Definitely, sexual self-confidence needs to be secured before sharing her with the bigger man.
Cuckoldry......Healthy Form of Male Sexuality?
- Thread starter vej54
- Start date
Human sexuality is so diverse. We are all uniquely different. In our case we have been swingers for many years. We still are. I don't see that as destructive for us. For others it could mean the end of their relationship. I personally have a hard time wrapping my head around staying with your bull for the weekend or going on vacation while the husband stays home and works so that you and your bull can play in the Caribbean. Obviously that sort of thing works for some people. However, I wonder about the long-term effect. At some point I would think this would become abuse. The wife and bull get all the good and none of the bad like paying for the vacation! The husband on the other hand gets all of the bad. He has to stay home in an empty house and go to work every day to support all the fun the wife and bull are having. I think if you are going to enter into a relationship like that you have to realize there could be some very serious consequences. It's all about choices. You can make yours, and I'll make mine. Then we have to live with the consequences of our decisions.
Affirmative....honest communication is essential otherwise don't enter and play in the LS.
Craig Rudd
Male
I don't like the humiliating aspect many people talk about. It's weird to me, and not a turn on. What is a turn on is how sexy my wife is and how sexual she is. That's the truth. I really love having the sexiest woman. She does not dress sexy all the time, but there is hints of sexiness all the time if you know what I mean. So is it healthy that she is having lots of sex and that she is in a relationship with me? I think so. We are happy now, it did take quite a struggle to get where we are. Lots of jealousy, break ups, fights..... I really never thought we would be still together, and for sure when my brothers wife saw her holding hands with another man during the day while I was at work..... I really thought we were done then. So I guess part of me does not like that...that my family knows our lifestyle a little bit. They still accept her, and no one talks about it in front of us. She is a sexy independent woman, and I have come to terms with that. We do not have ******* so why not? It is not as if historically people were not having sex with each other.... and I am noticing that some guys have the charm, or the luck?... to have sex with many beautiful women. That women desire being desired... and that over time women tend to the same kind of guys if they are promiscuous, so as a couple in the lifestyle for 6 years I noticed three local men in particular that enjoy lots of sex with what I consider the hottest women around. Some try it once, some repeat with them. They are always pleasant and courteous to all women and they just have the magic to make it all work. My wife is very good friends with these guys, yes she spends time with them and yes I am sure she fucks them. One in particular. .. .. . and she always comes back to me. Today she is with him, they drove to see a popular artist together since Thursday. She will be back today. Healthy.
Craig Rudd
Male
How so? My wife was openly seeing other men when I met her, and I want to be with her and she still does that... I am not weak. I am in love with a woman, she happens to be promiscuous. I think she is an incredible woman. Confident, happy and sexy. Is it wrong to have a relationship with someone like that?
Humiliation that you "like" is not really humiliation.
Humiliation is something very painful that you are driven to endure because of a greater need you have or perceive.
Do the men that your wife prefers fucking - do they allow other men to move in on their wives or girlfriends? Or do they guard that territory jealously? It matters.
It is wonderful that you accepted your role and your fate before ever even marrying your wife. Most cuckolds come to this realization after their marriage and after a lot more turmoil than you and your wife have probably had to experience. But, let's not mistake it for something somehow noble.
A cuckold is a cuckold. And, very simply and easily put - a cuckold is simply a male that allows his wife to fuck other men and accepts it. Nothing more, nothing less.
And, there is nothing wrong with denial. Particularly if it helps you accept your wife's sex life and sexual preferences. Perhaps you are even one of these males that claim, "Oh, I'm not a 'cuckold,' I am a "stag.'" Well, yeah, okay . . .
"We are happy now, it did take quite a struggle to get where we are. Lots of jealousy, break ups, fights..... I really never thought we would be still together, and for sure when my brothers wife saw her holding hands with another man during the day while I was at work..... I really thought we were done then. So I guess part of me does not like that...that my family knows our lifestyle a little bit. They still accept her, and no one talks about it in front of us."
These are the compromises cuckolds make. You have made quite a few obviously. You are not done.
And, humiliation is a natural and organic part of being a cuckold. You experienced a notable dose of this when your brother and your sister-in-law discovered the situation you agreed to in order to keep your wife at any cost. That look they give you when they see you and the unspoken topic occurs to everyone . . . you know, that look that gives you a good idea of what they are thinking, what they are discussing in private and what they are speculating about. That is humiliation, and you have embraced it - you have accepted it. You are a cuckold.
Men make other choices entirely when confronted with these situations. Cuckolds make these very particular choices.
Also, women make very particular choices. There are things that drive us to make these choices. There is something not at home. You have to step out for it. You have to experience some judgement and ridicule for it Some friends and even some family have to find out more than what you wanted them to know in order for you to get what you need from who you so desperately need it from. You have to inflict pain and humiliation on your spouse on a regular basis to please the men that you really so desperately want.
All that comes at a huge price. But, it is a price paid by women that married outside of their passion. And, it is a price paid, admittedly disproportionately, by cuckolds - not by healthy men. Men control their environments, they pursue their sexual desires vigorously and in multitudes if possible. They fuck and they procreate where possible and where chance and circumstance allow.
Denial is okay. But, it does require you to stay in your own lane - stay in your "comfortable" frame of mind. If you step out into the reality of the lifestyle, someone is going to call it like it is.
Focus on what you have. You love your wife very much, just like you said. She is finding that good masculine sex with men that can provide her with what she so desperately needs, but just doesn't have at home. Further, she is, I'm sure, providing some very talented men with extra pussy in addition to what they have monogamously at home. And, you are providing your wife with a home, stability, security, respectability and love while she does what she does. You are doing your part.
Craig Rudd
Male
You don't know everyone's path in this lifestyle. She and I have great sex. I am part of what she needs. She does not come home and humiliate me or tell me I'm worthless. On the contrary she knows I love being around her, she knows how to please and tease me. She loves me, and she tells me so all the time. I have met some of the men she still sees. They respect me and know me. I never talk about that part of her with them and they never even mention that they are in a sexual relationship with her. All they ever talk about is how gorgeous she is, and how lucky I am. There is no denial, and I am not a cuck. Cucks are weak I am not. It is called compersion. She did not have to marry me.... Have you ever thought about that?
Okay.
Indeed.
Most people dealing with questions about cuckolding have only limited experience: just their own one. Nevertheless, they dare to draw far-reaching general conclusions about the rest of the cuckolding world.
Humans have a strong tendency to "detect" non-existing general laws from just a few cases. Daniel Kahneman has explained this nicely in his "Thinking Fast and Slow". He called it ironically the "Law of Small Numbers".
It can be for a couple in Love that respect each other however it is VERY complicated
and convoluted with online male fantasy fake nonsense .
I don't want to step on others fantasy but We do strive for reality
and reaching out to those people for support and knowledge sharing .
REAL people have lives , family ,work and outside factors that intrude on living a cuckold life .
My answer is it can be but it is rare .
and convoluted with online male fantasy fake nonsense .
I don't want to step on others fantasy but We do strive for reality
and reaching out to those people for support and knowledge sharing .
REAL people have lives , family ,work and outside factors that intrude on living a cuckold life .
My answer is it can be but it is rare .
Yes, compersion is a good thing. However, it does not negate the other things I suggested. I do not think you are worthless. That is not what I said.
If I may? Just to explore this further, because I am curious.
You have said on other threads that when you and your wife have discussed her sex life in too much detail, you have fought. What details have resulted in arguments? Why do you think arguments resulted from these discussions if things are so very honest, healthy and normal?
Also, have you actually witnessed your wife's sex life with these men? Have you discussed with her why she has insisted throughout your dating life and married life to continue fucking these other men? What is it that she needs so desperately that they provide, yet you do not? What special intimacies is she sharing with these men that you may not be aware? Or is she sharing these special intimacies withb you, her very loving husband, without feeling free to discuss them with you freely?
Have you invited these men into your home? Your marital bed? Would that not help normalize this lifestyle even more than you have asserted you already have?
Are you sure they are being kept in the dark about your . . . status . . . we won't use that awful "c" word, for now.
If this is so very "normal" and "healthy," have you disclosed and discussed in a healthy, functional way you and your wife's lifestyle choices with your brother and sister-in-law, to help them understand, and put their minds at ease?
You have stated you and your wife have argued? What about? Why, if everything is so settled? Do you feel your wife is definitely the dominate partner in your marriage? Where do you draw the "red line" in your marriage - the point that you will not cross and, pardon the phrase, will not allow her to cross?
I sincerely hope this doesn't upset you, and helps bring us all to a better understanding of different aspects of this wonderful lifestyle.
Christy
Craig Rudd
Male
No. i do not invite the men into my home. In the past things have not been so clear and open.
I have not witnessed the sex nor do I want to.
She can be very candid, and i would rather not hear about it. That's where i am with that.
The men know that she is my wife. They think i do not know, they think that she is cheating on me, well with a couple exceptions (And the swingers)
My brother and sister in law do not need to know.
My wife has her lifestyle. She likes health and beauty and working out and going out. She likes dressing up and traveling and going to the beach.
I won't let her humiliate me, not that she would, or bring a guy into our home that I don't know.
I suspected. Post if you wish to explore these issues. Otherwise I'll leave you alone.
Craig Rudd
Male
What exactly are you curious about?
The questions I posted are pretty deep. One sentence answers pretty clearly state you do NOT want to even think about these issues in your marriage. I would suggest this is even more unhealthy than the overall nature of the cuckold lifestyle.
Have you considered the idea that the best sex of your marriage takes place without you even being able to witness it?
Craig Rudd
Male
Why would you assume that? We have great sex.
Good. Fantastic.
Craig Rudd
Male
She does not lie. She tells me we have good sex and that I am a good lover.
Why would anyone, least of all you wife, ever tell you something you didn't want to hear?! You are so calm and rational about the whole reality of it . . .
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