I wanted to marry my current wife precisely to forget a wrong situation with another lady, but mainly because I was in love with her and wanted to have sex with her. Let's say my previous rel was a dominant girl edging to abusive. That included non-consensual caging with a lock that was difficult to pick, pussyless sex, was tricked into pegging and doing a lot of things under false expectations of real heterosexual intercourse. That led to me being humiliated and penetrated by one of her friends. I can't say that was all ****** upon me, but I had feelings for that girl.
Unconsciously, I now ended up recreating with my wife and bull many of the things that I was conditioned to by my ex-gf, except for the caging. This time I tricked myself into believing I only wanted to see my wife blacked and so on. I now realized I actually wanted it for myself. After my last orgasms with her bull's friend and her pregnancy, I am less inclined to have sex with her. Instead, I want her to enjoy and keep the bull meeting her every week. And definitely want to see his friend over and over again.