We have had the same problem with the guys we do MFMs with. Many talk a good game but when play time comes they are happy for just sucking and fucking. We have told them where the toys are located in the bedroom including the bondage equipment and floggers and even left the drawer open so they are visible and no takers. Hubby has discussed their being more aggressive with her and other than one white guy who came over explicitly for a bdsm scene and one black guy who would restrain her at his place the rest have been pretty plain in their tastes despite the talk.