TL;DR - When we raise our standards - and more importantly, demand that people meet those raised standards - things will improve.
Well, it's up to the rest of us to make/keep the site going in the direction we want it to (or think it should) go.
I've been here for a little over three years - although mostly absent for the last two and a half - and there's a definite difference. I hang out in chats more, so I can speak more to that than I can the forums. "Hey, look at my wife's pics" and "what would you do to my GF" guys are in chat a lot more than they used to be. I've gotten to the point that I block anyone who posts that sort of message in chat (in addition to my longstanding policy of blocking guys who post pole pics). Over the last couple of days, I've noticed that I'm missing parts of chat convos because I have so many people blocked. I have two thoughts on that.
1) Oh well: I'll survive.
2) What I see are responses to these people, and that's a huge part of the problem. People are responding and giving them the attention they seek. I won't say to ignore them or make them feel unwelcome in any way: that's just not the way to do things, and I'm sure the latter is against site rules. What I will say, and I would scream this from proverbial rooftops, is that people who want to talk to and/or meet women should do two related things: A) raise their standards, and B) put themselves in the best position to succeed.
If I knew three years ago what I know now, I would have done things differently and acted more in the direction of the two things I mentioned above. One: I would have severely limited the number of unverified people I talked to, no matter who initiated the conversation. I'd have looked for certain activity patterns and profile information. If I didn't see enough...nope. The other thing: if a person (I'll assume there are no bots) has been on here for a month and hasn't verified, I wouldn't have been interested. "That's harsh"...no, it's not. I got verified within two hours of joining the site. If you don't have enough of a stake in this to take 5 minutes and do a video, then you don't have enough of a stake in this to meet anyone. Why should I take you seriously if you're unwilling - or unable - to put in the effort that I did?
"We're unverified but we're real: we're just (insert excuse word here: 'cautious', etc.) - you're painting a broad brush"...I know there are real unverified people. I'm sure there are reasons to be unverified. I'm also sure that someone has met out of the chat room. I'm also sure that someone has met via talking to a husband and then jumping through hoops to talk to and then meet a wife. All that stuff that people talk about in chat probably has led to one meet at some point throughout history. I, however, like to deal with probability and percentages. I don't have numbers in front of me, but I'd be willing to bet that all of those situations produce lower chances of meeting than their opposites.
(Also, I don't give a ---- what anyone says: talking to a man in hopes of getting with a woman is the definition of hustling backwards.)
If someone was verified, that would have helped...but end all to be all? Not exactly. Either you're interested or you're not. I'm not going to change in any appreciable way, so this is what you get - and it doesn't take long to figure it out. I had two meets on here: one took six messages, the other took eight. There's no 'meaningless conversation for months on end' - actually, that brings up something else. We all know the difference between meaningful conversation and meaningless conversation. I would have avoided meaningless conversation at all costs. If it's not about us as people or making plans, then I'd have cut it off. No "what would you do" stuff.
If I put forth a certain amount of effort and realism, then I have not only the right - but the responsibility to the rest of you - to expect that from others. I shouldn't act thirsty and get googly eyes just because someone posts a pic in chat that they could've found on Google. Once again, raising standards. I would've completely ignored literally 90 percent of the people I've talked to. I would have waited, observed the lay of the land, built up a reputation, and then acted from the position that being 'known' would've afforded me.
By the way, these are mistakes I actually made at first: I have 10 pages of conversations. The earliest four are from when I tried to message everyone in sight. Sent by me, two participants, no replies. Once I had my first meet, all that changed. Those early four pages of convos are from a month and a half. The next four took three months, and then I became unavailable and finally learned how to limit the messages I receive. I was thirsty, and I got nothing. I sought people who were willing to meet me halfway, and my success rate improved. It's not "playing hard to get" - it's elevating the site through our behaviors and actions. It's a "rising tide lifts all boats" kind of thing.
I talked to trolls. I had a two-month "dalliance" with someone based off pics and no verification. One day I got smart enough to do a reverse image search. Never talked to that person again. I learned, and I got better. Progression. Not being thirsty. Figuring out who deserves my time. When I treated my time and effort as valuable, I didn't realize that I was creating a better situation for myself by making others do the same.
I see men (bulls, whatever) giving time, effort, and attention to people who haven't shown that they deserve it. That's the problem. I'm past the point of blaming the people who are "ruining the site" - it's time to shine a light on those who are letting them.
Just like any other trolls, the people we complain about will go away when we stop feeding them. As for the men who pretend to be women and the male halves of couples who are in here without the woman's knowledge and/or consent, they should be reported to the admins as they're in violation of Rule 14.
Honestly, I'd have been gone if not for a few chatters I met when I started. I'm extremely happy that I'm not trying to meet anyone and really don't have to deal with this. I was actually talking to
@Sharp86 about this last night, and I said that I probably care about this more than I should - especially given my romantic status. I just want better for the site. I want better for y'all. I'm a Cancer with a social work degree from South Florida: being verbose with regard to advocacy is kind-of my thing. Anyway, I think that's my time: I'm going to watch the rest of this game.
My Homie 
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