Please give me advice..
- Thread starter Alissa
- Start date
Good, sound advice Tical and Mr. 804, it's nice to see some intelligent conversation here as opposed to the usual nonsense.
As much as this is a cautionary tale for women and cucks, it's also a cautionary tale for black men who brag about breeding and how they aren't responsible for the consequences.
No thinks about the after math.... And I commend John for being a real man.... We have such negative stereotype as black men!
I feel bad for you, Alissa, but I can't disagree with anything these gentlemen have said thus far. It sounds like John is a true MAN, and ready to man up to his responsibilities. Good for him!
My mom alway says that things happen for a reason. We may never know the reason, but there is one. Make the best decisions you can, you and John, and go with the flow. Things will work out as they are supposed to. Feel free to message me at soytumariposablanca@gmail.com if you need a female to talk to.
I wish you all the best!
My mom alway says that things happen for a reason. We may never know the reason, but there is one. Make the best decisions you can, you and John, and go with the flow. Things will work out as they are supposed to. Feel free to message me at soytumariposablanca@gmail.com if you need a female to talk to.
I wish you all the best!
There are a lot of things that are better as fantasy than in real life. A least John is being a man about things> I have never really understood cucks. The women that share my bed do so by their own choice. Anytime you bring another person into a relationship things will never be the same. It's truly sad and I am sorry things went the way they did. The logical choice is to do what you feel is best for you and your baby. And that is a decision that only you can make
F
falcondfw69
Guest
Alissa,
Several things.
1. Not sure about the laws in NC, but in TX, you cannot get a divorce if the woman is pregnant. It is the law. So, it appears you will have some time to think about things with John.
2. I know it hurts now, but honestly, from what you tell us, you are better off without hubby. He is a boy in man's clothing, emotionally and mentally. He asked for something thinking he wanted it. When he found out it wasn't exactly what he expected, he "tried to take his ball and go home" like a baby (he stopped sleeping with his wife of 1 year. NO man stops sleeping with their wife after 1 year, unless they lived together for the previous 25.).
3. DO NOT jump into a marriage "because of the baby"! That is one of the absolute worst mistakes you can make. Yes, it is VERY important that a baby have both the mom and *******. But the baby is the one who truly ends up losing when you get married just because of the baby or you have a baby to try and save a marriage. The break up is far more painful AFTER the baby is born (legally, financially, mentally, and emotionally) if the marriage does not have a rock solid foundation in mutual love, respect, honesty, trust, and communication. And I guarantee, without those things, a divorce is where the marriage would quickly head.
3. Based on number 1 (and I would check with a lawyer in your state about it to know for sure or look up the divorce laws in your state online), I would enjoy your time with John and get to truly know him better. Take your time (you have it). Yes, the sex is great, but go through a financial crisis together or something like that and you will know how he truly reacts and whether you want to live with this man for the rest of your life.
4. Not trying to be moral here or anything, but John slept with you knowing that you were already married. Yes, you had hubby's permission and encouragement. But he already slept with a married woman, what is to stop him from doing it again, given the opportunity, after you marry him?
5. "The Pill" is not 100% foolproof. Any doctor will tell you that. The only 100% way is abstinence. My ******* became pregnant twice while taking the pill.
I think, for some more unsolicited advice (lol), you need to take some time for yourself and untangle your emotions and your thinking. I think maybe a counselor or a good friend would help you talk things out and straighten things out in your own mind. I think you are doing the right thing by thinking about the baby first. But i think you need to figure out where you want your life to go first and where you see your life with the baby heading.
No matter what happens, I wish you, the baby, and John the best of luck. I will be around if you want to ask me questions and you think I can help. I am sure many others will be too.
Alissa, if you want someone to talk to, please feel free to send me a message and ill give you my email address.
The guys on here have gave you outstanding advice! Kudos to you guys
. But if you would like to talk to someone that's been there and done that (not exactly like your situation) I'm here to talk to .
I was on the pill too when I became pregnant the very 1st time I slept with a black man, I was 18 and we lived in different countries. As has been said before, some things happen for a reason. Almost a decade and several more children later, we are still together and loving life. I wouldn't go rushing into another marriage though, in most places, providing you can prove you are a defacto couple, he would have the same parental rights regardless of being married. We didn't get married for many years, "why change something if it isn't broke?", and it did not impact our family situation at all.
I know you want what is best for the baby, but at the end of the day YOUR wellbeing, mental and physical, comes first and foremost before all else. Have a long hard think about want you want for your future first. There will be those that try judge you and you have to be prepared for that too. I wish you all the best for whatever decisions you make, and remember I'm always around here somewhere if you need a chat.
J
The guys on here have gave you outstanding advice! Kudos to you guys
. But if you would like to talk to someone that's been there and done that (not exactly like your situation) I'm here to talk to .I was on the pill too when I became pregnant the very 1st time I slept with a black man, I was 18 and we lived in different countries. As has been said before, some things happen for a reason. Almost a decade and several more children later, we are still together and loving life. I wouldn't go rushing into another marriage though, in most places, providing you can prove you are a defacto couple, he would have the same parental rights regardless of being married. We didn't get married for many years, "why change something if it isn't broke?", and it did not impact our family situation at all.
I know you want what is best for the baby, but at the end of the day YOUR wellbeing, mental and physical, comes first and foremost before all else. Have a long hard think about want you want for your future first. There will be those that try judge you and you have to be prepared for that too. I wish you all the best for whatever decisions you make, and remember I'm always around here somewhere if you need a chat
.J
Thank you all so much for caring. I am feeling strong and have decided I will definitely have this baby and work on getting over what my husband did to me. Obviously, this happened for a reason and maybe he wasn't the man I was supposed to grow old with. I will not fight this divorce and I will give him what you want.
Now- for John, How do I handle this situation? I believe him when he says he is in love with me. I love everything about him. He's handsome, kind, caring, considerate, and the best sex I have ever experienced. I do have feeling for him and feel as if I allow it, I could fall in love with him. Certainly, his actions after finding out I am pregnant have been honorable and has made me respect him so much. He is just old fashioned in some ways and he is the type that likes to be in control. (I don't mean that in a bad way). He wants to marry me after the divorce is final. I am really confused.
Now- for John, How do I handle this situation? I believe him when he says he is in love with me. I love everything about him. He's handsome, kind, caring, considerate, and the best sex I have ever experienced. I do have feeling for him and feel as if I allow it, I could fall in love with him. Certainly, his actions after finding out I am pregnant have been honorable and has made me respect him so much. He is just old fashioned in some ways and he is the type that likes to be in control. (I don't mean that in a bad way). He wants to marry me after the divorce is final. I am really confused.
You used the key word again.... Sex! Time to take a step back, and be honest with yourself. Do you love this man, or was it just the sex? We have all had great sex... At least I hope, lol! But you have to be an adult about it. And separate the two. You still love your husband.... And that will take a considerably amount of time to get over. You share a history and past, connection which you don't with John.... So you do the math! Do not make this man a option, or an answer to a problem. You also mentioned that has controlling issues. And in the early stages, your pointing out one of his flaws.
011235
Male
I haven't really read this whole thread, but first and foremost, I think you need to discuss this with a doctor. Is it possible to get pregnant on birth control? I believe it is more common than most would like to think. Here's a link that random community commented on: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060924113952AAyZ4Eb . What I would be concerned about is potential harm to the developing fetus. This should not be taken lightly.
011235
Male
Never mind, apparently there is little risk... However, As stated in this link (please read it), http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/birth-control-pills/AN01662 : "It's always important to discuss any medication use during pregnancy with your health care provider, however." In reference to birth control.
011235
Male
but not only
I hear what everyone is saying. I do have feelings of love for John. I enjoy being with him. He makes me feel safe, protected, much more so than my husband ever did. Now that I am pregnant, he is doing everything for me and really showing me what a great man he is. Yes, the sex is amazing and even more so now that I am pregnant. He is much gentler with me. It's almost like we make love now as opposed to sex. I am in such a tough spot. I cannot afford to do this on my own. Have never been on my own. I know I probably sound pathetic but I am scared. Not scared to have this baby, but scared to do this alone. As for my husband, I will work through my feelings for him. I'll be honest, I don't miss sex with him, and my pain is turning more towards anger. John did tell me that they spoke on the phone and things were pleasant, but he won't speak to me. He told John he was walking away because he feels this baby deserves the right to be raised by it's *******, not him. Also, still blames me for "allowing" myself to be pregnant. Now, he says, why didn't John and I use condoms? Well, we did originally use condoms, but like any situation, once you become comfortable with someone and know they are clean, you stop using them. Plus, they were not comfortable for John. I guess this is all my fault now..
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falcondfw69
Guest
Alissa, the only thing you did wrong was to let that idiot of a soon-to-be ex husband of yours talk you into this in the first place! Everything else was what any normal person would do, including making love without a condom to someone you trust, who has been tested and has no "social diseases". But if you were not "down with it", you should have stayed strong in your beliefs. People can only "push us" as far as we let them.
I understand you are scared about raising the baby. Even if there is a married couple with both a mom and ******* raising the baby, it is a scary proposition. I can only imagine how difficult it was for my divorced mom to raise both me and my sis by herself, without even any contact from my *******.
Good luck to you, the baby, and John and I really hope things work out for the best for all 3 of you.
I understand you are scared about raising the baby. Even if there is a married couple with both a mom and ******* raising the baby, it is a scary proposition. I can only imagine how difficult it was for my divorced mom to raise both me and my sis by herself, without even any contact from my *******.
Good luck to you, the baby, and John and I really hope things work out for the best for all 3 of you.
Just to update everyone here, I am now 28 weeks pregnant, 7 months, and John and I are still together. My husband did divorce me and I have to say, after counseling, I now realize just how dysfunctional and sick my marriage was. John treats me so well, and is so good to me. Our *******, we named him Joshua, is due Feb 2nd 2014, and we plan to marry in Lake Tahoe in March, 2014. Thank you to everyone for your support! I am so happy!
