Anyone bring this up in couples' counseling?

[hoburgh]

I'm curious if any married couples on here are in couples' counseling and have discussed this kink in front of their therapists? And if so, what was the response?

I've tried for years to get my wife to cuck me (ideally with a black lover), and she won't do it, though she'll humor me with role playing and such. Which: fine. I've come to a reluctant peace with her decision. She's perfect for me in so many other ways.

Anyhow, my interracial cuckolding request has come up in our marriage counseling sessions from time to time (or at least it used to before I came to aforesaid peace), and our therapist would respond by reassuring my wife that it's clearly just an innocent, harmless fantasy of mine... I don't actually WANT my wife to DO it. Eventually I had to reply, basically: lol yes I do. That caught her off-guard a bit. We even ended up forwarding her some online info about interracial cucking and FLRs and orgasm-denial... all the stuff that I'd spent years begging my wife for. I'm sure that was a fun read.

Our therapist, to her credit, never just came right out and called my request wrong or aberrant or shameful... or that I was a bad person for wanting what I wanted. She stayed pretty neutral about it (though her body language made it pretty clear that she personally believed cuckoldry to be a perilous road). Later on when I finally told my wife that I recognized and respected her decision not to cuck me and that I would stop pressuring her to take a lover (black or otherwise), I felt an unexpected bit of depression, which the therapist identified as mourning... she saw that I was mourning the loss of a future that I'd long hoped for (being a cuck to a black-owned wife) and that I had now come to understand was unattainable. And she was right about that! I *was* mourning that loss. Putting some words to the loss definitely helped me to process it.

Now, am I all the way over it? Has my kink gone away? Well, no. I'm still here on B2W, aren't I? But at least I'm done cudgeling my partner over it, which has helped our marriage, I believe. And we still have the role plays. Especially on or around my birthday. *******'s Day night is a big role play night too.

Anyway: any other couples find the courage to bring this up in front of a counselor?

*note: apologies, this is a cross-post from the main board. I'm now realizing the Cuck Forum might be the more appropr

 

[Visiting1968]

Such is life. Your wife loves you and her idea of devotion is not sleeping with other men. There is some virtue in that. Appreciate her, who she is and her values, as well as the role playing, though that will get boring in time and you will want more. You can also chat with bulls who are willing to chat about it and that will satisfy you to some degree.

 

[yourluvrman]

One of my hotwife playmates is a therapist, and during pillow talk, she told me in a general way, as not to divulge confidentiality, says yes, she has and does counsel couples in the LS.

 

[Megahuge]

I'm curious if any married couples on here are in couples' counseling and have discussed this kink in front of their therapists? And if so, what was the response?

I've tried for years to get my wife to cuck me (ideally with a black lover), and she won't do it, though she'll humor me with role playing and such. Which: fine. I've come to a reluctant peace with her decision. She's perfect for me in so many other ways.

Anyhow, my interracial cuckolding request has come up in our marriage counseling sessions from time to time (or at least it used to before I came to aforesaid peace), and our therapist would respond by reassuring my wife that it's clearly just an innocent, harmless fantasy of mine... I don't actually WANT my wife to DO it. Eventually I had to reply, basically: lol yes I do. That caught her off-guard a bit. We even ended up forwarding her some online info about interracial cucking and FLRs and orgasm-denial... all the stuff that I'd spent years begging my wife for. I'm sure that was a fun read.

Our therapist, to her credit, never just came right out and called my request wrong or aberrant or shameful... or that I was a bad person for wanting what I wanted. She stayed pretty neutral about it (though her body language made it pretty clear that she personally believed cuckoldry to be a perilous road). Later on when I finally told my wife that I recognized and respected her decision not to cuck me and that I would stop pressuring her to take a lover (black or otherwise), I felt an unexpected bit of depression, which the therapist identified as mourning... she saw that I was mourning the loss of a future that I'd long hoped for (being a cuck to a black-owned wife) and that I had now come to understand was unattainable. And she was right about that! I *was* mourning that loss. Putting some words to the loss definitely helped me to process it.

Now, am I all the way over it? Has my kink gone away? Well, no. I'm still here on B2W, aren't I? But at least I'm done cudgeling my partner over it, which has helped our marriage, I believe. And we still have the role plays. Especially on or around my birthday. *******'s Day night is a big role play night too.

Anyway: any other couples find the courage to bring this up in front of a counselor?

*note: apologies, this is a cross-post from the main board. I'm now realizing the Cuck Forum might be the more appropr

I feel the exact same way except my wife has fucked other guys and then decided to close our relationship for now.. mourning is a good word for that feel..

 

[Bryan&Naome32]

Well were not embarrassed if that what someone thinks not in counseling but I could carelese... We invite blk men into our marriage to fuk her.. we enjoy it

 

[MacNfries]

re: Anyone bring this up in couples' counseling?

My wife & I have never had to use a couples counselor in our 22 years of marriage. Never even had a "real" knock down, drag out argument that we've heard others have experienced. We started our relationship "swinging" with other couples & singles in college, so we never had to cross that "infidelity" line that so many married couples (wives primarily) tend to do through.
Having read your post, however, the two of you seem to communicate pretty good, its just that your desire is too direct and a lot for her to consider. You haven't sold her on the idea because you haven't presented your case properly ... a soft touch, indirect "sales" approach would probably work so much better. To convince anyone to do anything you need to create a desire or a concern that needs to be addressed. Have you explained the benefits that SHE will get out of having sex with other men? O,r have you only expressed the desire you have of seeing her with other men? What's in it for HER? She risks, by doing this, it having a negative impact on the marriage down the road ... maybe not immediately. She's content where she is, and willing to fantasy play to appease your desire; at least she's trying. If you have children in the home, that's ONE of her concerns so you need to have thought out an answer for that when it comes up.
What is YOUR WIFE'S deepest sexual fantasy? Has she even told you about it? Sometimes its hard getting a wife to give that kind of info up. She'll tell her best girlfriend, but, not her hubby. BUT, until you know what SHE likes and fantasizes about, simply desiring and asking her to fulfill YOUR desire isn't enough. To get my wife to consider anything "not normal", I have to set the stage, the mood, the tone ... in getting her in that special mind-set to agree with me or say "yes". You're also asking her to do TWO things ... have sex with another man in front of you, and to have sex with a black man ... that's two things you're asking for; that's a lot, particularly if she's never been with ANY man but you.
Some of the posters & readers here can give you some good suggestions, I'm sure. I know how MY wife works and she can be a bit complicated, as any woman can be. I don't always get what I want from her. You just need to figure out which buttons to push, and in WHAT ORDER ...

 

[BiSubCuck]

I feel for you i really do. I respect you and your wife for actually talking about this with a counsellor. But i have been married and know exactly how you are feeling. It doesn't go away.
I dont think of the cuckolding lifestyle as a fetish or a kink. I think of myself as a cuckold and thats my sexuality. Others may handle this in their mind in a very different way. But i know i cannot have a vanilla relationship. It just holds no appeal and it would be set for failure just like those Ive failed in during my past.
I wish you well but i cant imagine life is going to be good. I hope Im wrong. We are all different after all.

 

[hoburgh]

re: Anyone bring this up in couples' counseling?

My wife & I have never had to use a couples counselor in our 22 years of marriage. Never even had a "real" knock down, drag out argument that we've heard others have experienced. We started our relationship "swinging" with other couples & singles in college, so we never had to cross that "infidelity" line that so many married couples (wives primarily) tend to do through.
Having read your post, however, the two of you seem to communicate pretty good, its just that your desire is too direct and a lot for her to consider. You haven't sold her on the idea because you haven't presented your case properly ... a soft touch, indirect "sales" approach would probably work so much better. To convince anyone to do anything you need to create a desire or a concern that needs to be addressed. Have you explained the benefits that SHE will get out of having sex with other men? O,r have you only expressed the desire you have of seeing her with other men? What's in it for HER? She risks, by doing this, it having a negative impact on the marriage down the road ... maybe not immediately. She's content where she is, and willing to fantasy play to appease your desire; at least she's trying. If you have children in the home, that's ONE of her concerns so you need to have thought out an answer for that when it comes up.
What is YOUR WIFE'S deepest sexual fantasy? Has she even told you about it? Sometimes its hard getting a wife to give that kind of info up. She'll tell her best girlfriend, but, not her hubby. BUT, until you know what SHE likes and fantasizes about, simply desiring and asking her to fulfill YOUR desire isn't enough. To get my wife to consider anything "not normal", I have to set the stage, the mood, the tone ... in getting her in that special mind-set to agree with me or say "yes". You're also asking her to do TWO things ... have sex with another man in front of you, and to have sex with a black man ... that's two things you're asking for; that's a lot, particularly if she's never been with ANY man but you.
Some of the posters & readers here can give you some good suggestions, I'm sure. I know how MY wife works and she can be a bit complicated, as any woman can be. I don't always get what I want from her. You just need to figure out which buttons to push, and in WHAT ORDER ... View attachment 3515611

I feel happy to say that my wife and I actually do communicate really well, and that we're not in weekly counseling because of any serious problem or conflict between us. I honestly don't even remember what it was that brought us to the counselor's office in the first place, but at this point those sessions are more like a regular check-in than anything else. No matter how busy or distracted we ever get with regular life in any given week, we know that-- at the bare minimum-- we'll always have Thursday night to unpack anything that's happened during the 6 previous days. Without that weekly ritual, we've found that we're sometimes prone to let issues or resentments build and fester, and that's where the marriage warning lights *really* start blinking. At least for us, anyway.

As for my cuckold salesmanship: I promise, over the years, I've tried every possible angle I could think of to try. Veiled. Direct. Playful. Pleading. Positive reinforcement. Baby steps. Go-for-broke leaps. All of it. I even dropped not-unserious money on that Cuckold Consultant guy, and executed his program. Nada. At this point, my wife's antennas are just too finely tuned to my bullshit. There's simply no way for me to approach the subject that she won't (correctly!) identify as yet another attempt to persuade/manipulate her into ultimately getting fucked by a cock which is not my own.

At the end of the day, my wife simply identifies herself as a person who only ever has sex with one (and just one) other person: her husband. She fears that playing around with someone outside her marriage-- no matter the circumstances or the permission structure involved-- would turn her into someone that she isn't, and she is utterly terrified of undergoing that change, and losing her grip on who she is as a person. Do I think that's needlessly over-dramatic? Yes, I do. Do I respect her choice anyway? I kind of have to, because it's her body. She gets to choose what dicks will or won't go inside of it.

Again, at least we get role plays and story-time. And sometimes we'll watch blacked.com together too. That's not nothin'.

 

[Megahuge]

I feel happy to say that my wife and I actually do communicate really well, and that we're not in weekly counseling because of any serious problem or conflict between us. I honestly don't even remember what it was that brought us to the counselor's office in the first place, but at this point those sessions are more like a regular check-in than anything else. No matter how busy or distracted we ever get with regular life in any given week, we know that-- at the bare minimum-- we'll always have Thursday night to unpack anything that's happened during the 6 previous days. Without that weekly ritual, we've found that we're sometimes prone to let issues or resentments build and fester, and that's where the marriage warning lights *really* start blinking. At least for us, anyway.

As for my cuckold salesmanship: I promise, over the years, I've tried every possible angle I could think of to try. Veiled. Direct. Playful. Pleading. Positive reinforcement. Baby steps. Go-for-broke leaps. All of it. I even dropped not-unserious money on that Cuckold Consultant guy, and executed his program. Nada. At this point, my wife's antennas are just too finely tuned to my bullshit. There's simply no way for me to approach the subject that she won't (correctly!) identify as yet another attempt to persuade/manipulate her into ultimately getting fucked by a cock which is not my own.

At the end of the day, my wife simply identifies herself as a person who only ever has sex with one (and just one) other person: her husband. She fears that playing around with someone outside her marriage-- no matter the circumstances or the permission structure involved-- would turn her into someone that she isn't, and she is utterly terrified of undergoing that change, and losing her grip on who she is as a person. Do I think that's needlessly over-dramatic? Yes, I do. Do I respect her choice anyway? I kind of have to, because it's her body. She gets to choose what dicks will or won't go inside of it.

Again, at least we get role plays and story-time. And sometimes we'll watch blacked.com together too. That's not nothin'.

My wife is starting to become the same way all we can do is wait and not be too pushy and hope she wants it again in the future but as always it has to be her choice.

 

[Nhcuckcpl]

So we saw a therapist because we both came from previous divorces and wanted to explore and deal with the baggage from that before we got married. We actually met while swinging which is a whole other story but interwoven with our story that we had to bring it up with our therapist.

He couldn't get over it. We didn't even get the the cuckolding part. He just always went back to it and advocated for us to stop. He felt most of our arguments went back to that. Weekly we would meet and if we had an argument that week we would talk about it and almost every week he would advise is to not be in the lifestyle.

Oh you fought over socks left on the floor in the livingroom. Its probably because you fuck other people. Yeah he didn't leave gas in the tank because you fuck other people. You're not upset with her because she left her hair in the shower its because she fucked another guy. You guys don't trust each other because you fuck other people. The reality is almost never does the lifestly cause an argument between us, it's always mundane vanilla stuff. If anything I don't fuck enough guys for him.

Anyways, we stopped seeing him and got married 2 years later and everything is great. I did start seeing a therapist on my own. It seems a life time of abuse from my mom and ex-husband seem to have caused a much bigger problem the the lifestyle. Also the therapists I have seen alone have supported what we do in the bedroom.

 

[hoburgh]

So we saw a therapist because we both came from previous divorces and wanted to explore and deal with the baggage from that before we got married. We actually met while swinging which is a whole other story but interwoven with our story that we had to bring it up with our therapist.

He couldn't get over it. We didn't even get the the cuckolding part. He just always went back to it and advocated for us to stop. He felt most of our arguments went back to that. Weekly we would meet and if we had an argument that week we would talk about it and almost every week he would advise is to not be in the lifestyle.

Oh you fought over socks left on the floor in the livingroom. Its probably because you fuck other people. Yeah he didn't leave gas in the tank because you fuck other people. You're not upset with her because she left her hair in the shower its because she fucked another guy. You guys don't trust each other because you fuck other people. The reality is almost never does the lifestly cause an argument between us, it's always mundane vanilla stuff. If anything I don't fuck enough guys for him.

Anyways, we stopped seeing him and got married 2 years later and everything is great. I did start seeing a therapist on my own. It seems a life time of abuse from my mom and ex-husband seem to have caused a much bigger problem the the lifestyle. Also the therapists I have seen alone have supported what we do in the bedroom.

This is really fascinating, Nhcuckcpl. Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm honestly just so curious to hear how (or if) B2W couples broach this kink with their therapists, and what the responses are, so your post is right in the wheelhouse. Thanks again.

 

[makeherhappy2]

Like others have said above, it truly has to be about her... Her pleasure, your enjoyment and your desire.

Whisper things in her ear. Come up with a dream and tell her about it some morning, but don’t make it too detailed. If you want to take it further, get yourself off by running with the sheets and tell her you had a wet dream.

Point our other women you are dressed sexy with an anklet.

Assume you e already played with larger dildo’s, etc.

 

[jaja1chocdk1]

As a single man, the way I see it, the couple has to be able to separate sex from love and not have the story book/textbook definition of what marriage/relationships should be about. So, in couples that I have interacted with over a period of time that swing, they love one another deeply so much so, that they are fine with them having sex with another person. In turn, that ability to make their partner really happy enhances their relationship.

 

[curious28]

Such is life. Your wife loves you and her idea of devotion is not sleeping with other men. There is some virtue in that. Appreciate her, who she is and her values, as well as the role playing, though that will get boring in time and you will want more. You can also chat with bulls who are willing to chat about it and that will satisfy you to some degree.

 

[curious28]

re: Anyone bring this up in couples' counseling?

My wife & I have never had to use a couples counselor in our 22 years of marriage. Never even had a "real" knock down, drag out argument that we've heard others have experienced. We started our relationship "swinging" with other couples & singles in college, so we never had to cross that "infidelity" line that so many married couples (wives primarily) tend to do through.
Having read your post, however, the two of you seem to communicate pretty good, its just that your desire is too direct and a lot for her to consider. You haven't sold her on the idea because you haven't presented your case properly ... a soft touch, indirect "sales" approach would probably work so much better. To convince anyone to do anything you need to create a desire or a concern that needs to be addressed. Have you explained the benefits that SHE will get out of having sex with other men? O,r have you only expressed the desire you have of seeing her with other men? What's in it for HER? She risks, by doing this, it having a negative impact on the marriage down the road ... maybe not immediately. She's content where she is, and willing to fantasy play to appease your desire; at least she's trying. If you have children in the home, that's ONE of her concerns so you need to have thought out an answer for that when it comes up.
What is YOUR WIFE'S deepest sexual fantasy? Has she even told you about it? Sometimes its hard getting a wife to give that kind of info up. She'll tell her best girlfriend, but, not her hubby. BUT, until you know what SHE likes and fantasizes about, simply desiring and asking her to fulfill YOUR desire isn't enough. To get my wife to consider anything "not normal", I have to set the stage, the mood, the tone ... in getting her in that special mind-set to agree with me or say "yes". You're also asking her to do TWO things ... have sex with another man in front of you, and to have sex with a black man ... that's two things you're asking for; that's a lot, particularly if she's never been with ANY man but you.
Some of the posters & readers here can give you some good suggestions, I'm sure. I know how MY wife works and she can be a bit complicated, as any woman can be. I don't always get what I want from her. You just need to figure out which buttons to push, and in WHAT ORDER ... View attachment 3515611

Good advice