I wasn't there the first couple of times my wife had playdates with prospective bulls. In our situation, it's not that I was forbidden to see it, it's just that we're both busy, career-oriented parents of young children, so logistically if things like this are going to work out, I sometimes have to be ready to take one for the team. But, in my experience, there are MANY ways for a husband to be involved in the situation even if he's not present for the main event.
I recommend seeing if you can be involved in the process of helping her find a black lover. Maybe use your profile here or start one on one (or several) of the major swingers sites? I spent months searching profiles and making lists of men I planned to show my wife. As she gradually warmed up to the idea of being with a black man and cuckolding me for real, I'd show her their profiles. It was a great way to better learn what attracts her and what doesn't, and it definitely ramped up her interest to have her husband showing her men that made her horny (and had the fantastic side dramatically increasing the occurrence of fun, sexy nights in our bedroom, with lots of hot fantasizing and pillow talk about what she would do if she let a black man take her).
Anything that gets the two of you talking about it will be a big help to both of you. Seeing how turned on you get may make the idea of letting you watch her with another man seem less "weird" to her, if the idea becomes something you discuss freely together and share fantasies about. Or, you may find that the discussions strengthen what already sounds like a strong trust in your wife, your relationship with her, and your shared desire of letting her experience the intense, carnal, naughty and deeply satisfying thrill of getting thoroughly fucked by a strong black man with a taste for married white women. When the arousal is shared between the two of you, you may find yourself more comfortable with the idea of letting her do it in whatever way works best for her.
There are lots of other ways you can help facilitate as well. Perhaps you could set up a three-way chat conversation (my wife and I use Kik for this) so she has an avenue to ask men questions or get used to flirting with someone new, while you get the benefit of seeing them converse and everyone getting comfortable with each other. That's been a great way to make people feel less like strangers, and often helps fuel interest with new partners for us.
That plan can also lead to other opportunities to be involved. The first guy my wife tried to get with lived in another town; a place in which she frequently had layovers on her way to work trips. Their flirting in chats was a huge turn on, so when she had a trip coming up, I told her that if she could get a flight with a longer layover than normal, I'd arrange for a hotel room and ground transportation, and see to it that she wouldn't have to worry about a single detail. She was free to simply enjoy a sexy adventure.
Or maybe you can be the one to arrange a public meet-up with a guy she's approved, to see if there's mutual comfort and chemistry? At the very least, meeting and getting to know the man she wants to fuck may help establish some trust, and bring you some peace of mind if she wants to take things further. And I can tell you from experience, that first meeting can make for an electrifying evening. I scheduled time to meet my wife's first bull in an upscale bar. She was dressed to impress, in a stylish and flattering dress, perfect makeup, making me a proud hubby like she does anytime we go out. Then he came in and the hostess bought him to our table, he shook my hand, kissed hers, and sat down beside her. Maybe this particular thrill isn't for everyone, but I found myself unable to look around the room and make eye contact with others, wondering if anyone was taking notice and putting together what we were up to. What it felt like to watch my wife blush at his compliments and open up about our entire sexual history with a man she'd just met, in public, to see if she wanted to fuck... Completely indescribable.
By the time she was ready to meet that particular gentleman again in a more private setting, I wasn't worried he would turn out to be an abusive predator. I still wished I could be there, and there was a ton of anxiety as I wondered what they were doing, but I was treated to an incredible story from my positively glowing with afterward. That situation led to many more with that man, and he was happy to provide lots of pictures and videos of what they did the times I couldn't be there in person, and my wife enjoyed the lust and jealous desire that took me to the brink of sanity when she shared the accounts and evidence of her rendezvous. She quickly found she very much enjoyed having me there as well. I think dominating a white woman's husband, both directly and by instructing her on what to do with me, added to the experience for him, but I know there are many guys out there who appreciate a sharing stag and work to keep him as happy as his wife, if the dominance/submission vibe isn't your thing.
Full disclosure: Technically, my wife's very first time fucking a black man was at a sex party at which I was present. It was hot as hell, but stuff we did that night was definitely not our normal behavior. It was more like a random and isolated night of debauchery and shirking inhibitions, and the next day, my wife kept asking herself, "who was that girl last night?" So, immediately after that, nothing really changed. I didn't suddenly consider myself a cuckold, and she didn't start fucking black men regularly until quite a while later. In fact, the solo times I described above were well over a year later, so I still feel like they were her first real forays into exploring and intentionally seeking sexual encounters with strong, well-endowed black men. I'm sure your dynamic with your wife isn't exactly like ours, but I hope some of this helps you think about the countless mutually enjoyable ways this kind of situation can play out, even if your wife has some reservations or preferences you weren't expecting. Anything's possible with good communication and a little creativity.
