I think I've ruined my marriage by pursuing cuckolding. Need advice.

A

amelialong

Male
Probably not the best place/forum to discuss this, but I need advice from people that understand this lifestyle.

My wife and I have been married six plus years, together for nine. Very early in our relationship my wife, then girlfriend, expressed to me a strong attraction to black men, although she had never dated a black man. This was before I had expressed any of my cuckold feelings to her, which had started during my previous relationship. I think this set in motion my desire to share her which has developed over the years.

My wife and I have been discussing this for almost the entirety of our relationship in some form or another. Her interest level in pursuing this in reality has waxed and waned. I would say only once have we ever started to put an action plan in place to make it happen and it died very early on because I got jealous. Regardless, this fantasy has formed the basis of our sex life for years. Nothing turns either of us on as much as this.

We now have a toddler. Parenting is super hard and it hasn't been easy on our sex life. Truthfully, the frequency of our sex life has been an issue since we got married. In good times, it's once a week and in bad times once a month. It's been an issue between us. Recently, I've felt ready to make our fantasy a reality. For a while, she wanted to lose the pregnancy weight before giving it a go.

Two weeks ago we had a very frank and honest discussion about our sex life and she told me that she's been trying to get over some of the religious sexual hangups that she thinks have been holding her back and limiting our intimacy. It was a really good conversation, but I kinda thought like some of our previous ones it wouldn't go anywhere. Boy, was I wrong. We fucked five times in a week and it was great. Then, last Saturday out of the blue she downloaded tinder, and started matching and chatting to black guys.

She was turned off by a lot of the guys but really hit it off with two guys. I was initially very excited and supportive about all of this but as the week has worn on I've been hit with increasing jealousy. I think this is related to a variety of factors. Her willingness to do things with and for them she won't or rarely does with me. Her desire for the boyfriend experience, primarily her attraction to someone she has more in common with than with them being conventionally attractive. There's a lot happening here. I felt my increasing anxiety and asked her if she could stop texting them until we figure some stuff out. The conversation had become very sexual and she had even sent them pics of her in her panties and bra. Might not seem like a lot to you guys but it's amazing if you knew my wife. My wife said she would stop but still proceeded to send a few more texts before winding things down.

I told her today that I'm struggling with this thing that I was sure I wanted but now I'm not so sure. She's very upset and feels rightfully jerked around. I get her point but we also said we'd be honest and let each other know if we weren't comfortable or wanted to stop. I feel like something in her has been unleashed and it's exciting but I can tell she doesn't have a lot of interest to going back to how things were. She wants to move forward with these guys. I'm now questioning if I take want to be this person and why I want someone who doesn't think I'm enough. Feels like the genie is out of the bottle and I'm not sure I'm emotionally capable of dealing with these feelings. I want to talk to a therapist and figure it out but it will take time. Time that I'm not sure my wife wants to wait on.

Honest opinion, where do we go from here? We love each other and have a baby but we may want different things now
 
It sounds like she will stop if you really want her to but this could be your final chance at cuckolding, as in she may never trust your willingness to go through with it after your second time backing out. This is a pivotal moment where you either need to let her go through with it and trust that your cuckold desires will see you through to the other side as so many have explained on this forum - or back out and keep it a fantasy forever. If you go through with it you must let her enjoy herself and not ruin the experience!
 
YoungSoCalCouple said:
It sounds like she will stop if you really want her to but this could be your final chance at cuckolding, as in she may never trust your willingness to go through with it after your second time backing out. This is a pivotal moment where you either need to let her go through with it and trust that your cuckold desires will see you through to the other side as so many have explained on this forum - or back out and keep it a fantasy forever. If you go through with it you must let her enjoy herself and not ruin the experience!
Click to expand...
Yeah. I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head here. I think she will probably stop if I ask her to, but will quietly resent me for encouraging her to get in touch with this side of herself but then asking her not to pursue it. Also, I think our sex life is going to die a permanent death. Not sure she and I would even know where to start without our fantasy life, especially considering how super charged her libido has been since this started. Literally crashing back to earth.

This is the make or break moment. It's either proceed with this and see it through or learn to adapt and move from cuckolding/hotwifing permanently and try to build our sex life around something else. Feels almost impossible at this point.
 
Jealousy is detrimental to any relationship. I am not a marriage counselor but I have learned a few things over the years. All marriages (cuckold or not) requires four corner stones. Love, Trust, loyalty, and communication. Jealousy is often the result of personal insecurities. The reality that another man can and will satisfy his wife is real. It's important to not confuse sex with love, or love with sex. Neither is dependent on the other. Talk with one another... be open and honest..set your rules as a couple. Cuckoldry is not about you or her alone..its about you as a couple. It is and can be a truly rewarding and remarkable way to live as long as the four corner stones are secure. For me.. my bride is my world.. she deserves physical pleasure, what kind of loving husband would I be to deny her of this... in return we have grown a true bond emotionally and physically. I wish you both the best
 
The above poster is absolutely correct about communication, though I wonder if it is cuckold angst or full blown jealousy you are experiencing? Depending on that answer and given your comments about your future sex life there may be less downside to continuing to move forward than you have been fretting about.

Have you two ever discussed or played with chastity? It might help you keep some of your emotions in check while also giving her more control of the situation instead of feeling like you have all of the say in what happens in the bedroom. Like the above poster said, it’s not all about you.

Also, what do you mean by boyfriend experience? Does she want purely solo time with them and no involvement from you or a bit of both?
 
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amelialong said:
Yeah. I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head here. I think she will probably stop if I ask her to, but will quietly resent me for encouraging her to get in touch with this side of herself but then asking her not to pursue it. Also, I think our sex life is going to die a permanent death. Not sure she and I would even know where to start without our fantasy life, especially considering how super charged her libido has been since this started. Literally crashing back to earth.

This is the make or break moment. It's either proceed with this and see it through or learn to adapt and move from cuckolding/hotwifing permanently and try to build our sex life around something else. Feels almost impossible at this point.
Click to expand...
Your sex life doesn't have to be built around the lifestyle. I still enjoy sex with my husband and actually, even more so after having been with a bull before. It's really hard to explain.

But I would never want to have the lifestyle take place of intimacy between him and I. It's fun to talk about, and even experience from time to time, but i still want my husband to know I'm very much in love with him when it's all said and done.
 
From a bulls perspective I let the husband know that I am only interested in pleasuring the ******* out of his wife and having myself a good time while doing it. I am not however interested in stealing his woman. If I wanted a woman full time then I would go be with one. From the beginning I let hubby know that I just want to borrow her and take out all my bachelors sexual aggressions out on her and then give her right back to you.

My only rule when I get contacted by a couple who is interested in meeting me for fun is that the wife must be totally uninhibited to express herself in whatever way that pleases her sexually when we play to ensure the best possible experience or I am not interested! I have no problem respectfully declining an invitation that seems like its accompanied by a bunch of jealousy and hangups.

If you poorly screen bulls it's your fault. You should know how: what they look like, what size cock he's packing, if he looks like he can fuck well because you have seen a video clip of his. What his conversational skills are, does he dress like a decent human being, and if he is attractive enough for your wife. If fail to fully and properly vet and screen the bulls then you are setting yourself up for a bad experience!
 
Jdingo619 said:
From a bulls perspective I let the husband know that I am only interested in pleasuring the ******* out of his wife and having myself a good time while doing it. I am not however interested in stealing his woman. If I wanted a woman full time then I would go be with one. From the beginning I let hubby know that I just want to borrow her and take out all my bachelors sexual aggressions out on her and then give her right back to you.

My only rule when I get contacted by a couple who is interested in meeting me for fun is that the wife must be totally uninhibited to express herself in whatever way that pleases her sexually when we play to ensure the best possible experience or I am not interested! I have no problem respectfully declining an invitation that seems like its accompanied by a bunch of jealousy and hangups.

If you poorly screen bulls it's your fault. You should know how: what they look like, what size cock he's packing, if he looks like he can fuck well because you have seen a video clip of his. What his conversational skills are, does he dress like a decent human being, and if he is attractive enough for your wife. If fail to fully and properly vet and screen the bulls then you are setting yourself up for a bad experience!
Click to expand...
A true Bull.. thank you
 
amelialong said:
Probably not the best place/forum to discuss this, but I need advice from people that understand this lifestyle.

My wife and I have been married six plus years, together for nine. Very early in our relationship my wife, then girlfriend, expressed to me a strong attraction to black men, although she had never dated a black man. This was before I had expressed any of my cuckold feelings to her, which had started during my previous relationship. I think this set in motion my desire to share her which has developed over the years.

My wife and I have been discussing this for almost the entirety of our relationship in some form or another. Her interest level in pursuing this in reality has waxed and waned. I would say only once have we ever started to put an action plan in place to make it happen and it died very early on because I got jealous. Regardless, this fantasy has formed the basis of our sex life for years. Nothing turns either of us on as much as this.

We now have a toddler. Parenting is super hard and it hasn't been easy on our sex life. Truthfully, the frequency of our sex life has been an issue since we got married. In good times, it's once a week and in bad times once a month. It's been an issue between us. Recently, I've felt ready to make our fantasy a reality. For a while, she wanted to lose the pregnancy weight before giving it a go.

Two weeks ago we had a very frank and honest discussion about our sex life and she told me that she's been trying to get over some of the religious sexual hangups that she thinks have been holding her back and limiting our intimacy. It was a really good conversation, but I kinda thought like some of our previous ones it wouldn't go anywhere. Boy, was I wrong. We fucked five times in a week and it was great. Then, last Saturday out of the blue she downloaded tinder, and started matching and chatting to black guys.

She was turned off by a lot of the guys but really hit it off with two guys. I was initially very excited and supportive about all of this but as the week has worn on I've been hit with increasing jealousy. I think this is related to a variety of factors. Her willingness to do things with and for them she won't or rarely does with me. Her desire for the boyfriend experience, primarily her attraction to someone she has more in common with than with them being conventionally attractive. There's a lot happening here. I felt my increasing anxiety and asked her if she could stop texting them until we figure some stuff out. The conversation had become very sexual and she had even sent them pics of her in her panties and bra. Might not seem like a lot to you guys but it's amazing if you knew my wife. My wife said she would stop but still proceeded to send a few more texts before winding things down.

I told her today that I'm struggling with this thing that I was sure I wanted but now I'm not so sure. She's very upset and feels rightfully jerked around. I get her point but we also said we'd be honest and let each other know if we weren't comfortable or wanted to stop. I feel like something in her has been unleashed and it's exciting but I can tell she doesn't have a lot of interest to going back to how things were. She wants to move forward with these guys. I'm now questioning if I take want to be this person and why I want someone who doesn't think I'm enough. Feels like the genie is out of the bottle and I'm not sure I'm emotionally capable of dealing with these feelings. I want to talk to a therapist and figure it out but it will take time. Time that I'm not sure my wife wants to wait on.

Honest opinion, where do we go from here? We love each other and have a baby but we may want different things now
Click to expand...
i think its really too late to put the genie back in the bottle. she's gonna go forward either in front of you or behind your back, sooner or later. the question is which would you really prefer. you've opened the door to her true nature as a person & a woman. the instincts are keen & primed now. if you ******* her to go behind your back, you'll lose both Trust & Respect...which will eventually undermine & destroy the relationship.
you right now have the opportunity to be the man, & her husband, lifemate, and souls lover. the bulls don't really care to steal your wife from you in most cases. they're usually out for the fun of sex &thrill of bedding (& potentially breeding) a white man's bride. she's in it for sexual fulfilment, & potentially reproductive selection. ...the latter being a very basic, overwhelming underlying instinctual drive!
if you stand by her, accept & even encourage her...supporting fully her exploration & loving her unconditionally thru this journey, she'll stay with you despite who she has sex with or even very likely whom she has children with.
you've already passed the point of no return as to whether she will eventually in time do the deed. just now you have the moment of Truth when your actions will decide the manner in which she does it, & whether you'll grow together or come apart. that is the REAL choice you have now.
I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE!
 
amelialong said:
Probably not the best place/forum to discuss this, but I need advice from people that understand this lifestyle.

My wife and I have been married six plus years, together for nine. Very early in our relationship my wife, then girlfriend, expressed to me a strong attraction to black men, although she had never dated a black man. This was before I had expressed any of my cuckold feelings to her, which had started during my previous relationship. I think this set in motion my desire to share her which has developed over the years.

My wife and I have been discussing this for almost the entirety of our relationship in some form or another. Her interest level in pursuing this in reality has waxed and waned. I would say only once have we ever started to put an action plan in place to make it happen and it died very early on because I got jealous. Regardless, this fantasy has formed the basis of our sex life for years. Nothing turns either of us on as much as this.

We now have a toddler. Parenting is super hard and it hasn't been easy on our sex life. Truthfully, the frequency of our sex life has been an issue since we got married. In good times, it's once a week and in bad times once a month. It's been an issue between us. Recently, I've felt ready to make our fantasy a reality. For a while, she wanted to lose the pregnancy weight before giving it a go.

Two weeks ago we had a very frank and honest discussion about our sex life and she told me that she's been trying to get over some of the religious sexual hangups that she thinks have been holding her back and limiting our intimacy. It was a really good conversation, but I kinda thought like some of our previous ones it wouldn't go anywhere. Boy, was I wrong. We fucked five times in a week and it was great. Then, last Saturday out of the blue she downloaded tinder, and started matching and chatting to black guys.

She was turned off by a lot of the guys but really hit it off with two guys. I was initially very excited and supportive about all of this but as the week has worn on I've been hit with increasing jealousy. I think this is related to a variety of factors. Her willingness to do things with and for them she won't or rarely does with me. Her desire for the boyfriend experience, primarily her attraction to someone she has more in common with than with them being conventionally attractive. There's a lot happening here. I felt my increasing anxiety and asked her if she could stop texting them until we figure some stuff out. The conversation had become very sexual and she had even sent them pics of her in her panties and bra. Might not seem like a lot to you guys but it's amazing if you knew my wife. My wife said she would stop but still proceeded to send a few more texts before winding things down.

I told her today that I'm struggling with this thing that I was sure I wanted but now I'm not so sure. She's very upset and feels rightfully jerked around. I get her point but we also said we'd be honest and let each other know if we weren't comfortable or wanted to stop. I feel like something in her has been unleashed and it's exciting but I can tell she doesn't have a lot of interest to going back to how things were. She wants to move forward with these guys. I'm now questioning if I take want to be this person and why I want someone who doesn't think I'm enough. Feels like the genie is out of the bottle and I'm not sure I'm emotionally capable of dealing with these feelings. I want to talk to a therapist and figure it out but it will take time. Time that I'm not sure my wife wants to wait on.

Honest opinion, where do we go from here? We love each other and have a baby but we may want different things now
Click to expand...
You’re the one who pressured her into this and now she’s enjoying the attention you’re jealous. You’re the one who needs to come to terms with this, not her. You fantasised about this and in your fantasies you and her enjoyed it. Now you’re still a long way off realising this and you’re jealous & now you’re trying to put the emphasis back on her for your problems. Just like you put the emphasis on her to test the waters in this lifestyle and she’s enjoying what she can see. It’s not that you’re not enough but you’ve offered a world where she can have escapism from for a while.
The problem is you’re feeling guilty and jealous because you’ve opened a Pandora’s Box and you don’t know how to deal with your feelings but you’ve made her open up to an idea and feelings she never envisaged. You have.
You made this happen. Now you want to withdraw it from her. You want to deny her and yourself. She will probably not trust you again and certainly probably never entertain this again should you succeed in pulling back from this situation but you won’t be able to trust her again because you seem to want to be in control. But you’re not. You’re not on control of yourself or this situation any longer.
She might go ahead with this with your consent and approval. You might give that tacitly. She may not go ahead or it may but you may never know. Which would you choose?
NB. You said you agreed that if either of you wanted to stop you would..... she was very reluctant to start by the sound of your post. What you meant is if YOU wanted to stop because, you see, this is all about you, not her. You’re selfish and can’t handle this. Fair to say you’re emotionally stymied and just see your wants. I hope these guys gave her what you can’t.
 
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You have let the genie out of the bottle, but please understand that this is not a problem. So far you have made your marriage stronger.

You have helped your wife to remember and enjoy the fact that she is attractive to other men. You would feel flattered if women were telling you how attractive you are. So far, all you have described is some pretty heavy flirting and sexting encouraged by you. You should be pleased that she is doing what you asked and flattered that you have a wife who is desired by others. She stopped when you asked. She may have given the guys a soft landing by sending a few more messages rather than just cut them off. That doesn't seem unfair if she and they have invested some time/effort.

You are in a stronger position than many marriages because similar things happen for a lot of married women but they can never enjoy the situations and involve their husbands too. Many end up cheating. A lot of women my wife has worked with have cheated on their husbands and they are jealous that Claire can play and tell me about it. Be happy that this is not being hidden from you.

One of the big problems cuckolds have is the vast gulf between how they feel before and after cumming. Just before cumming I'll agree to anything. My wife would often tell me she was going to kiss my cum into my mouth and ******* me to eat it. That would send me over the edge and make me cum, but after cumming I had no desire for it at all and never followed through. Cuckolding is just the same. The top tip is to masturbate less. Enjoy the sexiness around the situation you are in. A chastity arrangement can really help here, but it is just one way. If you have the willpower, just don't seek your own gratification too early/often. It will be especially important to work out how to manage your level of excitement if she does meet someone. If you only last two minutes, you'll have to sit and watch or wait while you're in the wrong mood and your wife and lover are just getting going. I used to ride that rollercoaster while my wife was fucking her boss. When she called me to tell me what she'd done I was already spent to a degree. When we have done things together I've always made sure I was the last to cum. This can be challenging for Claire though as she likes to see that she is driving me wild. As ever, there is a balance.

You are in a good place of honesty and fun right now. Don't spoil it by making her feel that it is not OK to feel sexy and wanted. Tell her it's OK but voice your feelings about how quickly it is going, how you might like to be more involved, and agree how far you want to go. Avoid setting limits; they only cause problems if they are broken. Agree how you'd both like it to go instead and understand that it might go differently.
 
To be a good BF or husband - you should be willing to do anything that makes her happy including becoming a bi sub sissy cd cuckold. I think all females need lots of cocks. Encourage her to fuck any cock she wants then offer to lick her pussy clean after her dates while she shares the details with you.
 
don't ruin life man. this lifestyle isn't that bad. there might be a time be you completely adapt but you can definitely do it especially because you liked the idea at first. you just need to wait it out and start adapting to the lifestyle
 
dante19xx said:
don't ruin life man. this lifestyle isn't that bad. there might be a time be you completely adapt but you can definitely do it especially because you liked the idea at first. you just need to wait it out and start adapting to the lifestyle
Click to expand...
Much of what he’s feeling is common for many men when they first start out into this lifestyle. Just most of them find themselves like this the first time they’ve witnessed her having her brains banged out for the first time 👍
 
amelialong said:
Probably not the best place/forum to discuss this, but I need advice from people that understand this lifestyle.

My wife and I have been married six plus years, together for nine. Very early in our relationship my wife, then girlfriend, expressed to me a strong attraction to black men, although she had never dated a black man. This was before I had expressed any of my cuckold feelings to her, which had started during my previous relationship. I think this set in motion my desire to share her which has developed over the years.

My wife and I have been discussing this for almost the entirety of our relationship in some form or another. Her interest level in pursuing this in reality has waxed and waned. I would say only once have we ever started to put an action plan in place to make it happen and it died very early on because I got jealous. Regardless, this fantasy has formed the basis of our sex life for years. Nothing turns either of us on as much as this.

We now have a toddler. Parenting is super hard and it hasn't been easy on our sex life. Truthfully, the frequency of our sex life has been an issue since we got married. In good times, it's once a week and in bad times once a month. It's been an issue between us. Recently, I've felt ready to make our fantasy a reality. For a while, she wanted to lose the pregnancy weight before giving it a go.

Two weeks ago we had a very frank and honest discussion about our sex life and she told me that she's been trying to get over some of the religious sexual hangups that she thinks have been holding her back and limiting our intimacy. It was a really good conversation, but I kinda thought like some of our previous ones it wouldn't go anywhere. Boy, was I wrong. We fucked five times in a week and it was great. Then, last Saturday out of the blue she downloaded tinder, and started matching and chatting to black guys.

She was turned off by a lot of the guys but really hit it off with two guys. I was initially very excited and supportive about all of this but as the week has worn on I've been hit with increasing jealousy. I think this is related to a variety of factors. Her willingness to do things with and for them she won't or rarely does with me. Her desire for the boyfriend experience, primarily her attraction to someone she has more in common with than with them being conventionally attractive. There's a lot happening here. I felt my increasing anxiety and asked her if she could stop texting them until we figure some stuff out. The conversation had become very sexual and she had even sent them pics of her in her panties and bra. Might not seem like a lot to you guys but it's amazing if you knew my wife. My wife said she would stop but still proceeded to send a few more texts before winding things down.

I told her today that I'm struggling with this thing that I was sure I wanted but now I'm not so sure. She's very upset and feels rightfully jerked around. I get her point but we also said we'd be honest and let each other know if we weren't comfortable or wanted to stop. I feel like something in her has been unleashed and it's exciting but I can tell she doesn't have a lot of interest to going back to how things were. She wants to move forward with these guys. I'm now questioning if I take want to be this person and why I want someone who doesn't think I'm enough. Feels like the genie is out of the bottle and I'm not sure I'm emotionally capable of dealing with these feelings. I want to talk to a therapist and figure it out but it will take time. Time that I'm not sure my wife wants to wait on.

Honest opinion, where do we go from here? We love each other and have a baby but we may want different things now
Click to expand...
Well, I dare to answer you as a woman in my mid-forties and as a 'hotwife' being addicted to well-hung bbc lovers since I was more or less ****** into this lifestyle. Yes, in your case the genie is out of the bottle, and it seems that you cannot handle your feelings. But, one thing is for sure: No therapist is able to solve you problem. Save your money for it doesn't get you nowhere. What about a gentle arrangement with your wife you apparently still in love with. Be calm and supportive to a certain degree. Your wife fucked black and she will never go back. I honestly wish you a acceptable outcome!
 
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