Fantasy impact to marriage

[m and d]

My wife is a sultry redhead and prior to marriage had dated two black men. She has a general interest in BBC as a fantasy and I typically drive the fantasy side of our love making.

Is there a point where the fantasy is pushed to hard and it begins to negatively impact the marriage? I consider this fantasy enactment to be a spectrum, starting with the mere mention of an idea on one end to the completion of the act on the other. Has anyone experienced the perfect spot between fantasy and reality that had a positive impact in the marriage without going full BBC gangbang double pen type activity? Is just flirting enough or dancing with a black guy the sweet spot?

This is the kind of question directed at the 90% of us on the site just in fantasy land and not really 'about that life'.

 

[robbiewillsuck]

tease each other more and more and it might happen and might not. Be ready to go all the way. Just be a good sissy cuckold - do anything that makes her happy and the includes BBC.

 

[HelenOfTrois]

My wife is a sultry redhead and prior to marriage had dated two black men. She has a general interest in BBC as a fantasy and I typically drive the fantasy side of our love making.

Is there a point where the fantasy is pushed to hard and it begins to negatively impact the marriage? I consider this fantasy enactment to be a spectrum, starting with the mere mention of an idea on one end to the completion of the act on the other. Has anyone experienced the perfect spot between fantasy and reality that had a positive impact in the marriage without going full BBC gangbang double pen type activity? Is just flirting enough or dancing with a black guy the sweet spot?

This is the kind of question directed at the 90% of us on the site just in fantasy land and not really 'about that life'.

I think the fact that you're making these considerations shows a lot of sensitivity, which is the main ingredient to making a sex life shared between two people really work. In short, yes pushing it too hard can have negative impacts if your wife doesn't understand the reasons for pushing it, or assigns negative meaning to your desires. In my experience, a lot of fantasy "play" between the couple alone (without others) is something that really builds the bond and creates a healthy entrance to bring new people into the mix.

I can tell you that while I had many black sexual partners in the past before my current relationship, it took me a while to warm up to having a real full blown sexual encounter with a stranger in front of my husband (which turned into both of them fucking me together.) I think the experience was completely liberating and positive because I didn't feel a single bit judged by my husband. He was an active participant rather than a bystander, so I could remain connected with him and feel secure the entire time in terms of enjoying myself without disrupting "us."

Truth be told, if a woman has found a really GOOD relationship, she does not want to fuck it up. Especially if she's mature enough to understand how hard it really is to find, cultivate and maintain a good relationship. SO, a lot of women are afraid to venture sexually because to be honest, losing a good relationship is devastating and it's just not worth losing someone you really care about over a temporary sexual pleasure. BUT, if both partners are comfortable enough with fantasy to explore it in a tangible way... it can be very electric.

You might open it up to your wife as a possible thing to explore once with no pressure to ever do it again. One of the things my husband started doing was including me in his fantasies verbally. I would close my eyes and he would describe a scenario, while he was touching and fucking me, and I would get lost in the fantasy. That drove me to venture out a little more-- flirting with someone while he was across the bar, walking in a sexy outfit or bikini and letting him follow and watch other men approach or stare.... to meeting up with men for a *******, together, and then inviting them over. You're right -- it's a spectrum, and I think if a woman feels like she has the freedom to explore the spectrum with you, no pressure, she may warm up to actual physical encounters.

One thing that really built trust and confidence for me was my husband allowing me to pull the plug on a situation as soon as I want it to end. All I have to do is give him a look, or excuse myself to the bathroom, and he knows that I'm done with it.

Long answer, but I hope this helps. Stay sensitive and thoughtful about the whole thing, because I think that's really what keeps it alive.

 

[m and d]

Thank you for the very thoughtful message. I think as a rule I want to follow the so no harm mantra because she is amazing. As a 00couple, we have built a pretty awesome life together and aside from wanting to perv out as much as possible, there is no justification to jeopardize that.

We have done some fun stuff for sure and her desire is tamed by her risk aversion I am sure. I have been very open about what I want and I think she has held back which is understandable. I want to end up setting expectations and working on fantasies that we both want and then escalate the interactions to meet those ends.

You seem to have taken a very pragmatic and joint approach to this as a couple and that is commendable. I would be interested to hear if there were very specific and tactical things your husband did or things you found easier to do.

 

[Anthony0542]

I think the fact that you're making these considerations shows a lot of sensitivity, which is the main ingredient to making a sex life shared between two people really work. In short, yes pushing it too hard can have negative impacts if your wife doesn't understand the reasons for pushing it, or assigns negative meaning to your desires. In my experience, a lot of fantasy "play" between the couple alone (without others) is something that really builds the bond and creates a healthy entrance to bring new people into the mix.

I can tell you that while I had many black sexual partners in the past before my current relationship, it took me a while to warm up to having a real full blown sexual encounter with a stranger in front of my husband (which turned into both of them fucking me together.) I think the experience was completely liberating and positive because I didn't feel a single bit judged by my husband. He was an active participant rather than a bystander, so I could remain connected with him and feel secure the entire time in terms of enjoying myself without disrupting "us."

Truth be told, if a woman has found a really GOOD relationship, she does not want to fuck it up. Especially if she's mature enough to understand how hard it really is to find, cultivate and maintain a good relationship. SO, a lot of women are afraid to venture sexually because to be honest, losing a good relationship is devastating and it's just not worth losing someone you really care about over a temporary sexual pleasure. BUT, if both partners are comfortable enough with fantasy to explore it in a tangible way... it can be very electric.

You might open it up to your wife as a possible thing to explore once with no pressure to ever do it again. One of the things my husband started doing was including me in his fantasies verbally. I would close my eyes and he would describe a scenario, while he was touching and fucking me, and I would get lost in the fantasy. That drove me to venture out a little more-- flirting with someone while he was across the bar, walking in a sexy outfit or bikini and letting him follow and watch other men approach or stare.... to meeting up with men for a *******, together, and then inviting them over. You're right -- it's a spectrum, and I think if a woman feels like she has the freedom to explore the spectrum with you, no pressure, she may warm up to actual physical encounters.

One thing that really built trust and confidence for me was my husband allowing me to pull the plug on a situation as soon as I want it to end. All I have to do is give him a look, or excuse myself to the bathroom, and he knows that I'm done with it.

Long answer, but I hope this helps. Stay sensitive and thoughtful about the whole thing, because I think that's really what keeps it alive.

Helen, great post - really good

 

[dikklittle]

tease each other more and more and it might happen and might not. Be ready to go all the way. Just be a good sissy cuckold - do anything that makes her happy and the includes BBC.

just because a guy wants is wife fucked ,and fantasises with his wife about that prospect ,what makes you think he is a SISSY.
he's just a guy who wants her fucked good and proper.
I for one love cream pies but a sure as fuck I have not ever wanted to be a sissy.