Thankfully it seems to be dying down.
What is the #1 most frustrating thing about the Hotwife lifestyle within last couple years for singles and couples?
- Thread starter Xzibit
- Start date
I have to say its the negative attitude society has toward the lifestyle. It’s seen as such a taboo. I believe the porn industry is partly to blame. In recent years they have portrayed the lifestyle to be women having indiscriminate sex with any and all men, the husband as an effeminate closet homosexual wuss and the bull as a narcissist, closet bisexual, wannabe gangsta, control freak. Thats not who we are at all.
The fakers are also to blame because they keep feeding that misconception that makes society view us as a bunch of freaks with all their nonsense fantasy talk. It’s cool to fantasize but let’s separate the fantasy from reality.
The fakers are also to blame because they keep feeding that misconception that makes society view us as a bunch of freaks with all their nonsense fantasy talk. It’s cool to fantasize but let’s separate the fantasy from reality.
Just like a cuckold to follow someone else’s lead (sloppy seconds) haha . So can we make a group chat on here or does it need to be on another platform ?
You not lying
I agree to many people dont take the time to communicate. I get about 1 to 2 emails from couples or females expressing interest and boom two emails later after getting pictures they disappear never to be seen again. I like to communicate before i even think about traveling to another state or city, but most on here don't have the attention span to do basic communication.
It's interesting to me that this has been your experience. Our profile on Kasidie (the most popular lifestyle site where we live) is 12 years old. We were on a handful of sites even earlier than that. We've been ethically non-monogamous, with varying levels of involvement in "the lifestyle" for over two decades. In our experience, there is more and more tolerance for single men. You'll still see couples-only events, or functions that are free for single ladies, couples pay a reasonable cover, and single males have to pay through the nose to get in, but there are fewer and fewer couples covering their profiles with things like, "sorry single guys, the bad behavior of a few of you has ruined it for all of you. Don't contact us, we'll let you know if we're interested." BUT... couples profiles are still by far the most prevalent, and the number of them who say they are looking for "couples and single women" still dwarfs the number that include single men in what they're looking for.
From our viewpoint, the scene has ALWAYS been mostly a couples game, and is only recently becoming more open to the idea that many couples get a lot of enjoyment out of bringing a single male into the equation.
After so many years in the lifestyle, we have met SOOOOOO many couples who play together or not at all. Package deal, as you call it. Some are soft swap, some are full swap, some only want threesomes or group play, etc. But it's not new or "weird."Now lately it's become this weird "package deal" for chicks trying to ADD their nasty ass, punk-ass cuckold husband talking about 'let him suck you off' or some bullshit
Over the years, I can't tell you the number of times I've seen things get awkward because some woman's husband was super insecure, or unattractive, or much older than the rest of the group, or really nerdy, etc., and somebody's wife starts feeling pressure to "take one for the team." I've also seen a ton of ladies in the lifestyle who aren't actually bi, but felt there was an unspoken expectation that they'd be ok with bi play, so they put it on their profiles because "it drives my man crazy to see me kissing another woman." Always about making sure insecure husbands still felt like they were in control. I feel like with the recent popularity of the hotwife, stag & vixen thing, cuckolding, etc., some of that bullshit is starting to shift. More women are saying straight up they want high quality men and don't care about couples play, and more couples are bringing single men into the bedroom.
There are pros and cons to the way things are changing, and the points expressed in this thread are valid, but I think more than ever, a lot of people are more focused on what WOMEN in the lifestyle want. My wife is free to play alone if she wants to, and since we're parents, sometimes solo play is the only way to make things happen. Even though that's been our situation for a long time, it took until about 3 years ago to meet ANY other couples who were healthy and secure, where the woman went out to play without her hubby. So it's fascinating to me that you're finding it harder to find quality, rather than having your pick.
All that said, this has ALWAYS been a journey we've taken together. So even though it's not a requirement that I am present, dudes do have to understand that my wife and I have a great sex life. They're there because we BOTH want them to be. I get enjoyment out of seeing my wife pleasured. So if I'm not there, it's good to have banter with the guy she's with, get stories, pictures, or videos of the action, and we make sure people know upfront that we prefer to both be present, whenever we can make that happen. Again, I don't think any of that's a recent change, or some kind of new concept in the lifestyle. It's the way we've always known it to be.
Believe it or not, we meet a lot of guys who PREFER to interact with couples. They could be on Bumble or Tinder looking for loose, single women, but instead they're on swingers sites, looking for couples. They may be 100% straight, but enjoy having a friendly relationship with the guy whose wife they're banging. They want women with a little more sexual experience, who know what they're looking for, and who are in stable relationships and aren't going to come with a bunch of strings attached or emotional baggage. They like the mental component that comes with showing off in front of a husband or a group. And as I said before, they're SO MUCH MORE PREVALENT now that single men are more welcomed in the lifestyle. Far more men hit us up than our busy schedules will allow us to entertain. So I'll admit, there's probably more competition for single men than the used to be. They're not usually going to get a good reaction from a dick pic and a single line message like, "your bitch is fine, I wanna pound that phat ass with this bbc." There's still plenty of morons to weed out, but the ones we actually wind up talking to are far from "thirsty simps." Generally speaking, they're better educated, better communicators, in better shape, and they increasingly seem to understand that if they don't show up when that say they will, their reputation is on the line. The men doing it right are getting PLENTY of action, and they don't seem to be complaining.But a lot of thirsty SIMP Kneegrows so desperate for pussy they go along with the bullshit
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Consistency. Hard to find ongoing partners. Most just want to hook up as much as possible. Also- no shows after the room is paid for
Its out of the flakes/frauds who just so happens to catch amnesia when its time to meet or the couples where thw guy wants you to be bi to enjoy his wife. OR its those guys who wont let you speak with the wife directly and give you small details on the specific day we're supposed to be meeting. I cant decide on either of these things smh.
Thanks for telling the truth.
Nice.
For us it’s been the restriction on being able to meet Del my black cock lover with him giving me the deep peniitrive sex that I crave since he gave me my first real fucking that changed my sex life .
no shows at a meet, followed by men who want to cuck hubby, he's a stag not a cuck
Craig Rudd
Male
Disrespectful guys and women. My wife has a friend, she is black, that does not like me. She is rude. And there have been a number of guys that ignore me and talk to my wife, mostly young guys, and they do not know what respect means in the lifestyle. That is usually a red flag and hints at their immaturity.
People have been the most dramatic change and frustrating thing. A lot of couples and people in the lifestyle do so to connect with others and make friends and connections and yes have sex be an open option for when people are feeling the desire to. Now a lot of the times you'll run into someone and they find out you swing or are a hotwife and they want to have sex with you and if you don't then you're a tease and just lying because otherwise you'd fuck them too. You try to tell them there is more to it and they can't get past wanting to get off.
Well stated
We encounter this a lot as well. People have a hard time not taking it personally if there's no attraction or chemistry. My wife and I will be cordial and polite with anyone, but we (and especially, she) don't just automatically get naked with everyone we meet. A lot of people in the lifestyle seem to expect that because we are open, that must mean DTF anything with a pulse. If my wife isn't into someone, often they'll decide she's "stuck up" or that she "doesn't know what she wants." No, dude, she's just not as thirsty as you are, likes to make a connection first, and you're not doing it for her.
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SanDiegoBlack
Male
As a man, I like to hear this! I'd prefer a woman who is particular in what and who she wants. In fact, there are guys who go out of their way to be well groomed, respectful, and have the ability to carry a conversation, etc., all in pursuit of a woman who appreciates those traits. If she chooses me, fine. If not, I'm not going to hold a grudge against her. I'd rather have that than a woman who drops the panties for anyone!
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Now that's what I'm talking about! Awesome!
We've met a lot of great friends in the lifestyle, even ones that didn't turn into playmates. And the ones that have are all still folks we're super glad to have met. The ones who became repeats have gotten to experience the thrill of getting to know the primal side of my wife, and all involved get better at making things even hotter for everyone.
I'm not gonna sit here and try to claim my wife isn't into hooking up if it feels like a good match. She definitely is. And she's not trying to waste anybody's time making them text endlessly. But she definitely has standards, and we both prefer people with some experience or understanding of lifestyle etiquette, who understand how to make a human connection. That works a lot better for us than fast hookup culture.
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Another thought: There was a thread on here recently, where a black man was encouraging fellow black men to up their standards. I chimed in saying "I think this is great advice for everybody." I was reminded the thread wasn't directed at me, and told my input was akin to saying "all lives matter." Which was a fair point. Wasn't trying to appropriate a thread that wasn't asking for input from white couples, let alone the male half, so I ducked out.
But your reply here much more eloquently illustrates the point I was trying to make. Who wants to be with someone who has no standards? It's better for everyone if people are clear about what they want and don't want, and can speak freely about whether they are feeling a connection with someone. People who are secure, who value themselves and their own desires, who understand that not everyone needs to be a sexual partner for there to be mutual respect, decorum, even (gasp!) friendship? THOSE are the people that make the lifestyle so fun and rewarding, in my humble opinion. Thanks so much for your thoughtful replies!
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