Please give me advice..

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Alissa, Jul 17, 2013.

  1. Alissa

    Alissa Member

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    Female
    My new husband of 11 months was consistently encouraging me to have sex with a black man. This was something I had never thought of prior to him bringing it up. To please him, I finally relented. We met a very nice, goodlooking, black man from Craigslist I will call "John" and the three of us struck up a friendship which soon led to a physical relationship between me and "John". the dynamics of our marriage have changed for the worse. My husband would not touch me physically and would always encourage me to call "John".To complicate matters, I have recently discovered I am pregnant. it is without any question, "John's" baby. Very confusing since I have been on birth control pills for nearly 2 years with no issue. I am at a loss as to what to do. My husband is now telling me he want's a divorce. Why am I being blamed for something he encouraged me to do? I don't know if I should have this baby, but I also don't think I could have an abortion. I did tell "John" and he wants me to have the baby and has told me he is in love with me and wants to pursue a future. Please, can you all give me some advice? I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.
     
    hedaite likes this.
  2. That seems like such an unfair situation that your husband has put you in. He forced you into a sexual fantasy that he clearly wasn't ready to handle. Im not sure what advice I can provide other than you have two men, one loves you and you are potentially going have his baby. I would sit and think about what you want and what is best for any potential baby. I hope this helped some.
     
    bm_from_southjersey likes this.
  3. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

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    Alissa, I think I would first want to confirm the father of the baby. That is now possible through paternal tests such as chorionic villi samplings and amniocentesis (based upon what week of pregnancy you are in). Talk to your doctor about it. Then, you need to sit with your hubby and have a heart-2-heart talk as to what's going on in your marriage and/or if this "john" will stay involved in your lives. Cuckolding often involves a lot of emotional "stress" and it sounds like he's going through it. As far as what to do with the baby, there are a lot of childless families out there desperately wanting children of their own. If you decide you don't want to keep the baby, don't rob them of the opportunity to have a baby of their own to love. Best of luck ... Mac

    ps ... what brought you to this website?
     
    Imagination likes this.
  4. Alissa

    Alissa Member

    Gender:
    Female
    Yes, he did and I appreciate your response. I never married him with the intention of being with another man, black or white. He was relentless until I agreed and once I slept with "John" things between us changed. He wouldn't make love to me anymore. Of course I had needs and enjoyed the experience with "John" so I continued the relationship. This was at his encouragement. I am so hurt and have no idea what to tell my family.
     
    Southernman032 likes this.
  5. Alissa

    Alissa Member

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    Female
    Mac, it is "John's" the black man's baby. I have not had sex with my husband in months. I have not been with anyone else.
     
  6. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

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    wow, so maybe now is the time to have that heart-t0-heart with hubby to see where he stands. I think he should be given the chance to "man up" to his responsibilities. I can imagine that conversation with your family is going to be a very sensitive one. Still, that baby needs a "family" ... both father and mother, and you need to start thinking in terms of what's in that baby's best interest now. If you can't see total commitment from either men, maybe giving the baby up for adoption is your best solution for the baby's future. Good luck!
     
  7. Alissa

    Alissa Member

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    Female
    I am trying to think of what is best for the baby. The father wants me to have it and has told me he is in love with me and wants a future with me.
     
  8. Alissa

    Alissa Member

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    Female
    I am thinking about it. he is a good man with a solid career and financially stable. I do have feelings for him, I am just not sure I am in love with him, but I do very much desire him sexually and have never been as sexually fulfilled in my marriage. its all just so much
     
  9. Mr.804

    Mr.804 Member

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    Male
    This should be a situation everyone on this site should pay close attention to. Especially the husbands, and the husbands new to this lifestyle. Clearly the husband wasn't ready for what he was asking for. So many things can cross someone's mind when seeing his wife being jus man-handled, and pure satisfaction on her face. As Mac stated in previous post, u should get confirmation from a doctor #1..#2 the 3 of you should have a talk...not individually, but together. So a peaceful solution to this complex problem can be resolved
     
  10. Alissa

    Alissa Member

    Gender:
    Female
    I appreciate your post Mr 804. I have tried, but when I told him I was pregnant, he knew it wasn't his, he had a fit and blamed me for it. I have taken birth control religiously and have never skipped a day. I clearly got pregnant on the pill. he has moved out of our home and has stuck me with the bills. if it weren't for John, the baby's father, I would be making ends meet. He has stepped up in every way since I told him I am pregnant and has confessed he is in love with me and has been for some time.
     
  11. Orion Pax

    Orion Pax Moderator Staff Member Real Person Gold Member

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    Yes... Be careful what you wish for!
     
  12. Mr.804

    Mr.804 Member

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    Typical of a man that can't own up to his own mistake. To be truthful, sounds like he wanted out of the marriage, jus needed an excuse to do so..when u truly love someone, u will do whatever it takes, regardless of the transgression, to keep the family in tact and function as a unit..that word "love" we throw it around like it's nothing..if we took the time to clearly learn the definition of the word, we would see that the definition is the blueprint to a more productive and peaceful life.. As for "john" stepping up and handling his biz...I'm not gonna give him props for that, every bruh on this site is gonna feel me when I say this..." Datz jus something, a real black man will do"
     
  13. Alissa

    Alissa Member

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    Female
    I didn't wish for any of this...
     
  14. Alissa

    Alissa Member

    Gender:
    Female
    I don't know to handle John either. He is very concerned about his rights as a father and asked me if I wanted to marry him after the divorce is done. He told me he has been in love with me for some time. I knew none of this as he kept it to himself. I dont have the means to raise this baby alone. I am barely getting by now. and Yes, John has really stepped up.
     
    wit likes this.
  15. Orion Pax

    Orion Pax Moderator Staff Member Real Person Gold Member

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    Your husband has no spine! This was his idea... Now he shuns you..
     
  16. Orion Pax

    Orion Pax Moderator Staff Member Real Person Gold Member

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    I was referring to your husband!
     
  17. Alissa

    Alissa Member

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    Female
    yes, it was.. He has left me in a financial rut and I am only getting by paying the bills here in this house with the help of John, the babies father. My lease is up in September and I have no idea what I am going to do or where I will go.
     
  18. Orion Pax

    Orion Pax Moderator Staff Member Real Person Gold Member

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    John sounds like the better man.. But be honest, you don't love him... Where will that leave his feelings?
     
    BlackInWhitePNW likes this.
  19. Alissa

    Alissa Member

    Gender:
    Female
    I am very confused. I was with my husband a long time. We have been together since our senior year in high school. We did break up for a year in college but got back together and finally married nearly a year ago. its hard to just let go of that, at least for me. As for John, he is a great guy and quite a catch. Handsome, successful, educated. Everything you would want in a man or husband. Honestly, I was expecting him to be upset when I told him I was pregnant, he wasn't. I have a very strong sexual attraction for him and honestly that has not changed. I do have feelings for him, especially since he has handled this so well and has helped me.
     
    wit likes this.
  20. Alissa

    Alissa Member

    Gender:
    Female
    John wants to marry when when I am divorced. he is very concerned as well about his rights and doing what is right for the baby. I am in a tough position as I dont want to upset him or have him get the wrong idea. Without his help, I wouldnt be making it financially.