Happy, loving, devoted wives cheat too!

[Seth1805]

I never thought I would cheat but after servers years of being married and husband paying more attention to his job than me . That was missing and itbjust happened to be a black man that did give me that attention

What I wrote to Miaxss so you know where I am coming from:
And you just described our relationship. My wife loves me however several years back our sex life bottomed out due to career then my retirement from the military. Big loss of confidence and sex drive. It did not help any that a few years after that I discovered interracial porn and I became fixated on watching her with a black man and knew we had a problem because I was no longer "taking care of her."
The blame was all on me because my wife craves attention in the bedroom and I knew that lack of attention might hurt our marriage. I also felt like it was just a matter of time before she sought out another man to pleasure her. So, since I had these fantasies anyway, I, in a seemingly subconscious way came to the conclusion she should take a sexual partner to prevent her from seeking out others without my knowledge and to receive the attention she deserves.
It must have been something she had pondered because she was very receptive to the idea once I got up the nerve to discuss it with her. And so far all the talk of her being with another man has not hurt us and in fact has brought us together in ways. I think we both accept the fact another man is needed because this went on for far too long and she has desires that I'm not meeting.
It's "cheating" but with my knowledge.

ATTN Jennie:

Trust me Jennie, I never thought my relationship with my wife would involve her being with another man in bed. What you posted about your husband reminds me of myself at the end of military career and once I focused my attention on that it was easier to avoid my duties as a husband in bed, there was always an excuse which my wife accepted without complaint.
The issue was it continued after I retired and I knew my wife was going to do what women like you have to do and that is seek out attention from another man. Thankfully, as I stated in the message to Miasxx, I had a solution that resolved the issue. My wife enjoys attention and the only way I knew it was going to happen was to introduce another man into our relationship.
I was candid and admitted my own failings but stressed my love for her and the fact she could be with another man but we could still have our marriage and she agreed.
The fact I have this desire to see her with a black man does not, I hope, make me disingenuous. The fact remained we were not having sex and had not had sex but a couple of times a year for several years and then it was nothing special on my part. It was a sexless marriage for all intents and purposes. We talked about the "cheating" part as it relates to our marriage and find it an acceptable arrangement.
I'm not going to lie though, her being with a black man has me stoked because I get to witness that passion and fire she has in the bedroom and I imagine it to be much more intense with a person of another race.

 

[Seth1805]

I have no evidence for what I'm about to say, but intuitively I don't think a lot of women marry husbands for the great sex, more for the love and companionship and stability that marriage brings - many of course will have great sex, too. But over time, she will usually want more...

Women can get both but there are many times where they marry someone not sexually compatible but a great provider. From what I've read you are spot on, sex grows stale and if the husband is not putting forth effort women seek out other men to make them feel good in bed and ultimately about themselves.

 

[Sub4Dommes&BBC]

Women can get both but there are many times where they marry someone not sexually compatible but a great provider. From what I've read you are spot on, sex grows stale and if the husband is not putting forth effort women seek out other men to make them feel good in bed and ultimately about themselves.

Thing is there are different ways to put in the effort, one is to think of more exciting ways to be a lover, but also helping and supporting her to find other lovers, which she will appreciate

 

[smileysteph76]

Women embrace change better than most men (partly because I think it could be threatening to their perceived place in 'the hierarchy' of the male world), but she will want to change, explore, fulfil her own needs and desires, perhaps after being the good wife and mom for a few years, for example. When she is not allowed to fly she will become frustrated and either cheat or leave or worse suffer in silence.

Lol you have me figured out. I often told myself that "ive been a good girl long enough" and it is "time to do something for me for once" as justification for the actions i took.

 

[Sub4Dommes&BBC]

Lol you have me figured out. I often told myself that "ive been a good girl long enough" and it is "time to do something for me for once" as justification for the actions i took.

Steph, those are just socially induced norms most of us play to. Key thing is about what do you want and how do you best go about getting it. nobody is living your life but you and you should make it the best life possible.

 

[Seth1805]

The important thing is that you know that your wife has another man. You could also participate if your wife agrees

Honestly, I got lucky and figured out a very unconventional solution to my issue. My wife has put up with my inattention for awhile and it is probably a miracle she never ran into a man who charmed her enough to cheat.
She has no problem with any of this as it pertains to our marriage either. I think she found hope in us and in her own self when I mentioned another man.

 

[Sub4Dommes&BBC]

Honestly, I got lucky and figured out a very unconventional solution to my issue. My wife has put up with my inattention for awhile and it is probably a miracle she never ran into a man who charmed her enough to cheat.
She has no problem with any of this as it pertains to our marriage either. I think she found hope in us and in her own self when I mentioned another man.

Did she ever say that she had thought about other men?

 

[Seth1805]

Lol you have me figured out. I often told myself that "ive been a good girl long enough" and it is "time to do something for me for once" as justification for the actions i took.

I think this might be one of the reasons my wife was so receptive to all of this. She was the dutiful wife and mom and after being "neglected" for so long it's like she knew it was time for her to take care of her needs.

 

[Sub4Dommes&BBC]

I think this might be one of the reasons my wife was so receptive to all of this. She was the dutiful wife and mom and after being "neglected" for so long it's like she knew it was time for her to take care of her needs.

I think it is one of the most crucial and heartfelt things a husband or bf can do for his partner is to acknowledge her needs, I can imagine your wife was thrilled you were on the same page as her, so to speak

 

[smileysteph76]

Steph, those are just socially induced norms most of us play to. Key thing is about what do you want and how do you best go about getting it. nobody is living your life but you and you should make it the best life possible.

Yeah unfortunately my situation has become more complex lol, pursuing my best life at this point will bring a lot of drama and stress. Things sometimes go beyond a simple fling for fun. It makes the decision about if the benefits will outweigh the consequences harder to figure out, or at least make you very careful about how you go after it

 

[Sub4Dommes&BBC]

Yeah unfortunately my situation has become more complex lol, pursuing my best life at this point will bring a lot of drama and stress. Things sometimes go beyond a simple fling for fun. It makes the decision about if the benefits will outweigh the consequences harder to figure out, or at least make you very careful about how you go after it

Fro sure steph, life is never usually simple, it is mostly complex and tends to get more complex as one gets older, so my comment was really about keeping that attitude and focus in mind otherwise you risk losing sight of it. I didn't make that part clear in my posting, apologies for that.

 

[Seth1805]

Did she ever say that she had thought about other men?

Yes, she did once we got deeper into the discussion about her with another man. I asked had she been attracted to anyone during all of this and she mentioned one black guy with whom she used to work with for 3 years.
She said he was a tall, good looking guy, about our age and always paid her compliments. She works the floor of a major casino and she said he was security so he spent a lot of time escorting her to slot machines.
She said he flirted with her often and that at some point she became attracted to him and yes, fantasized about him. I did not want to mention this because it comes off as very convenient as to fit with my own fantasy but it is the truth.
My wife was unapologetic about it, she said he was sweet to her and that once she got to know him she "liked" who he was (a nice man) and "what" he was (this big black man whom looked like a stud.)

 

[Sub4Dommes&BBC]

Yes, she did once we got deeper into the discussion about her with another man. I asked had she been attracted to anyone during all of this and she mentioned one black guy with whom she used to work with for 3 years.
She said he was a tall, good looking guy, about our age and always paid her compliments. She works the floor of a major casino and she said he was security so he spent a lot of time escorting her to slot machines.
She said he flirted with her often and that at some point she became attracted to him and yes, fantasized about him. I did not want to mention this because it comes off as very convenient as to fit with my own fantasy but it is the truth.
My wife was unapologetic about it, she said he was sweet to her and that once she got to know him she "liked" who he was (a nice man) and "what" he was (this big black man whom looked like a stud.)

I guess she felt relieved and excited to know that you had fantasies that involved similar things to what she was experiencing and by the sounds of it enjoying the attention - has this made it easier for you both to get into this lifestyle do you think?

 

[smileysteph76]

Fro sure steph, life is never usually simple, it is mostly complex and tends to get more complex as one gets older, so my comment was really about keeping that attitude and focus in mind otherwise you risk losing sight of it. I didn't make that part clear in my posting, apologies for that.

Lol no problem, my comment was mostly me admitting that what I thought would be easy, fun, and uncomplicated became easy, fun, and complicated.

I dont regret anything Ive done though.

 

[Spanishwife4blacks]

I definitely agree with you. A wife cheating with another man is her actively seeking something the relationship isn't providing for her, good sex. I myself am cheating on my SO and it hasn't hurt my relationship to him. He is unable to satisfy me in bed so I have other men do it for him.

But it the case you are talking you aren't total happy you have big problems in the sexual relations with your husband. Im so sorry but you can't say that you are totally happy in your relationship. Sex is a very important thing.

 

[Seth1805]

I think it is one of the most crucial and heartfelt things a husband or bf can do for his partner is to acknowledge her needs, I can imagine your wife was thrilled you were on the same page as her, so to speak

I honestly figured this all out as I went along. I'd like to say it was who I am as a person but that would not be entirely accurate. It helped that I had this fantasy about her being with a hung black man and once I realized I was not going to be their for her I knew I had nothing to lose by offering her the chance to be with another man.
My luck was she craved the attention and was receptive to it all and that included the idea of being with a black man.

 

[Sub4Dommes&BBC]

Lol no problem, my comment was mostly me admitting that what I thought would be easy, fun, and uncomplicated became easy, fun, and complicated.

I dont regret anything Ive done though.

Complicated I feel is something women deal with easier than men! I'm glad you are having fun and have no regrets, you really shouldn't, you have to love yourself first, not many of us do that or find it easy to get that in our lives.

 

[Seth1805]

But it the case you are talking you aren't total happy you have big problems in the sexual relations with your husband. Im so sorry but you can't say that you are totally happy in your relationship. Sex is a very important thing.

In a perfect world each person in a marriage would be compatible in every way. A lot marriages end this way so if your partner is not sexually compatible and you want to maintain the marriage why not seek out another partner for sexual needs.
Marriage is a social construct. Some cultures do not even have a word for marriage. Look up the term walking marriages.

 

[Seth1805]

Thing is there are different ways to put in the effort, one is to think of more exciting ways to be a lover, but also helping and supporting her to find other lovers, which she will appreciate

That is exactly what I am doing.

 

[Sub4Dommes&BBC]

In a perfect world each person in a marriage would compatible in every way. A lot marriages end this way so if your partner is not sexually compatible and you want to maintain the marriage why not seek out another partner for sexual needs.
Marriage is a social construct. Some cultures do not even have a word for marriage.

this is true, and how we construct our marriages is up to us to a large extent, some will be monogamous, some will be swingers, etc. etc. we are largely free to be what we want together.