Using titles, terms, and vocabulary correctly

[Regina Falange]

Deleted

 

[poundcake26]

So I’m fairly new to this site. And new to the BBC lifestyle.:.but I’ve noticed a lot of terminology being used incorrectly and I think it’s something that deserves to at least be discussed. Language is a funny thing and words can mean different things to different people and can mean different things based on how you use the word. You may not agree with my definitions and that’s fine, but I have to say I strongly disagree with how many people use the below terminology on this and other sites.

Dom/Domme/Master/etc - First of all I think most people in the BDSM community can agree this word has taken a big hit since 50 shades. If you’re new to the lifestyle or don’t research very well you may not have a clear understand of what it means or what a good Dom is. A Dominant is a person who is Dominant in the bedroom. This person is typically in a relationship with 1 person at a time (obviously there are exceptions for poly couples or Doms and subs that are into harem type relationships) and they tend to develop and desire at minimum a close bond with their submissive and in many cases they love their submissive deeply, and vise versa. The Dom is responsible for knowing their subs limits, keeps my the sub safe, disciplining from a place of love, helping the sub to grow, and many many more things. It is obviously true a Bull can be a Dom but just because you are a Bull does not mean you are a true Dom or that you have an interest in being a Dom.

submissive - a submissive is a person who is sexual submissive. This sounds obvious but it’s important. I am a sub...sexual...that does not mean I am a sub anywhere else. It doesn’t mean I am a door mat with no voice, opinions or rights. It means I enjoy giving control and power over to a Dom that I trust to keep me safe and that understands that my submission is a gift just as special as my Dom’s dominance over me. It does not mean I have to be submissive to every man or woman who is a Dom that speaks to me. If I’m serving you yes I will be submissive but again that doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want without regards to my wants and needs. Subs tend to desire a strong bond and love with their Dom (again there are obviously exceptions to this) but as a rule most subs I know and talk to crave not only the approval of their Dom but love and affection. If a person claiming to be a Dom wants only to exert their power and control over a sub with no emotional attachment or regard of safety this person is not a true Dom.

Bull - this one gets tricky because many characteristics of a Bull overlap with those of a Dom. But it’s important to remember not all Bulls are Doms any more than all Doms are Bulls. Bulls do tend to be Dominant sexually but the purpose of a Bull is often far different from the purpose of a Dom. A Bull is a man typically with an large cock (on this site obviously they are black but this is not a requirement for all Bulls) who enjoys fucking someone who is married with the consent of said persons spouse. The terms of this arrangement should obviously be laid out and be extremely clear prior to any fucking. I won’t get into the cuckold aspect of things bc that’s a whole nother can of worms. The purpose of the Bull tends to be different in that he isn’t always expected to have a deep emotional attachment or relationship with his partner. In many cases the Bull is purely for the purpose of fucking and bringing pleasure to their sexual partner and their partners spouse (obviously this tends to happen in many different forms). Bulls also tend to have more of an ability to have more partners than a man who is a Dom only. All of this is very generic and not true of or for every Bull or every Dom and I know many Bulls who care very deeply for their partners which is a beautiful thing. Every relationship is different and has its own rules and boundaries so some of this will all cross over for some people.

Breeding - okay this is one that I think gets thrown around a lot and it probably shouldn’t. Breeding is exactly what it sounds like...a Bull fucking a woman for the purpose of creating a baby. On this site many people want to breed solely for the purpose of creating a mixed race baby. For some people breeding is seen as something a Bull should do as often as possible with as many women as possible. The problem with this is, it’s EXTREMELY irresponsible to do that. At the end of the day no matter what you call it you are trying to make a baby...a tiny little defenseless baby. Now if you’re in a loving relationship fantastic make all the pretty babies you want. But to go around and fuck tons of women whom you have no close relationship with or know not too much about is a douche move. When you’re gone you have no idea what your baby’s life will be like. Is the mom going to be abusive bc she’s mad her Bull isn’t interested in the baby and the baby reminds her of the Bull? What’s the mom mental, emotional, and medical background? What will that baby do when they realize their ******* never wanted anything to do with them in the first place? Does the mom or Bull have any STDs they’re spreading around to each other and maybe their baby? Having a fantasy of breeding women all over hell and creation is fine...but practicing that in reality is not okay if you’re not willing to truly think about what you’re doing. On the flip side there are many Bulls (mine included) who believe that breeding is the highest form of love...a gift to be cherished by the woman...a sign of respect...something that not every woman deserves the honor of having. Were i able to breed with my Bull as he would love to do I would be beyond honored to have his baby. He knows I’d be a good mom and that I’d take care of said baby and he knows I’m not a psycho who’d beat my kid if our relationship ever ended. He has several friends who have bred their bitches but they don’t go running around the world condomless hoping to impregnate any bitch they can fuck. In my humble opinion the sperm of a Bull truly is a gift and should be treated as such. If you give it to any woman who pops in you DMs what makes it special?

Titles for subs - it is important to remember just because a person is a sub does NOT mean they appreciate every man woman and baby calling them derogatory names. I see many men on here referring to women as Bitch, Slut, Cum Dump, etc just for shits and giggles...for some woman/subs in they are absolutely okay with this on this forum or even outside of it...other like me are not okay with this. I think sometimes it gets confusing that what one person likes, doesn’t mean every other sub you run across will like. I love when my Dom calls me HIS Bitch, HIS Slut, HIS cum dump...it makes me feel loved and owned and protected. I’m even okay with his friends whom he trusts using those titles (provided it is done respectfully). But if a person I did not know were to try that I can guarantee not only will me and that person have a problem but my Dom and that person will have a problem.

I guess what I’m saying is keep in mind fantasy is exactly that...it’s not real. What works in fantasy doesn’t work in real life. So while your fantasy may be to call a woman/submissive people derogatory names whenever you want, it’s not actually appropriate to do that in real life. And using the excuse of “I’m just a Bull/Dom that’s how I am get over it” doesn’t work...it also shows you are neither of those things. A Bull or a Dom both have a tremendous amount of responsibility on their shoulders. Their subs/play partners hopefully help ease the burden and make sure their needs are met. All of this is of course just my 2 cents and some if not many will disagree. I just know when I was stepping into this world sometimes things are confusing, especially since so many people are just trying to be what the porn industry told them they should be, so maybe this will help somebody ?

Thanks for the attempt at clarification but you’ll find most folks here are either fantasizing, are more fetish than D/s, or are just looking for a hookup. They’re not overtly interested in prim and proper BDSM.

 

[TwoBiFour]

Just have fun.

 

[mmbbc]

I'm sorry but you lost me at "I'm fairly new to this site "...but thanks for the clarification.

 

[BDG69]

So I’m fairly new to this site. And new to the BBC lifestyle.:.but I’ve noticed a lot of terminology being used incorrectly and I think it’s something that deserves to at least be discussed. Language is a funny thing and words can mean different things to different people and can mean different things based on how you use the word. You may not agree with my definitions and that’s fine, but I have to say I strongly disagree with how many people use the below terminology on this and other sites.

Dom/Domme/Master/etc - First of all I think most people in the BDSM community can agree this word has taken a big hit since 50 shades. If you’re new to the lifestyle or don’t research very well you may not have a clear understand of what it means or what a good Dom is. A Dominant is a person who is Dominant in the bedroom. This person is typically in a relationship with 1 person at a time (obviously there are exceptions for poly couples or Doms and subs that are into harem type relationships) and they tend to develop and desire at minimum a close bond with their submissive and in many cases they love their submissive deeply, and vise versa. The Dom is responsible for knowing their subs limits, keeps my the sub safe, disciplining from a place of love, helping the sub to grow, and many many more things. It is obviously true a Bull can be a Dom but just because you are a Bull does not mean you are a true Dom or that you have an interest in being a Dom.

submissive - a submissive is a person who is sexual submissive. This sounds obvious but it’s important. I am a sub...sexual...that does not mean I am a sub anywhere else. It doesn’t mean I am a door mat with no voice, opinions or rights. It means I enjoy giving control and power over to a Dom that I trust to keep me safe and that understands that my submission is a gift just as special as my Dom’s dominance over me. It does not mean I have to be submissive to every man or woman who is a Dom that speaks to me. If I’m serving you yes I will be submissive but again that doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want without regards to my wants and needs. Subs tend to desire a strong bond and love with their Dom (again there are obviously exceptions to this) but as a rule most subs I know and talk to crave not only the approval of their Dom but love and affection. If a person claiming to be a Dom wants only to exert their power and control over a sub with no emotional attachment or regard of safety this person is not a true Dom.

Bull - this one gets tricky because many characteristics of a Bull overlap with those of a Dom. But it’s important to remember not all Bulls are Doms any more than all Doms are Bulls. Bulls do tend to be Dominant sexually but the purpose of a Bull is often far different from the purpose of a Dom. A Bull is a man typically with an large cock (on this site obviously they are black but this is not a requirement for all Bulls) who enjoys fucking someone who is married with the consent of said persons spouse. The terms of this arrangement should obviously be laid out and be extremely clear prior to any fucking. I won’t get into the cuckold aspect of things bc that’s a whole nother can of worms. The purpose of the Bull tends to be different in that he isn’t always expected to have a deep emotional attachment or relationship with his partner. In many cases the Bull is purely for the purpose of fucking and bringing pleasure to their sexual partner and their partners spouse (obviously this tends to happen in many different forms). Bulls also tend to have more of an ability to have more partners than a man who is a Dom only. All of this is very generic and not true of or for every Bull or every Dom and I know many Bulls who care very deeply for their partners which is a beautiful thing. Every relationship is different and has its own rules and boundaries so some of this will all cross over for some people.

Breeding - okay this is one that I think gets thrown around a lot and it probably shouldn’t. Breeding is exactly what it sounds like...a Bull fucking a woman for the purpose of creating a baby. On this site many people want to breed solely for the purpose of creating a mixed race baby. For some people breeding is seen as something a Bull should do as often as possible with as many women as possible. The problem with this is, it’s EXTREMELY irresponsible to do that. At the end of the day no matter what you call it you are trying to make a baby...a tiny little defenseless baby. Now if you’re in a loving relationship fantastic make all the pretty babies you want. But to go around and fuck tons of women whom you have no close relationship with or know not too much about is a douche move. When you’re gone you have no idea what your baby’s life will be like. Is the mom going to be abusive bc she’s mad her Bull isn’t interested in the baby and the baby reminds her of the Bull? What’s the mom mental, emotional, and medical background? What will that baby do when they realize their ******* never wanted anything to do with them in the first place? Does the mom or Bull have any STDs they’re spreading around to each other and maybe their baby? Having a fantasy of breeding women all over hell and creation is fine...but practicing that in reality is not okay if you’re not willing to truly think about what you’re doing. On the flip side there are many Bulls (mine included) who believe that breeding is the highest form of love...a gift to be cherished by the woman...a sign of respect...something that not every woman deserves the honor of having. Were i able to breed with my Bull as he would love to do I would be beyond honored to have his baby. He knows I’d be a good mom and that I’d take care of said baby and he knows I’m not a psycho who’d beat my kid if our relationship ever ended. He has several friends who have bred their bitches but they don’t go running around the world condomless hoping to impregnate any bitch they can fuck. In my humble opinion the sperm of a Bull truly is a gift and should be treated as such. If you give it to any woman who pops in you DMs what makes it special?

Titles for subs - it is important to remember just because a person is a sub does NOT mean they appreciate every man woman and baby calling them derogatory names. I see many men on here referring to women as Bitch, Slut, Cum Dump, etc just for shits and giggles...for some woman/subs in they are absolutely okay with this on this forum or even outside of it...other like me are not okay with this. I think sometimes it gets confusing that what one person likes, doesn’t mean every other sub you run across will like. I love when my Dom calls me HIS Bitch, HIS Slut, HIS cum dump...it makes me feel loved and owned and protected. I’m even okay with his friends whom he trusts using those titles (provided it is done respectfully). But if a person I did not know were to try that I can guarantee not only will me and that person have a problem but my Dom and that person will have a problem.

I guess what I’m saying is keep in mind fantasy is exactly that...it’s not real. What works in fantasy doesn’t work in real life. So while your fantasy may be to call a woman/submissive people derogatory names whenever you want, it’s not actually appropriate to do that in real life. And using the excuse of “I’m just a Bull/Dom that’s how I am get over it” doesn’t work...it also shows you are neither of those things. A Bull or a Dom both have a tremendous amount of responsibility on their shoulders. Their subs/play partners hopefully help ease the burden and make sure their needs are met. All of this is of course just my 2 cents and some if not many will disagree. I just know when I was stepping into this world sometimes things are confusing, especially since so many people are just trying to be what the porn industry told them they should be, so maybe this will help somebody ?

Well in My opinion, it’s a great attempt at breaking things down. Very well thought out and delivered. I liked your novel Regina

 

[Rodney10inch]

I thought I was reading a new Harry Potter Novel

 

[MagicMikeATX]

I'm just wondering how you can be 'new to this and new to the lifestyle' but telling us that terms are used incorrectly?

Well I've been in this lifestyle for a good 8 years. Of all the wives and GFs I've banged, no one ever stopped fucking long enough to do a correction. ?? ?

I started a Bull Lifestyle podcast maybe you should take a listen. Link is on my profile page ?

 

[MissScarletQOS]

Hmmm...this was an interesting read to say the least. I see what you’re trying to do here With clarifying terminology. I’ve always felt that roles and titles are important in the lifestyle. My experience on this site is that it is mainly a discussion board for interracial cuckolding...and your post seem to be a very basic description of roles is the BDSM lifestyle (+breeding, which is not exclusive to cuckolding). ?

I’m not saying that some of these terms aren't applicable to cuckold relationships, and I’m not hating on your attempt here, but maybe you could be a little more specific about how you see these terms misused?

 

[Nymedic81]

I'm just wondering how you can be 'new to this and new to the lifestyle' but telling us that terms are used incorrectly?

Well I've been in this lifestyle for a good 8 years. Of all the wives and GFs I've banged, no one ever stopped fucking long enough to do a correction. ?? ?

I started a Bull Lifestyle podcast maybe you should take a listen. Link is on my profile page ?

She may be new to the lifestyle but she’s done her homework like any good Dom/sub would do. Fifty shades of grey was the biggest disgrace to the BDSM lifestyle. I tossed that book after reading the first chapter and looked at my ex and said why are you reading that crap. She makes very good points and like someone else said this site is mostly filled with fakes and fantasy. Yes I enjoy som of the fantasy side of it but seeing true posts like this is nice to see.

Now what she doesn’t touch base in is the cuckold/Hotwife lifestyle or the lifestyle of an switch! When an Bull is with an submissive cuckold couple then I think the dynamic changes. Then the Hotwife lifestyle is when the husband isn’t submissive but enjoys seeing his wife or gf with other men. There are some Dom/sub sharing lifestyles which I don’t think fits into either cuckolding or Hotwife lifestyles. All lifestyles can be viewed in many different ways and approach in different aspects which is determined by all parties involved!

She sounds like an well knowledge submissive who will not allow an fake Dom to abusive her. Someone who knows what her needs are and goes over those needs with an Dom. There are tons of lists that an Dom/sub can use to see what both are interested in. The toughest part of the lifestyle or any of the above lifestyles is finding the right person or people. The internet has made it easier but also more complicated with fake people and an fantasy playground!

Just my thought in it all.

 

[MagicMikeATX]

She may be new to the lifestyle but she’s done her homework like any good Dom/sub would do. Fifty shades of grey was the biggest disgrace to the BDSM lifestyle. I tossed that book after reading the first chapter and looked at my ex and said why are you reading that crap. She makes very good points and like someone else said this site is mostly filled with fakes and fantasy. Yes I enjoy som of the fantasy side of it but seeing true posts like this is nice to see.

Now what she doesn’t touch base in is the cuckold/Hotwife lifestyle or the lifestyle of an switch! When an Bull is with an submissive cuckold couple then I think the dynamic changes. Then the Hotwife lifestyle is when the husband isn’t submissive but enjoys seeing his wife or gf with other men. There are some Dom/sub sharing lifestyles which I don’t think fits into either cuckolding or Hotwife lifestyles. All lifestyles can be viewed in many different ways and approach in different aspects which is determined by all parties involved!

She sounds like an well knowledge submissive who will not allow an fake Dom to abusive her. Someone who knows what her needs are and goes over those needs with an Dom. There are tons of lists that an Dom/sub can use to see what both are interested in. The toughest part of the lifestyle or any of the above lifestyles is finding the right person or people. The internet has made it easier but also more complicated with fake people and an fantasy playground!

Just my thought in it all.

There's a HUGE difference between reading and studying about a subject... And LIVING the life. Experience and context cannot be replaced

 

[MagicMikeATX]

She may be new to the lifestyle but she’s done her homework like any good Dom/sub would do. Fifty shades of grey was the biggest disgrace to the BDSM lifestyle. I tossed that book after reading the first chapter and looked at my ex and said why are you reading that crap. She makes very good points and like someone else said this site is mostly filled with fakes and fantasy. Yes I enjoy som of the fantasy side of it but seeing true posts like this is nice to see.

Now what she doesn’t touch base in is the cuckold/Hotwife lifestyle or the lifestyle of an switch! When an Bull is with an submissive cuckold couple then I think the dynamic changes. Then the Hotwife lifestyle is when the husband isn’t submissive but enjoys seeing his wife or gf with other men. There are some Dom/sub sharing lifestyles which I don’t think fits into either cuckolding or Hotwife lifestyles. All lifestyles can be viewed in many different ways and approach in different aspects which is determined by all parties involved!

She sounds like an well knowledge submissive who will not allow an fake Dom to abusive her. Someone who knows what her needs are and goes over those needs with an Dom. There are tons of lists that an Dom/sub can use to see what both are interested in. The toughest part of the lifestyle or any of the above lifestyles is finding the right person or people. The internet has made it easier but also more complicated with fake people and an fantasy playground!

Just my thought in it all.

There was another female member on here, of the 'academia' sort... I'm not even gonna mention her name, I don't want to give her any shine...
She also would speak about the intricacies of the interracial lifestyle without having any experience whatsoever.

There are too many variables dealing with human nature to say what's 'correct' about anything. Try Telling that ******* to the gay community, they add new letters on a monthly basis ?

 

[Nymedic81]

My thoughts and opinions are not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s fine. I just know that it can be overwhelming when you’re new and trying to figure things out to come to a site like this and see all the same terms being used in 38484829273 different ways. If you know what they mean and use them differently great...like I said words can have multiple meanings and uses. But when you’re new sometimes it’s nice to have something to read that isn’t filled with fantasy that breaks it down even a little bit. I’m not the expert...I don’t claim to be perfect...I get stuff wrong...I’m okay with that. I like to write, I like to read, I like to discuss things and this topic interested me??‍ And also I really like Harry Potter so I’ll take that comment as a compliment ?

That’s what the internet is all about my friend! Is Dom an black guy?

 

[Nymedic81]

My first Dom was black. My current Dom is not, he’s Indian. The Doms he will be sharing me with are all black though as his rule is only BBC for me (2nd B either being Brown or Black)....either way I’m a happy girl ?

Glad you found what you needed! It’s important for an sub to have her needs met.

 

[Immortal69]

Every time I read words as Dom and sub I think about 1 thing... Interdependence. Everyone is Dom and sub at the same time. They are just roles people play.