person.

Again. Thank you for the amazing detail. You are so right. Communication is a key. We enjoy what we do and we enjoy it together.

 

[CuckToBeInWV]

It’s already more than month that I tried BBC, it’s completely amazing. I even can’t compare it to sex with my husband not only for size. I think most of black man looks much more sexier than white men and for me it’s big advantage. Now I’m sexually addicted to my bull, sometimes we have sex twice in a day. At first hubby enjoyed from all that, but now I feel sorry for him. He become jealous because we didn’t invite him anymore to watch us. I don’t want to destroy our marriage. Please give me advice what to do? Am I doing things right? or I should change anything to avoid problems?

I've offered advice, but the board masters have chimed in with belittling comments for anyone that does not use approved terminology. I would suggest, in the future, instead of asking the board for opinions, you should as the people who run the board. They clearly know it all, and the rest of us, we don't have a clue. You should probably ask future questions in a private message to them.

 

[MacNfries]

re CuckToBe: [ I tell you, the people making a big deal about semantics makes this place very unwelcoming. I'm about to leave due to it, people who style themselves as intellectuals lecturing us (and likely me specifically) over this.]
....If I've lectured you or insulted you, I certainly do apologize, ok? The basic definitions of cuckolding, however, are quite simple, but everyone has their OWN understanding without even researching what it is. It just makes it difficult for me and others to comment on something when we realize the poster's comments are misconstruing basic definitions and understandings.
....Suppose some folks had their own definition as to what the color RED looked like, and the color GREEN ... imagine how hazardous and confusing it would make driving an auto? Cuckolding is a very distinctive event and it has nothing to do with color, penis size, or any of the many other assumed situations many mention. If you assume that all cuckolding is caused by the size of a white man's penis, you'd be missing out on the primary cause of cuckolding.
But, that said, again I apologize to sound as if I was lecturing or insulting you. I'll refrain from commenting on your posts going forward, ok? Or, you can simply block my name, and I won't even SEE your posts.
....Have a great day ...
The Sweet & Cordial Mac.....

 

[ANNA7]

Every person is a world unto itself. The interaction of two creates a special synergy, and when it comes to three it is even more difficult to give an advice, because there is no universal formula. At first, your situation seems to be quite usual. A man excited by the idea of "sharing" his wife, but then discovers that he has opened the Pandora's box and he cannot deal with the situation because reality has little to do with his fantasies.

The problem is, if your husband is not a truly omega male, for him could be really hard to accept that other man is better than him in sex. Maybe he expected the bull just to be a "complement" for your sex life and now he considers the black stud as a rival that has overcome him. This situation can easily affect his self-esteem. Most of the advices in this thread have assumed your husband is an "authentic" cuckold, someone who enjoys with humiliation, but he can also be a person that has unsuccessfully tried with a kink.

If you really love him, you should behave to give the impression that your relationship with your bull is just sex. You should make your hubby feel special in some way. Maybe a solution is mocking of your bull, or whatever you can imagine.

Thank you for such advice.

 

[Hansjensen]

Hubs needs to understand that you will be having sex with your bull regardless if he is there or not. Hubs also needs to understand that you will have sex with your bull with or without warning.

Something you can try is on a day/night that your husband is home, you should walk around in your underwear. You can kiss him or whatever, but don't let him touch. Now, you should also have your bull come over. And the very second your bull walks in the house you need to make sure hubs is in the room when you great your bull. And upon greeting your bull, you drop to your knees and start sucking his cock.
This will show hubs that you give it all to your bull and that it is a privilege for hubs to be there when he is there, but it is not mandatory that he is there all the time.
Once your bull has cum in your mouth, then take him to the bedroom and let him have his way with you.

Do you love him? Why not let him watch?

 

[Easygliderpro]

The author is no longer a user. I hope her relationship with her husband didn’t end up in a Russian roulette....