I get where you're coming from,,,the majority of couples are somewhat vested in their situation for a number of reasons, not to be a "Debbie Downer", but that's why the divorce rates are so high, half the reason both sexes have a midlife crisis. The trick is if you like NASCAR, look around the track for a wife, not at a tennis court, then come Sunday there isn't even a question on how you're spending the afternoon. That's why in the beginning I said most people won't like what I have to say. We find ourselves attracted to someone, we date, we find out more about them, we're compatible in many ways, so it's natural to think we can bring them along eventually once they too are vested. And there lies the rub,,,neither sex likes that, and one or the other (or both), eventually resents it. Bam,,,somebody's lawyer's getting a new BMW,,,
It kinda reminds me of that old radio commercial for Antifreeze,,,the traffic reporter comes on the radio from his chopper, he announces there's a big traffic jam up ahead due to a stalled car, he suggests taking an alternative route,,,then addresses the guy in the stalled car and informs him there is no alternate route,,,that he should've used Prestone antifreeze. If I, could I, would I, should I,,,history is full of paths not taken, what can you do?
Thanks. I hear where you are coming from.
I have been a keen observer of human nature since I was a kid. Comes from growing up in a dysfunctional family where the mom was abusive. My brother would push her buttons and get hit. I kept my head down, always read the room, looked for non verbal queues and discern what’s really behind the words. I had a real interest in human nature and what makes people tick. Maybe why my undergrad degree is in psychology.
That’s all just prelude to this. I know my wife, with the Catholic upbringing, has deep dark (not suggesting interracial with that) desires that she is too embarrassed to share with me. She desires a dominant man, sexually. It’s not in my nature to be dominant, and if that’s not your nature it’s nearly impossible to pull it off convincingly. I’m not a sub either. Pretty much in the middle with a slight lean to the sub side. Anyway, when we got together she wanted me to tie her up, which I was fine with. I played with her, used toys with her, but it appears that I wasn’t giving her what she needed because after the second time trying it she was no longer interested. She really wanted me to watch 50 Shades with me. I tried. I was bored, tired, and much to her displeasure I fell asleep during the movie. She was pissed. I offered to watch it with her again but she was not interested. A friend of hers from work dropped off a grocery bag of 50 shade novels (I had no idea the movie was based on a series) and said that my wife was really going to “love these, really,” The guy she dated before we got together she hinted was a take charge guy, very sexual, but he was also crazy, owned a lot of guns which bothered my wife, but the deal breaker was that he was in love with an exchange student who was *******. Anyway, as I mentioned I’m not a dom, my wife knows I’m not a dom. But I have introduced her to things she never tried before, oral sex, toys (including big black ones), porn which she doesn’t like unless I get her super hot first then she totally gets off on it. She also never had an orgasm before we got together. She came close with the guy before which is why, besides the dom slant, he was her favorite.
Anyway, her other fantasy, which she has told me openly about is that she wants to feel irresistible to men. They not only want her but have to have her. This is a huge turn on because she has low self esteem and she doesn’t think men find her attractive. She’s not tall, blonde, doesn’t dress slutty, and frankly she’s quite shy. She definitely craves the attention of other men. When I am with her and other guys are around her whole mood and energy changes. She is more energized, bubbly, engaging, almost flirtatious. It’s a completely observable phenomena which I was reminded of a couple weeks ago when we were standing in long line to get frozen yogurt and this dark completed Indian gentleman, probably ten years younger than us, started talking to us asking what the deal with the line was. Totally normal interaction to me, then my wife started to engage, and her whole excited school girl persona kicked in and I went “ohhhh yeah, it’s another guy and she is excited to engage.” My fantasy is not just about seeing her with a “dark man” (not sure if she understands that) but her excitement at interacting with another man was on full display.
There was a dark period in our relationship where I believe she had a brief affair back in 2009, but no need to go into those details here.
Anyway, one night we went out to a bar in the City. We danced and drank and she was looking hot. I saw a decent looking black guy saddle up at the bar. There was an open stool next to him and I jumped at the opportunity. I went up to the bar and put in a ******* order next to him, then mentioned how my wife likes to dance way more than I do and “I’m worn out.” The guy said (which I was hoping he would) “I can dance with her if you need a hand.” I said “sure that would be great,” which totally caught him off guard. Then he asked “which one is your wife“ and when I pointed her out he got a big smile and looked back at me, “Are you sure?” And I said “absolutely.”
He went up and asked her to dance and she was really nervous, and didn’t look like she wanted to. But then he kept talking to her and pointed over at me. I nodded my head yes and gestured that she should dance with him. She danced two dances with him and he was drooling over her body, especially her big tits and cute ass.
After we left the club we were walking back to the car and she was really pissed at me. She was convinced that I PAID the guy to ask her to dance. I swore that that was absolutely not the case and told her what happened. She still wasn‘t convinced. It took a long time before she finally believed the truth then the events in retrospect made her feel sexy, desired.
The point of this is to say that I believe if I provide an opportunity (basically impossible around us because it’s lily white in our community), to have a good looking, somewhat dominant back man flirt with her, and express sexual desire in the right environment (either while we are out of town at a hotel where she always gets loosened up and adventurous, especially after a ******* or two) or if it’s someone I befriend who we spend time around, she will give in to her true desires. It may not happen but I think the chances are pretty good. All I want is to have her in a position where she can freely make that choice, and not believe it’s a set up because that would just reinforce that no other man wants her without payment or being ****** to by me.
In our sex play and at other times, she has expressed a sexual attraction to black men, no doubt because of my planting the seed and continuing to water it. But that too is buried deep due to Catholic guilt that keeps her from talking about pretty much anything sexual outside of our play time. One example:
Years ago while I was still on my mission to convince my wife to fuck a black guy, I pulled a couple hundred images off the internet of guys with small white dicks and others with men who have large black cocks. I had her sit down with me and I told her I wanted to show you the differences between white guys and black guys that speaks to why there is that saying “once you go black.” Can you believe she never heard “once you go black you never go back?” Anyway, I created what amounted to a slide show. Keep in mind that she only dated white guys and only slept with three before me. None she ever described as hung.
So I alternated between white/small and black/huge and went through all the pictures. I was shocked she stayed through the whole thing and was engaged. A month later....
We are driving to a friends party that is 90 minutes away. About a mile from the exit, she brings up out of the blue, “I had a dream last night.” I said, “ok.” She said, “it was a sex dream.” That shocked me because she had said previously she has no fantasies and no sex dreams. I said. “Oh really” playing it cool because my wife is pretty tame and it’s probably going to be like romance novel variety. But then she surprised me by saying, “I think you are going to like it. It was about a black man.” “No way, really? Are you just saying that to make me happy?” She said “no really...”
“I was a queen long ago. I had sex with every single man in the castle. They were all white and none satisfied me. Then one day I am walking down near the stable and the stable hand is this tall, muscular black man. His family is poor so I gave him something to help them. Then he took me by the hand and led me out to this field.”
“And what happened?!?!”
”Well he fucked my brains out. The sex was absolutely incredible. I came so much and I was soooo loud. It was just.... wow”
You’d have to know my wife to know how uncharacteristic this whole thing was.
I asked her after she told me, “why do you think you had that dream now?” She said “I think it had to do with all those pictures you showed me.”
I have two black men who live about an hour and a half away who understand the situation and are surprisingly interested in the friendship angle which is my ideal. I would be happy to make another friend in the Bay Area. All my college buddies are in SoCal and my closest friend who lived near me moved to Tahoe. I have other casual friends but we don’t do much together. I have had black male friends in the past (who predate this fantasy strangely enough) when I lived in LA and San Diego, but my circles and surrounding community since moving up to the Bay Area has been predominantly white.
Sorry for the long message. The bottomline is that I still believe I can have my cake and eat it too but it’s going to require great execution and maybe a little luck.
