Molly,Yes for years I made that mistake with my husband. I would leave my browser open by "accident" with IR porn, I would buy toys that were very insinuative and even get "caught" starring at black men when we were together.
All of this just drove him further away. It wasn't until we both saw a sex counselor that things took a positive turn. They get into the head of both of you and create a dailogue platform that bridges the right communication. Don't waste your time with games or tricks, do things right. If this is truly important for you a marriage counselor will help your partner not only see it but also understand it.
Is your sex counselor a woman? How did you proceed.