Hello guys, Michelle's Husband here. I rarely post on this forum, but I felt the need today.
I wanted to talk about my experience with the lifestyle and journey to, not only acceptance of who I am but, believing it to be a normal thing for me and my spouse.
I have always been self-conscious of my penis. Always have. Even when I was younger and not married I imagined watching my girlfriend or wife with other men. I did not think that I could be truly loved and respected. I believe that cuckolding, as it was essentially even before I was married or understood that word, was a part of my sexuality while I hit puberty. Didn't help seeing a lot of endowed men railing women in porn while I massaged my average penis. But cuckolding became a great alternative rather than to not being able to release sexually at all.
Alas, I met my beautiful wife. We started off as friends, but I crushed on her bad for years. She was my type of girl and just so great. However, she liked black guys. Her mom was a very sexual person and had always told her of the beauty of a black person's penis. I knew this and it angered me to no end, because I wanted her and I wasn't black.
I decided that I was going to make every reasonable effort to make this girl fall in love with ME, for me, and not my penis. I delayed sex so much until she finally talked me into it and it was the greatest thing I had ever felt. I don't get off on speaking of my wife as if she is an object, but the one time I make an exeption is to speak on my wife's vagina: it is magical. It's just mouth watering to me.
We were both virgins when we started having sex. I was pretty ashamed of my penis and suffered of a lot of premature ejaculation and such. I used to say that it was that "bomb ass pussy" but it was me: it was my insecurities and the anxieties attached. It sucked. I knew she was not orgasming with me.
I began to not be able to enjoy sex with my wife. It was bad. Looking back I regret ever making her feel like my depression during those times did to her. She stuck by my side. I made amends with her, but not before asking her if she would consider having sex with other men. I was 23 at this time. She was 21. I realized that we all have needs and at the time believed my penis could not satisfy her. So I asked her.
She acted reluctant about it for a while and then said she would. She'd go along with all the cuckold nonsense we typically cram our poor wives with. I realized after years that I had crammed my wife with all my insecurities, worries and self esteem issues and not really an enjoy-full life that can come from being polyamorous.
Ultimately, she worked with me and met my needs and insecurities by meeting with other black men. It was rushed and annoying to her, but I just wanted her to try it. She loved it. She did this for so many times. It complicated it for her more when I asked her to record because again how demanding I was that the lighting was right or the video was not the greatest quality. It was stupid stuff and very immature of me.
My wife finally left me. I felt as terrible as that sounds. Worst part was knowing I was not left because of my penis size, but because of my fragile ego being so battered that it manifested with such lack of confidence and anger and confusion from there. I hit rock bottom.
While I rebuilt myself, I got a new girlfriend. This girl I met at work and without saying much about my job, I have a pretty manly job and I am known as a normal guy. Perhaps because I was putting my best face forward regardless if I was really self-conscious. Anyways, I had sex with my girlfriend at the time with no issue. To be clear, I had already become a little better at lasting longer with my wife. I broke up with her; yes I broke up with her because I did not fall in love with her. I still loved my wife.
During this time my wife was on a spiritual path of self love and acceptance of her own. However, true to form, I maintained close communication with my wife, went to a therapist and started expressing a sincere apology for my mistreatment. I opened up to her and she accepted me again. This reconnection was very fragile at first as we almost had to relearn one another, but I am so glad I did.
I discovered that my wife was a very sexual being, way more than I thought. I realized that despite my encouragement of free-range sexual exploration, I was not letting her be her authentic self before. Once I learned how to get my ego well balanced and actually be a present husband, my wife opened up:
She had always loved big black men. She always had. She felt awful and guilty for it. She didn't want to leave me for it, but sexually she wanted to have more freedom for she married young and she was very into larger penises. She never admitted it because she thought I was testing her or even if I was being genuine, she believed that in the long run admitting to it would harm me.
However, we became very honest with ourselves. She gave me the assurance the relationship needed, respected my boundaries and I hers, and love is always spoken at home with my wife and my children. It is a sanctuary for me to be with her and I embrace her wants and desires and just melt at seeing her experience joy. That has led me to feel proud of being ME. I tell my friends, my very loud and proud alpha type guy coworkers and because I do not make my sexuality and desires my whole persona, I operate in the same respected manner as any one of them. Often they are curious about me and my wife and ask me questions or challenge my viewpoint or laugh because they don't understand or simply say "If it works for you, good for you guys" or some trying to get at her lol. Either way, I know well who I am and my wife does too.
Now we experience this lifestyle together and although I have always been on a progressive and healing path all along, today after so many polite talks and bonding, me and my wife enjoy this lifestyle on almost a whole other level and it is so rewarding, so fulfilling and I can honestly say I have it pretty fucking amazing.
Currently waiting for my wife to come home from her date with a very good looking black male that is muscular and has a beautiful penis with her 4K equipment and lighting (still currently upgrading for future and more crisp content) and I am watching my shows, on my days off and just happy that I can be as free as I like to be in the lifestyle.
I wrote this to more or less introduce myself and give hope to anyone who is self-conscious about who they are and what they feel and they go about their trauma in a self damaging way. It can get better, but you have to explore yourself, understand yourself and fully know yourself to fully enjoy who you are and what you offer in your sexual world.
The Zodiac
Jk
Albert
I wanted to talk about my experience with the lifestyle and journey to, not only acceptance of who I am but, believing it to be a normal thing for me and my spouse.
I have always been self-conscious of my penis. Always have. Even when I was younger and not married I imagined watching my girlfriend or wife with other men. I did not think that I could be truly loved and respected. I believe that cuckolding, as it was essentially even before I was married or understood that word, was a part of my sexuality while I hit puberty. Didn't help seeing a lot of endowed men railing women in porn while I massaged my average penis. But cuckolding became a great alternative rather than to not being able to release sexually at all.
Alas, I met my beautiful wife. We started off as friends, but I crushed on her bad for years. She was my type of girl and just so great. However, she liked black guys. Her mom was a very sexual person and had always told her of the beauty of a black person's penis. I knew this and it angered me to no end, because I wanted her and I wasn't black.
I decided that I was going to make every reasonable effort to make this girl fall in love with ME, for me, and not my penis. I delayed sex so much until she finally talked me into it and it was the greatest thing I had ever felt. I don't get off on speaking of my wife as if she is an object, but the one time I make an exeption is to speak on my wife's vagina: it is magical. It's just mouth watering to me.
We were both virgins when we started having sex. I was pretty ashamed of my penis and suffered of a lot of premature ejaculation and such. I used to say that it was that "bomb ass pussy" but it was me: it was my insecurities and the anxieties attached. It sucked. I knew she was not orgasming with me.
I began to not be able to enjoy sex with my wife. It was bad. Looking back I regret ever making her feel like my depression during those times did to her. She stuck by my side. I made amends with her, but not before asking her if she would consider having sex with other men. I was 23 at this time. She was 21. I realized that we all have needs and at the time believed my penis could not satisfy her. So I asked her.
She acted reluctant about it for a while and then said she would. She'd go along with all the cuckold nonsense we typically cram our poor wives with. I realized after years that I had crammed my wife with all my insecurities, worries and self esteem issues and not really an enjoy-full life that can come from being polyamorous.
Ultimately, she worked with me and met my needs and insecurities by meeting with other black men. It was rushed and annoying to her, but I just wanted her to try it. She loved it. She did this for so many times. It complicated it for her more when I asked her to record because again how demanding I was that the lighting was right or the video was not the greatest quality. It was stupid stuff and very immature of me.
My wife finally left me. I felt as terrible as that sounds. Worst part was knowing I was not left because of my penis size, but because of my fragile ego being so battered that it manifested with such lack of confidence and anger and confusion from there. I hit rock bottom.
While I rebuilt myself, I got a new girlfriend. This girl I met at work and without saying much about my job, I have a pretty manly job and I am known as a normal guy. Perhaps because I was putting my best face forward regardless if I was really self-conscious. Anyways, I had sex with my girlfriend at the time with no issue. To be clear, I had already become a little better at lasting longer with my wife. I broke up with her; yes I broke up with her because I did not fall in love with her. I still loved my wife.
During this time my wife was on a spiritual path of self love and acceptance of her own. However, true to form, I maintained close communication with my wife, went to a therapist and started expressing a sincere apology for my mistreatment. I opened up to her and she accepted me again. This reconnection was very fragile at first as we almost had to relearn one another, but I am so glad I did.
I discovered that my wife was a very sexual being, way more than I thought. I realized that despite my encouragement of free-range sexual exploration, I was not letting her be her authentic self before. Once I learned how to get my ego well balanced and actually be a present husband, my wife opened up:
She had always loved big black men. She always had. She felt awful and guilty for it. She didn't want to leave me for it, but sexually she wanted to have more freedom for she married young and she was very into larger penises. She never admitted it because she thought I was testing her or even if I was being genuine, she believed that in the long run admitting to it would harm me.
However, we became very honest with ourselves. She gave me the assurance the relationship needed, respected my boundaries and I hers, and love is always spoken at home with my wife and my children. It is a sanctuary for me to be with her and I embrace her wants and desires and just melt at seeing her experience joy. That has led me to feel proud of being ME. I tell my friends, my very loud and proud alpha type guy coworkers and because I do not make my sexuality and desires my whole persona, I operate in the same respected manner as any one of them. Often they are curious about me and my wife and ask me questions or challenge my viewpoint or laugh because they don't understand or simply say "If it works for you, good for you guys" or some trying to get at her lol. Either way, I know well who I am and my wife does too.
Now we experience this lifestyle together and although I have always been on a progressive and healing path all along, today after so many polite talks and bonding, me and my wife enjoy this lifestyle on almost a whole other level and it is so rewarding, so fulfilling and I can honestly say I have it pretty fucking amazing.
Currently waiting for my wife to come home from her date with a very good looking black male that is muscular and has a beautiful penis with her 4K equipment and lighting (still currently upgrading for future and more crisp content) and I am watching my shows, on my days off and just happy that I can be as free as I like to be in the lifestyle.
I wrote this to more or less introduce myself and give hope to anyone who is self-conscious about who they are and what they feel and they go about their trauma in a self damaging way. It can get better, but you have to explore yourself, understand yourself and fully know yourself to fully enjoy who you are and what you offer in your sexual world.
The Zodiac
Jk
Albert
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