About one year ago, I finally told my wife (fiancee at the time) about my cuckolding fantasy. Thank you BtoW and some of the members who helped me overcome my fear to tell my wife about my cuckolding desires. Although she does not seem willing to try it (yet?), open and honest communication has brought us closer together, and I no longer have to fear of being "found out."
Below is the story of how I told her, her reaction, and where things are at now between the two of us. My hope is that this story will encourage other cuck-minded males to come out, so to speak, to their significant others. I think every relationship can benefit from open and honest communication between couples, especially when it comes to our kinks and desires. I'd also be interested in any comments, observations, or advice anyone has on how my wife reacted and how I could improve my communication to encourage her to give cuckolding a try.
First I'll provide a brief description of us. My wife and I are in our early 30s with professional careers in Los Angeles. My wife is half Mexican and half Jewish and I'm white. We've been married for a little over one year, and been a couple for a little over 4 years.
Prior to bringing up that I had cuckold desires, I had told my wife about my previous experiences engaging in s/m play with a previous partner, so my wife knew I had a kinky side. (And to be fair, I also knew that she had experimented with a girlfriend and still gets off to lesbian porn at times). Building up the nerve to tell her about my cuckold fantasy was quite the journey. I've read all the blogs on this topic, scoured this website, and exchanged several emails with other members. Now, I did receive my fair share of poor advice (like "surprise her with a hung bull"), but it was the advice of one individual that hit the nail on the head, which was "just tell her." It's really not fair to her for me to keep this secret to myself, and I would never feel fulfilled if I had to continue through life with these hidden desires. Also, there would be no other way to experience my fantasy by keeping it a secret.
With all of that said, of course I felt concerned that she would judge me, think I'm a weirdo, break up with me, and all the other parade of horribles. But I knew that if I did not share this aspect of myself with her, it would eat at me until I died. And so I told her everything about cuckold fantasy about one year ago.
About a year ago, when my wife and I were just a few months away from our wedding date, we planned a week-long trip abroad. I decided that on this trip would be the first time I confessed my cuckolding fantasies to her. Prior to this trip, I had gone into detail into some of the s/m acts that a previous partner and I engaged in. My wife learned that I was the submissive one in the relationship and that I had a huge foot fetish. My wife said that she wanted to act out all of the s/m related acts I had engaged in with this previous partner, however, aside from indulging in foot play, I had resisted. For some reason it just felt too weird to engage in slave play, spanking, CBT/NT etc. with someone I was about to marry and start a family with. I was not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with my previous partner, and she never hung out with my core group of friends (I had met her through a social acquaintance of mine in college) and she never met anyone in my family. Despite my hesitation, I had always promised my wife that we would engage in this play at some point. I figured that this trip would be a terrific time to couple my confession with s/m play.
After adjusting to the jet lag, I decided the second night would be the perfect night. After dinner, we hit up a few bars. As the night wore on, we were both a bit tipsy and began talking dirty to each other. I upped the ante a bit, talking about how I would be her sex slave for the night, suck on her toes, and do whatever she wanted. Her response was spot on, saying how she was going to kick me in the balls, make me eat her ass (which I had never even done before), and pee on me. We came back to our room near midnight and got straight to it. I have to admit I was quite impressed how quickly she got into the role of the dominant partner. Some of the highlights included her telling me to lie down in the shower while she peed on my face and chest, me kneeling behind her eating her ass, her sitting on my face in bed, and her having me spread my legs so she could kick me in the balls. We ended the night by having some of the best sex of our lives.
Still feeling tipsy (but not blacked out) and lying side-by-side in the afterglow, I told her that there was one more kink that I had that I had not shared with her. I started off being coy, telling her that I was afraid to confess because it was a "little out there" and something that would surprise her. She started to ask questions such as "are you into guys?" and "do you want to dress as a woman", all of which I truthfully answered "no" to. She then asked if I wanted to swing. I responded by saying "well, not exactly." She then commented that she does not think she would feel comfortable with me being with other girls. I let her know that that was okay because my fantasy has nothing to do about me being with other women or having sex with anyone else. After a little back and forth, I finally took the plunge: "I want you to have sex with another guy" I told her.
This shocked her, but not in a "I'm breaking up with you" kind of way. She was shocked because I had always been a bit of a jealous type--asking a million questions when she would go out with her friends at night and came across as being a bit on the possessive side. I explained to her that I could understand the disconnect between my past behavior and what I was telling her now, but I described what I considered to be a distinction between cheating and her having sex with someone else with my full knowledge and consent. I also then admitted that I fantasized about her being with a black guy, which was a bit puzzling to her (and which I will explain in more detail below).
She had several questions about why I had this fantasy and if I was sure I was not just using this as pretext to sleep with other girls--an outcome that she would not be okay with. I told her that I had no interest in sleeping with other women and then made an attempt to explain my cuckold fantasy. I tried to explain the psychological aspect behind the kink and how I got off on the humiliation and submission behind it. I also tried connecting back to my past exploration and experiment with s/m. After awhile, we finally fell asleep in the early hours of the morning.
We woke up late morning the next day. After some cuddling, she asked me if I remembered what I told her last night. After telling her that I did, I asked her if she remembered everything I told her to which responded "yes." And so we continued our discussion from the previous night. My wife was hung up on three main issues: 1. Whether this was just pretext for me to sleep with someone else, because why else would I want her to sleep with other men?; 2. How could this possibly work?; and 3. Why a black guy as opposed someone who looked like me? We discussed all three issues continuously throughout our vacation all the while engaging in some s/m play (which she got really into, including some tease and denial play telling me I couldn't cum during sex and making jerk off in the corner or on her feet). After our vacation, our discussions continued leading up to our wedding. What follows below is a summary of our discussions around her three main issues. I should also mention that my wife (or fiancee at the time) always reassured me that it was okay that I told her about my fantasy and that she didn't think less of me.
1. Her fear that this was just pretext for me to sleep with someone else, because why else would I want her to sleep with other men?
My wife kept coming back to this point. I tried to explain to her that a cuckolding fantasy (although I never used the term "cuckolding" in all over our conversations) by it's very definition did not leave room for me to sleep with anyone else. I further explained that the entire fantasy, for me at least, focused on the humiliation and submission aspect of her sleeping with someone else. She explained that she felt that the entire fantasy was based on degrading her. I told her that from my perspective, the psychological rush comes from her getting off with someone else, her pleasing someone else, and me submitting to this arrangement by encouraging her to have fun and remaining faithful to her. I explained how I felt that I was the one being humiliated/degraded in the cuckold scenario. I told her I would want her to go through with it only if she actually wanted it. And that if she felt pressured to do it just to please me, then she shouldn't do it because that could lead to resentment and perhaps irreparably strain our soon-to-be marriage. I also repeatedly assured her that I loved her and would respect her decision whatever it may be--I told her it was fine if it just remained a fantasy.
Somewhat off topic, we did talk in more detail about her meeting someone by going out to a bar/club with her friend. We discussed her engagement ring and I explained that I would always want her to wear it. Also, when we were discussing this fantasy during foreplay, I also explained that I would show her how much I still loved her after she had sex with someone else by going down on her afterwards. I know that she kind of liked this idea because we kissed passionately afterward, with her squeezing me tight against her body.
We also discussed what would happen if she did not want to stop. She explained that sex for her is not just physical, but emotional too. She also somewhat joked about that if she did do it with a black guy about not being able to go back. I explained to her that it would be okay with me if she wanted to continue, but that if it put a strain on our marriage because she was falling for someone else, I would expect her to stop. We talked about our relationship and how good it was. She explained that she loved having sex with me and really has no interest in anyone else. I responded by reiterating that I would only want her to go through with it if she really wanted to.
2. How could this possibly work?
My wife also discussed certain practical details about how we could implement my fantasy, which I must admit was arousing and dizzying at the same time. My wife first talked about how she would meet someone, declaring that she wouldn't want to meet someone online. She said that I would have to start being okay with her going out with her friends so that she could meet someone. She also said that she would want to tell one of her best friends, a girl who is actually into dating black guys, because she trusted her. I responded that I would rather her not tell anyone and that if she was going to tell this friend, that she had to tell me first. My wife agreed that she wouldn't tell anyone unless I was okay with it, but also assured me that this friend does not judge anyone (and therefore, wouldn't judge me or our relationship) and that she is discrete and could be trusted with this secret. She also explained that if she was going to meet someone, her friend would have to know that she wasn't just out cheating on me. I agreed that her going out with her friend to meet someone was one possibility in implementing this fantasy. But I also suggested that she not dismiss finding someone online out of hand. I explained how it could be more discrete (neither one of us would want any of our other friends, family, or professional colleagues finding out about this) and that we could also find someone who was experienced in being the other guy. This would help ensure that there were no "attachment" issues that could lead to problems down the road. What I had in mind here, but did not tell her, was the verified real people on this website. My wife seemed more receptive to the idea of finding someone online.
We also had discussions regarding safety and pregnancy. Our concerns around safety was two-fold. First, physical safety. I explained that I would want to be there to watch. Therefore, the physical safety risk would me minimized. She explained that she was not sure how she would feel if I watched, especially not the first time. She'd feel insecure and would not like it. At this point, I quite honestly did not think about not being there to witness the act. But the idea of her taking someone without me there was intriguing nonetheless so long as she would describe what happened. On the physical safety issue, we discussed several ways to ameliorate the risk such as constant contact and communication throughout the date, meeting the person first, running a background, etc.
The second issue concerned safe sex: STDs and pregnancy. My wife reminded me how she was not on the pill anymore because we were planning to try for a baby soon after we were married. She also explained how she has only had sex with 6 people, including me, she dislikes condoms, and how fearful she was about contracting an STD especially since she never had one before. I explained that in the interim, she would need to use a condom as that was the only way currently to protect against pregnancy (note: neither one of us has impregnation fantasies). As for STDs, I explained that she would be taking the same risk that she took with me and past lovers where we did not wear a condom. I used this opportunity to reintroduce the idea of finding someone online who was experienced with this fantasy and, therefore, would likely be willing to provide proof of a recent STD test. But I acknowledged that acting out this fantasy was not without risk. I admitted that cuckolding is much more risky than my other fetishes given that we'd be involving a third party.
3. Why a black guy and not someone who looked like me?
My wife was a bit hung up on this fact. She stated how she wasn't overly attracted to black guys as they just weren't her type. She said she would rather it be with someone who looked like me. I was not really prepared on how to answer this question so I sort of stumbled through my response. I explained that the psychological thrill would be for her to be with someone who didn't look like me at all, and that in fact, I thought it would be kind of weird if the person did look like me. I explained the psychological thrill behind the taboo of her fiancee/husband being a white guy but her having sex with a black guy.
As an aside, the next day after telling her about my fantasy, when we were out walking around the city site-seeing, I distinctly recall her saying to me in a joking matter, "look, I see some black guys over there. Do you think they would want to date me?" But we both just nervously laughed it off. It was apparent that neither one of us were willing to take the plunge right away.
A couple of days later, while we were still on the trip, we talked about the aspect of my fantasy of her cuckolding me with a black guy. I asked her if she had ever hooked up with a black guy in the past. She admitted that she had made out with a black guy before at a party while she was an undergrad, but that she never slept with a black guy. She also admitted that she had a huge crash on a black guy when she was in grad school, but nothing ever came of it. Apparently they were just friends, he wasn't really interested in my wife because he was in a relationship at the time and ended up marrying that person and having a family. But then she said "I'm friends with him on Instagram. Do you want to see pictures?" Obviously, this comment got me quite aroused and also made me slightly dizzy. I can't remember what exactly I said, I was kind of nervous because of all the ******* rushing out of my head, but it must have been something along the lines of "no, that's okay" because she responded "but you should like this. Come and look." We then spent at least a few minutes looking at pictures of this guy. She told me how she had a huge crush on him, so much so that she told her mom that she was likely going to marry a black guy. And she also told me about how all of her friends knew about her huge crush--even explaining that at a bachelorette party several years earlier, they had joked that they were going to invite him or that he was going to show up.
While she was telling me this, I was really light headed, but hard as a rock. I even put her hand on my cock so she could feel how hard I was as we were discussing her former black crush. I mentioned that maybe we could find someone like this guy for her. We ended up having sex afterwards, but (and I know I blew the chance) we didn't incorporate this conversation into any sort of role play.
On a side note on this topic, I showed her this website on her phone that first morning after telling her about my fantasy. I can't remember which forum I had open at the time, but, as she was looking through the different subtopics, I remember her being surprised, although not judgmental, saying something along the lines of "ya, that is different." With that comment, I realized this was a mistake. With forum topics such as "Who wants to be black owned", "Are white women meant to be black men's property", and other topics about castration and pregnancy, I recognized that I was not presenting a realistic portrayal of how we could actually incorporate this cuckold fantasy into our lives and how it would actually all play out. I then told her that there were articles produced by more mainstream media outlets, such as CNN, that she could read to help her better understand my fantasy. (I realize that I messed up again by not showing her these articles. All sorts of crazy sites pop up when you search by "my husband wants me to sleep with someone else" that are geared more towards porn fantasy than reality).
****
After we came back from the trip, we talked about my fantasy on several other occasions. This topic typically came up organically. For instance, we were walking home one day and saw this firefighter hitting on this girl. She said something about how they probably just go around in their fire engines when times were slow just to pick up on chicks. She then said that I would probably be okay with him talking to her, to which I replied "I wouldn't mind, but you know my thing involves it being a black guy." She responded by teasing with "ya, that's right. You'll pick the guy for me."
However, we also talked about my fantasy in a more serious, cerebral manner. Sometimes these conversations ended with her declaring that she would never go through with it and other times it ended with her needing more time to consider it. She would say things like how she didn't think I would really be okay with her being with someone else. She also said that she would be more open to the idea if I hadn't been so jealous/possessive earlier on in our relationship. She stated how much she loves our sex life. She also said she wouldn't want the guy to be bigger than me because she wouldn't want to "mess anything up down there" that would damage our sex life. She also observed that she would be more open to the idea if the guy looked like me. She talked about us having ******* and not wanting them to ever find out that she sleeps with other people, and that perhaps we should wait until they moved out of the house before acting on my cuckold fantasy. I told her that I loved her and would want her to do it only if she wanted it.
On most occasions, she was pretty adamant that she didn't want to sleep with anyone else and wanted to make sure that I was okay with just engaging in sex between the two of us. She wanted to ensure that if she didn't go through with acting out my fantasy that I wouldn't leave her or cheat on her. This was a pretty stressful time for us because it was only weeks before our wedding date and we were busy balancing work commitments with finding time to plan all of the last minute wedding details that no one ever thinks about. Given everything that was going on at that time, I thought it would be best to drop this topic and tell her it's best that we didn't actually go through with it. I would say things like, "it's clear you don't really want to do it, so we should just drop it" or "I don't want to talk about it anymore because I don't want you to do it." At times, however, she would say "you can't bring this up and then tell me we can't ever do it." Other times she would agree that we shouldn't do it. Our discussions regarding my fantasy more or less tapered off over the next few months.
***
Where things stand now.
I've been thinking more and more about my cuckolding fantasy, and I really want to reintroduce the idea to my wife to encourage her to try it out. I understand now that if she were to actually go through with sleeping with another guy, it won't go exactly how I picture it. For instance, I may not be there for the act or even meet the guy. He could be a random hook up, and he may not even be black. But I'm okay with all of this if it means trying my fantasy out in one form or another. We're at a really good point in our relationship and our marriage is stronger than ever.
We've now been married a year and have a baby. She obviously couldn't engage in the fantasy now as she is breast feeding and neither one of us would risk anything that would endanger the baby''s health. But we have started to have really great sex again, which leads me to think now might be the time to bring up the cuckolding idea so that we can actually start talking about it again.
Given her reaction when we discussed my fantasy about a year ago, I think my wife is at least intrigued about the idea of sleeping with someone else. I'm just not sure how to reintroduce the idea that I actually want her to reconsider my fantasy. If anyone has any ideas, I would greatly appreciate it. Also, if anyone has any feedback on how I could improve my communication and responses to her objections and concerns, that would be greatly appreciated as well.
Once again, thank you B2W Community for helping me overcome my fear in disclosing my cuckold fantasy to my wife.
James
Below is the story of how I told her, her reaction, and where things are at now between the two of us. My hope is that this story will encourage other cuck-minded males to come out, so to speak, to their significant others. I think every relationship can benefit from open and honest communication between couples, especially when it comes to our kinks and desires. I'd also be interested in any comments, observations, or advice anyone has on how my wife reacted and how I could improve my communication to encourage her to give cuckolding a try.
First I'll provide a brief description of us. My wife and I are in our early 30s with professional careers in Los Angeles. My wife is half Mexican and half Jewish and I'm white. We've been married for a little over one year, and been a couple for a little over 4 years.
Prior to bringing up that I had cuckold desires, I had told my wife about my previous experiences engaging in s/m play with a previous partner, so my wife knew I had a kinky side. (And to be fair, I also knew that she had experimented with a girlfriend and still gets off to lesbian porn at times). Building up the nerve to tell her about my cuckold fantasy was quite the journey. I've read all the blogs on this topic, scoured this website, and exchanged several emails with other members. Now, I did receive my fair share of poor advice (like "surprise her with a hung bull"), but it was the advice of one individual that hit the nail on the head, which was "just tell her." It's really not fair to her for me to keep this secret to myself, and I would never feel fulfilled if I had to continue through life with these hidden desires. Also, there would be no other way to experience my fantasy by keeping it a secret.
With all of that said, of course I felt concerned that she would judge me, think I'm a weirdo, break up with me, and all the other parade of horribles. But I knew that if I did not share this aspect of myself with her, it would eat at me until I died. And so I told her everything about cuckold fantasy about one year ago.
About a year ago, when my wife and I were just a few months away from our wedding date, we planned a week-long trip abroad. I decided that on this trip would be the first time I confessed my cuckolding fantasies to her. Prior to this trip, I had gone into detail into some of the s/m acts that a previous partner and I engaged in. My wife learned that I was the submissive one in the relationship and that I had a huge foot fetish. My wife said that she wanted to act out all of the s/m related acts I had engaged in with this previous partner, however, aside from indulging in foot play, I had resisted. For some reason it just felt too weird to engage in slave play, spanking, CBT/NT etc. with someone I was about to marry and start a family with. I was not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with my previous partner, and she never hung out with my core group of friends (I had met her through a social acquaintance of mine in college) and she never met anyone in my family. Despite my hesitation, I had always promised my wife that we would engage in this play at some point. I figured that this trip would be a terrific time to couple my confession with s/m play.
After adjusting to the jet lag, I decided the second night would be the perfect night. After dinner, we hit up a few bars. As the night wore on, we were both a bit tipsy and began talking dirty to each other. I upped the ante a bit, talking about how I would be her sex slave for the night, suck on her toes, and do whatever she wanted. Her response was spot on, saying how she was going to kick me in the balls, make me eat her ass (which I had never even done before), and pee on me. We came back to our room near midnight and got straight to it. I have to admit I was quite impressed how quickly she got into the role of the dominant partner. Some of the highlights included her telling me to lie down in the shower while she peed on my face and chest, me kneeling behind her eating her ass, her sitting on my face in bed, and her having me spread my legs so she could kick me in the balls. We ended the night by having some of the best sex of our lives.
Still feeling tipsy (but not blacked out) and lying side-by-side in the afterglow, I told her that there was one more kink that I had that I had not shared with her. I started off being coy, telling her that I was afraid to confess because it was a "little out there" and something that would surprise her. She started to ask questions such as "are you into guys?" and "do you want to dress as a woman", all of which I truthfully answered "no" to. She then asked if I wanted to swing. I responded by saying "well, not exactly." She then commented that she does not think she would feel comfortable with me being with other girls. I let her know that that was okay because my fantasy has nothing to do about me being with other women or having sex with anyone else. After a little back and forth, I finally took the plunge: "I want you to have sex with another guy" I told her.
This shocked her, but not in a "I'm breaking up with you" kind of way. She was shocked because I had always been a bit of a jealous type--asking a million questions when she would go out with her friends at night and came across as being a bit on the possessive side. I explained to her that I could understand the disconnect between my past behavior and what I was telling her now, but I described what I considered to be a distinction between cheating and her having sex with someone else with my full knowledge and consent. I also then admitted that I fantasized about her being with a black guy, which was a bit puzzling to her (and which I will explain in more detail below).
She had several questions about why I had this fantasy and if I was sure I was not just using this as pretext to sleep with other girls--an outcome that she would not be okay with. I told her that I had no interest in sleeping with other women and then made an attempt to explain my cuckold fantasy. I tried to explain the psychological aspect behind the kink and how I got off on the humiliation and submission behind it. I also tried connecting back to my past exploration and experiment with s/m. After awhile, we finally fell asleep in the early hours of the morning.
We woke up late morning the next day. After some cuddling, she asked me if I remembered what I told her last night. After telling her that I did, I asked her if she remembered everything I told her to which responded "yes." And so we continued our discussion from the previous night. My wife was hung up on three main issues: 1. Whether this was just pretext for me to sleep with someone else, because why else would I want her to sleep with other men?; 2. How could this possibly work?; and 3. Why a black guy as opposed someone who looked like me? We discussed all three issues continuously throughout our vacation all the while engaging in some s/m play (which she got really into, including some tease and denial play telling me I couldn't cum during sex and making jerk off in the corner or on her feet). After our vacation, our discussions continued leading up to our wedding. What follows below is a summary of our discussions around her three main issues. I should also mention that my wife (or fiancee at the time) always reassured me that it was okay that I told her about my fantasy and that she didn't think less of me.
1. Her fear that this was just pretext for me to sleep with someone else, because why else would I want her to sleep with other men?
My wife kept coming back to this point. I tried to explain to her that a cuckolding fantasy (although I never used the term "cuckolding" in all over our conversations) by it's very definition did not leave room for me to sleep with anyone else. I further explained that the entire fantasy, for me at least, focused on the humiliation and submission aspect of her sleeping with someone else. She explained that she felt that the entire fantasy was based on degrading her. I told her that from my perspective, the psychological rush comes from her getting off with someone else, her pleasing someone else, and me submitting to this arrangement by encouraging her to have fun and remaining faithful to her. I explained how I felt that I was the one being humiliated/degraded in the cuckold scenario. I told her I would want her to go through with it only if she actually wanted it. And that if she felt pressured to do it just to please me, then she shouldn't do it because that could lead to resentment and perhaps irreparably strain our soon-to-be marriage. I also repeatedly assured her that I loved her and would respect her decision whatever it may be--I told her it was fine if it just remained a fantasy.
Somewhat off topic, we did talk in more detail about her meeting someone by going out to a bar/club with her friend. We discussed her engagement ring and I explained that I would always want her to wear it. Also, when we were discussing this fantasy during foreplay, I also explained that I would show her how much I still loved her after she had sex with someone else by going down on her afterwards. I know that she kind of liked this idea because we kissed passionately afterward, with her squeezing me tight against her body.
We also discussed what would happen if she did not want to stop. She explained that sex for her is not just physical, but emotional too. She also somewhat joked about that if she did do it with a black guy about not being able to go back. I explained to her that it would be okay with me if she wanted to continue, but that if it put a strain on our marriage because she was falling for someone else, I would expect her to stop. We talked about our relationship and how good it was. She explained that she loved having sex with me and really has no interest in anyone else. I responded by reiterating that I would only want her to go through with it if she really wanted to.
2. How could this possibly work?
My wife also discussed certain practical details about how we could implement my fantasy, which I must admit was arousing and dizzying at the same time. My wife first talked about how she would meet someone, declaring that she wouldn't want to meet someone online. She said that I would have to start being okay with her going out with her friends so that she could meet someone. She also said that she would want to tell one of her best friends, a girl who is actually into dating black guys, because she trusted her. I responded that I would rather her not tell anyone and that if she was going to tell this friend, that she had to tell me first. My wife agreed that she wouldn't tell anyone unless I was okay with it, but also assured me that this friend does not judge anyone (and therefore, wouldn't judge me or our relationship) and that she is discrete and could be trusted with this secret. She also explained that if she was going to meet someone, her friend would have to know that she wasn't just out cheating on me. I agreed that her going out with her friend to meet someone was one possibility in implementing this fantasy. But I also suggested that she not dismiss finding someone online out of hand. I explained how it could be more discrete (neither one of us would want any of our other friends, family, or professional colleagues finding out about this) and that we could also find someone who was experienced in being the other guy. This would help ensure that there were no "attachment" issues that could lead to problems down the road. What I had in mind here, but did not tell her, was the verified real people on this website. My wife seemed more receptive to the idea of finding someone online.
We also had discussions regarding safety and pregnancy. Our concerns around safety was two-fold. First, physical safety. I explained that I would want to be there to watch. Therefore, the physical safety risk would me minimized. She explained that she was not sure how she would feel if I watched, especially not the first time. She'd feel insecure and would not like it. At this point, I quite honestly did not think about not being there to witness the act. But the idea of her taking someone without me there was intriguing nonetheless so long as she would describe what happened. On the physical safety issue, we discussed several ways to ameliorate the risk such as constant contact and communication throughout the date, meeting the person first, running a background, etc.
The second issue concerned safe sex: STDs and pregnancy. My wife reminded me how she was not on the pill anymore because we were planning to try for a baby soon after we were married. She also explained how she has only had sex with 6 people, including me, she dislikes condoms, and how fearful she was about contracting an STD especially since she never had one before. I explained that in the interim, she would need to use a condom as that was the only way currently to protect against pregnancy (note: neither one of us has impregnation fantasies). As for STDs, I explained that she would be taking the same risk that she took with me and past lovers where we did not wear a condom. I used this opportunity to reintroduce the idea of finding someone online who was experienced with this fantasy and, therefore, would likely be willing to provide proof of a recent STD test. But I acknowledged that acting out this fantasy was not without risk. I admitted that cuckolding is much more risky than my other fetishes given that we'd be involving a third party.
3. Why a black guy and not someone who looked like me?
My wife was a bit hung up on this fact. She stated how she wasn't overly attracted to black guys as they just weren't her type. She said she would rather it be with someone who looked like me. I was not really prepared on how to answer this question so I sort of stumbled through my response. I explained that the psychological thrill would be for her to be with someone who didn't look like me at all, and that in fact, I thought it would be kind of weird if the person did look like me. I explained the psychological thrill behind the taboo of her fiancee/husband being a white guy but her having sex with a black guy.
As an aside, the next day after telling her about my fantasy, when we were out walking around the city site-seeing, I distinctly recall her saying to me in a joking matter, "look, I see some black guys over there. Do you think they would want to date me?" But we both just nervously laughed it off. It was apparent that neither one of us were willing to take the plunge right away.
A couple of days later, while we were still on the trip, we talked about the aspect of my fantasy of her cuckolding me with a black guy. I asked her if she had ever hooked up with a black guy in the past. She admitted that she had made out with a black guy before at a party while she was an undergrad, but that she never slept with a black guy. She also admitted that she had a huge crash on a black guy when she was in grad school, but nothing ever came of it. Apparently they were just friends, he wasn't really interested in my wife because he was in a relationship at the time and ended up marrying that person and having a family. But then she said "I'm friends with him on Instagram. Do you want to see pictures?" Obviously, this comment got me quite aroused and also made me slightly dizzy. I can't remember what exactly I said, I was kind of nervous because of all the ******* rushing out of my head, but it must have been something along the lines of "no, that's okay" because she responded "but you should like this. Come and look." We then spent at least a few minutes looking at pictures of this guy. She told me how she had a huge crush on him, so much so that she told her mom that she was likely going to marry a black guy. And she also told me about how all of her friends knew about her huge crush--even explaining that at a bachelorette party several years earlier, they had joked that they were going to invite him or that he was going to show up.
While she was telling me this, I was really light headed, but hard as a rock. I even put her hand on my cock so she could feel how hard I was as we were discussing her former black crush. I mentioned that maybe we could find someone like this guy for her. We ended up having sex afterwards, but (and I know I blew the chance) we didn't incorporate this conversation into any sort of role play.
On a side note on this topic, I showed her this website on her phone that first morning after telling her about my fantasy. I can't remember which forum I had open at the time, but, as she was looking through the different subtopics, I remember her being surprised, although not judgmental, saying something along the lines of "ya, that is different." With that comment, I realized this was a mistake. With forum topics such as "Who wants to be black owned", "Are white women meant to be black men's property", and other topics about castration and pregnancy, I recognized that I was not presenting a realistic portrayal of how we could actually incorporate this cuckold fantasy into our lives and how it would actually all play out. I then told her that there were articles produced by more mainstream media outlets, such as CNN, that she could read to help her better understand my fantasy. (I realize that I messed up again by not showing her these articles. All sorts of crazy sites pop up when you search by "my husband wants me to sleep with someone else" that are geared more towards porn fantasy than reality).
****
After we came back from the trip, we talked about my fantasy on several other occasions. This topic typically came up organically. For instance, we were walking home one day and saw this firefighter hitting on this girl. She said something about how they probably just go around in their fire engines when times were slow just to pick up on chicks. She then said that I would probably be okay with him talking to her, to which I replied "I wouldn't mind, but you know my thing involves it being a black guy." She responded by teasing with "ya, that's right. You'll pick the guy for me."
However, we also talked about my fantasy in a more serious, cerebral manner. Sometimes these conversations ended with her declaring that she would never go through with it and other times it ended with her needing more time to consider it. She would say things like how she didn't think I would really be okay with her being with someone else. She also said that she would be more open to the idea if I hadn't been so jealous/possessive earlier on in our relationship. She stated how much she loves our sex life. She also said she wouldn't want the guy to be bigger than me because she wouldn't want to "mess anything up down there" that would damage our sex life. She also observed that she would be more open to the idea if the guy looked like me. She talked about us having ******* and not wanting them to ever find out that she sleeps with other people, and that perhaps we should wait until they moved out of the house before acting on my cuckold fantasy. I told her that I loved her and would want her to do it only if she wanted it.
On most occasions, she was pretty adamant that she didn't want to sleep with anyone else and wanted to make sure that I was okay with just engaging in sex between the two of us. She wanted to ensure that if she didn't go through with acting out my fantasy that I wouldn't leave her or cheat on her. This was a pretty stressful time for us because it was only weeks before our wedding date and we were busy balancing work commitments with finding time to plan all of the last minute wedding details that no one ever thinks about. Given everything that was going on at that time, I thought it would be best to drop this topic and tell her it's best that we didn't actually go through with it. I would say things like, "it's clear you don't really want to do it, so we should just drop it" or "I don't want to talk about it anymore because I don't want you to do it." At times, however, she would say "you can't bring this up and then tell me we can't ever do it." Other times she would agree that we shouldn't do it. Our discussions regarding my fantasy more or less tapered off over the next few months.
***
Where things stand now.
I've been thinking more and more about my cuckolding fantasy, and I really want to reintroduce the idea to my wife to encourage her to try it out. I understand now that if she were to actually go through with sleeping with another guy, it won't go exactly how I picture it. For instance, I may not be there for the act or even meet the guy. He could be a random hook up, and he may not even be black. But I'm okay with all of this if it means trying my fantasy out in one form or another. We're at a really good point in our relationship and our marriage is stronger than ever.
We've now been married a year and have a baby. She obviously couldn't engage in the fantasy now as she is breast feeding and neither one of us would risk anything that would endanger the baby''s health. But we have started to have really great sex again, which leads me to think now might be the time to bring up the cuckolding idea so that we can actually start talking about it again.
Given her reaction when we discussed my fantasy about a year ago, I think my wife is at least intrigued about the idea of sleeping with someone else. I'm just not sure how to reintroduce the idea that I actually want her to reconsider my fantasy. If anyone has any ideas, I would greatly appreciate it. Also, if anyone has any feedback on how I could improve my communication and responses to her objections and concerns, that would be greatly appreciated as well.
Once again, thank you B2W Community for helping me overcome my fear in disclosing my cuckold fantasy to my wife.
James
