Tips for Aspiring Cucks on How to Tell Your Wife About Your Fantasy (Part 1: My experience)

[Wife4Black77]

Multiple parts because what I write can get long & overwhelming.
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I know of what I speak. You may say “my wife or girlfriend is so conservative/prudish she will freak the fuck out if I bring this up.” Well my experience should give you hope. I told my wife about my fantasy when I realized I loved her, & her me, & I was planning to ask her to marry me. I was nervous AF but being nervous & scared of the unknown & possible rejection, is far better than not sharing something so important to you & your happiness & then living with that soul draining regret. I promised myself after I was too scared to come clean with a prior GF I loved (who would have obliged had I been courageous enough to share it), that with the next person I fell in love with, I wouldn’t make the same mistake. Going into that conversation with my now wife, looking from the outside, with all available information on hand, it seemed destined to go very poorly.

At the time I met her she:

- Was 34, divorced after a 7 year marriage,
- Had three, maybe 4 sex partners before me & had never had an orgasm.
- Had only dated white guys, none she would describe as well hung, & said she wasn’t attracted to black guys (during the conversation about my fantasy)
- Raised strict Catholic, strict parents who didn’t approve of their daughters dating in high school & weren’t thrilled about the same when they were in college.
- She had never given nor received oral sex, & told me after we started dating she had no intention of that ever changing. I told her straight up it would have to change or we were done. She came around, now she’s good with both.
- Had no interest in, nor any experience with: sex toys, porn, sex talk, role play etc.
- VERY uncomfortable talking about anything sexual out of the bedroom & 90% of the time in the bedroom.

Early in our dating life she asked me if her limited sexual experience was going to be an issue for me. I told her that if she had a positive attitude & was willing to try new things it wasn’t a problem at all. She seemed very relieved & said yes, she was willing to try new things. Well, in reality she lied about that last part. As a matter of fact, the prohibition about oral sex she threw down came AFTER she said she was willing to try new things.

One other reason why sharing my fantasy seemed like a long shot with respect to her receiving it well, I once asked her when we had sex, thinking it was a softball question, “Does my getting turned on & seeing me experience pleasure turn you on?” Her response was “No, not really.” That one was more than a head scratcher, it was deflating.

Anyway, even though I had years to think through how I would bring this up & what I might say, it was still very stressful & not super easy to get out. (Side note about why I had years to perfect my approach: I dated a handful of women in the years between my girlfriend who the fantasy started with & my wife, but because I didn’t love them or form a close emotional connection the fantasy was never in play.) I made it clear, “It would be extremely hot if this happened in real life, but I have no expectations of you doing this for real. BUT it’s my fantasy, turns me on incredibly, and I do want some sex talk & role play around it.”

After I gave my whole spiel, she was kind of quiet, & I looked very closely, carefully at her facial expressions. She was looking at me and just kind of softly smiling, maybe understanding how incredibly difficult it was to tell her something she knew was embarrassing for me, or maybe because she thought my fantasy could have been far worse/more extreme. I said, “That was very tough to share & put myself out there like that, but you mean everything to me & I want to share my life with you, so I felt I needed you to know and if I couldn’t trust you enough to share this with you, that would be pretty sad. Do you think I’m weird?” “No I don’t think you’re weird.” “Do you think it’s disgusting? I was worried about how you would take all of this.”

To my huge relief she said, “No I’m not disgusted. But I just want to be clear, this is your fantasy & not mine. I’m not really attracted to black guys anyway, but even if I was, I’m never going to do this in real life.”

Was her response all I wished it would be? Of course not. But it was finally out there. My wife knew my deepest, darkest secret, and she didn’t run for the hills, didn’t scream, freak out, or want to “take a break.” I think a large part of why she took it in stride, still loved me, still wanted to be close & affectionate with me after this confession, is because of my approach & messaging that I really, really prepared carefully for. Next Part 2: Caveats, prepping yourself for the conversation, etc.

 

[Wife4Black77]

Not to stress husbands and boyfriends out, but as the saying goes, “you have one shot to make a good impression.” Your chances for success go from “fair at best but usually not great” to “terrible” if you chunk this initial, extremely important conversation.

With that said,

Caveats to consider:
1. As mentioned in part 1, my flavor of the fantasy is pretty vanilla in the interracial cuckolding landscape. My advice applies pretty well to others who share my flavor. If your kink & fetishes are considered more extreme from a general societal standpoint, there’s going to be less applicability. I can’t give much advice to these folks because my “turns me on” wiring is very different, but I will say, start slow, introduce the parts of the fantasy that you think will be less objectionable, then in the course of time, if that first part went well, slowly start hinting at the other themes that get you off. Hopefully you can find husbands who got their wives into your flavor of the kink and they can help you with advice that is relevant for your situation.

2. If your relationship is not strong or you are having issues that won’t be helped by divulging your fantasy, wait until you are on more stable ground. If communication generally has been an issue in your relationship this probably isn’t the topic you want to use to work on that dynamic.

3. Pick the right time. It was easier for me at the time because we didn’t have k-i-d-s. But know that your wife may have 100 things going on in her mind at any given point. So plan to set aside some time when you have her undivided attention. I probably wouldn’t have this initial conversation if you are on some expensive vacation, because that amps up the pressure, & if she needs time to process what you have shared it could introduce some tension during a time you were both looking forward to to just rest and enjoy. If you have k-i-d-s, I would find a time & place when your k-i-d-s aren’t with you. If the k-i-d-s are under the same roof, her responsible mommy hat never comes off & this conversation should be as far removed from that role as possible. If she drinks or is 420 friendly not a bad idea to partake a little to loosen inhibitions & get her relaxed. Don’t overdue it because you want her mostly clear headed during the conversation.

4. If you are a good wannabe cuck, & acutely attuned to her likes, wants, desires, needs, as well as her dislikes, worries, fears, turn offs, then this part shouldn’t be that hard. When you are thinking about what you are going to say, put yourself in her shoes & really think how she would likely react to each thing you say. Don’t go in hoping or praying she is going to just flip on the “porn wife” switch & say, “Oh thank god! Now that you mention it black guys are hot & a bigger cock probably will bring me more pleasure than I have ever had with you!” Turn off your porn brain all together. It’s all about your wife. Every point or message has to be precisely tailored to maximize the chances she will be receptive or at least not repulsed, or scared or freaked out. This is the first foray on the topic so don’t swing for the fences by trying to tie in how your fantasy kind of relates to some of her turn ons. Let her make those connections on her own, later as she is processing what you have told her. She will be most interested in more basic needs & questions: “Why does he want this? Why does he want to give me away or share me with a stranger? How does him telling me this affect me?” If you put your concentrated focus on her, her needs, wants, desires, fears, insecurities etc. it is probably the biggest component of a successful approach out of everything I mention. Communication is an art form & extremely powerful. It’s why some guys who may look no better than you can talk the pants off many women. They understand their target & what they are looking for. It’s still communicating your desires & what you need, but like a top notch marketing company you need to expertly tailor your message based on your target audience. Now let’s sell some product!

5. If you value your relationship more than anything, which is pretty likely given the fact that many are scared to death to tell their partners about their fantasy, make that part of your messaging.

6. You are trying to get your foot in door with respect to this fantasy, & keeping her from freaking out. Don’t try to go from zero to 100MPH by insisting or suggesting she do this in real life. Stress that this is your fantasy & makes you hot. Just because someone has a fantasy doesn’t mean it has to happen or should in real life. The goal is to make her aware of your fantasy, play around with it, & hopefully she enjoys playing with it & quickly realizes lightning didn’t strike her dead, & there was no nun nor critical parent in the room slut shaming her. If she can orgasm to your fantasy it will go a really long way towards getting her thinking about black men in a way that she probably never has before. Trust me when I tell you my wife’s attitude shift towards the attractiveness of black men likely happened when she had her first intense orgasm on her big black toy (very first time we played with it) as I whispered IR themed sex talk in her ear.

Next Part 3, the messaging I used.

 

[Wife4Black77]

Some of the messaging was what I used during this first conversation, the remainder were things that I told her later when I learned more about my fantasy and/or discovered something I thought might help her get more comfortable with it. Use what makes sense given your wife/girlfriend & your situation. Tweak or disregard the rest.

- I stressed how difficult it is to be this open & honest because it’s kind of embarrassing to admit it turns me on. I only decided to do so because I love her, trust her, & I look at her as my life partner. I have never felt close enough to anyone in my past to be this open and honest.

- The fantasy is super hot to me, but thinking about doing this in real life is freaking scary because I don’t want to lose the woman I love to another man. If I thought that was a real possibility I would never want to risk losing her because she means that much to me.

- My fantasy is in no way a ruse or a way to give me an opportunity to be with other women. I don’t want to be with other women. She is all I want and I fantasize only about her.

- Why the fantasy turns me on: The color contrast is sexy; the taboo nature- a sweet, proper, faithful wife isn’t supposed to give herself to & lust after, a well hung black man; Penis envy that generates sexualized anxiety; Sperm Competition (if you think she will think the term is gross maybe just say “competition”) I learned that researchers have consistently found in animals they have studied if a male of a couple sees his female have sex with another male, or believes the female recently has done so, a biological drive kicks in which compels the male to have sex with the female. The sex is more vigorous/intense, sperm production increases, & the orgasms are more powerful. The goal is to out compete the other male & to decrease the chances the other male will impregnate his female. (May be too much for your woman but you can also explain that the shape of the human penis, I.e. mushroom, is designed to work like a plunger to displace his rival’s semen). Yes I am a man, not an *******, but biology is biology & the thought of another man fucking her makes me want to have her soooo bad, crazy horny, which jives with the research; Compersion is when a person gets enjoyment from someone else experiencing joy. The thought of her having amazing, mind blowing, toe curling sex makes me so incredibly turned on. The more pleasure she gets the more pleasure it gives me; It also turns me on so much to think of my cute, sexy wife struggle with the conflict between trying to be the good, sweet, proper, faithful wife & wanting so bad the immense, forbidden pleasure she will receive from a well hung black man.

- This is a VERY common fantasy, believe it or not. Probably related to the competition theory, men are very competitive. Yes, men don’t freely admit to having this fantasy, because it seems very “un manly” to let your wife fuck another man. A “stereotypical” man in society’s eyes would want to physically harm the other man & possibly his wife, protect “what’s his.” However, there was a published Kinsey (anonymous) sex survey within the last few years which found that 56% of the husbands they surveyed said they fantasized about their wives having sex with another man. (I didn’t mention this to my wife but Cuckold porn is also one of the fastest growing genres of porn)

- Why specifically black men? Touched on earlier with regard to color contrast & taboo nature, but the reputation of black men for being very well hung, naturally dominant, & renown for their sexual prowess puts them at the pinnacle when it comes to sexual competition, which again is what gets me & other men so hot.

- Of all the fantasies out there that husbands typically have, a threesome with two women, the waitress at their favorite lunch time spot, a sexy coworker, a ******, ra-pe fantasy, all focus exclusively on the husband’s pleasure, my fantasy is all about her receiving incredible pleasure. If she didn’t enjoy the experience in real life, I would not enjoy it at all. The fantasy would fall apart.

- The other aspect of this fantasy that makes it unusual, is that it only works when I love the person I am with. I dated other women before her but because I didn’t love them or have a deep emotional connection, the fantasy just didn’t work. It’s about sexualized anxiety. It ramps up the intensity so much. If a black guy fucked a woman I was just dating & she left me for him, I’d be disappointed that I have to find someone else to date, but generally I’d be, “Rock on. You do you.” But if the woman I loved left me for the black man she was fucking, it would be emotionally devastating. It makes the competition & the stakes involved very intense.

- Other positives, when I fantasize it always involves her & her pleasure nothing or no one else (in terms of another woman). So if she catches me jerking off she knows what I am thinking about & she is at the center of my sexual universe. Also, other men can fulfill their fantasies by cheating on their wives. Because my fantasy requires me to love the woman I fantasize about, it’s not something I can fulfill by stepping out of our marriage.

- She is in complete control with respect to this fantasy. She decides what if anything happens. I would never for-ce her to do anything she doesn’t want nor doesn’t feel safe doing. The only favor I ask, an act of generosity, don’t say, “I will never do this in real life.” That kills the fantasy. Again she has complete control, nothing happens unless she wants it to. She can THINK “I will never do this in real life” but I would appreciate her not verbalizing that so I can fully enjoy the fantasy in my mind. When it comes to Fight Club, the only rule is “never talk about Fight Club,” the one rule of Improv, “never say NO,” & when it comes to sexual fantasies, never say, “I will never do that in real life.” Again it’s a kindness & generosity I am asking for from the woman I love.

- Fantasies are meant to be fun & exciting & playful. She is the love of my life & I want her to be my partner & playmate for life.

- Because I find this fantasy so incredibly hot, my most intense fantasy ever, and I never felt comfortable sharing this with anyone before her, as a result she has the ability to blow my mind sexually like no one I have ever been with before. It was incredibly difficult being this open and honest with her, but getting all this out there and giving her the keys to the castle feels kind of freeing and also exciting.

I hope all this information has been helpful & that you can use it as inspiration & also a practical guide to approaching your wife about your fantasy. Remember, there are no dress rehearsals in life, this is it. Also, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Last piece of advice, regrets about what you should have done to be happy or successful are just horrible & serve as recurring nightmares.

If you approach this & message this appropriately, you aren’t coming at this selfishly, or ******* on sexual impulses, but rather as a real loving partner who is opening up to their wife in a way they have never done with anyone previously. And they are doing so because they deeply love their wife, trust her enough to be vulnerable which is fucking hard for us guys, and the fantasy centers on HER pleasure which is freaking cool & loving. Wishing you all the best. Would love to hear feedback from anyone who gives it a shot. Post questions here or DM me.

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Note 1: I didn’t use the term cuckold at all when sharing my fantasy. It’s not wrong to do so BUT if you use that term, even if you define it well, realize there is a good chance your wife or girlfriend will look up cuckold porn. If your flavor of this lifestyle is vanilla like me you better be very clear with her that:
1. Most cuckold porn (the staged or ‘professional’ videos) is absolutely terrible & not a good depiction of what it’s really like. There are some accurate & erotic depictions of the dynamic but she will only find that in real amateur videos. However, the cuckold lifestyle is pretty broad & there are some extremes that really turn me off too so she needs to be wary.
2. I am not gay nor bi nor do I want to do anything with the other guys. Although that’s not the case with every man in this lifestyle that stuff is a total turn off to me. The only possible contact when I am present would be with her.
3. Some men in this lifestyle wear cages on their cocks, & dress in bras & panties. Again, it’s a broad spectrum of people in the lifestyle but these are other things I also want nothing to do with.
4. The above might be enough to let her know that whatever she might see online might not apply to you, but if you really want to be specific you should also mention your opinion on cream pies (only if you are opposed, if that turns you on say nothing & see if she brings it up later), same for race play (involving the N word), writing, and humiliation etc.


Note 2: The “key to the castle” factor was a powerful determinant behind why I had to have a “come to Jesus” discussion with my wife and tell her last September that I needed more from her or I may have to leave her. Her lack of generosity around role playing and sex talk around my fantasy (a combo of her recalcitrant inhibitions and hang ups, but also menopause making sex painful for her) was causing a real strain in our marriage. I found myself angry a lot, and I’d snap at her even when she asked a simple question. I have chronic pain so that was usually where my mind went when looking for reasons for my temper, but after some reflection, I realized I wasn’t snapping at my *******. Then it hit me, I was angry, and hurt and really resentful. I had given my wife the keys to the Ferrari (that’s the term I used for it when discussing with her on a few occasions prior to this very serious discussion), had given her the inside scoop on how to bring me immense joy, pleasure, satisfaction, happiness, connectedness, excitement, passion…..EVERYTHING, and her response was basically “no thanks.” How can you give that gift to someone, and they profess their love to you, but they don’t care enough, and those things that mean so much to you don’t to her? Of course I was feeling all those negative feelings. I shared my epiphany with my therapist, & she said the most important attributes of a successful, thriving marriage are generosity & empathy. It was clear I felt those were lacking big time in my marriage.

So I did some soul searching, & I thought back to my prior relationships, both where I was in love & those where I was dating but not in love, & I asked myself two questions: Would that person be open & willing to role play, use IR themed sex talk, & toys? If the answer to that question was yes, do I think they would do it in real life based on their playfulness, attitudes about sex, the somewhat related themes we played with (I.e. the other man, but not black at that time), & their generosity in the bedroom? Of the 3 women I loved previously to my wife (one we had an immature relationship sexually in high school so didn’t count that one) two would have not only been cool with role playing, sex talk etc. I am 99.9% certain they would have totally gone for doing my fantasy in real life. Of the rest of the people I dated two would have gone all the way, & more than half of the rest would have been cool with the fantasy play but it was less certain if they would have made my fantasy come true.

I thought long and hard and realized because of this factor and how important this was to me, it wasn’t just a “sex” thing. It went deeper. Her not showing up for me in the way I needed her, and her lack of generosity made me deeply unhappy. I knew if I divorced her, because I need love not just to get married but to make the fantasy work, I would have to start over from scratch at 58. Far from ideal, but I am a great catch, I’m decent looking, have a big heart, am very giving, adventurous, and have a great sense of humor. I had no issues finding women to date, and I found love once in my teens, twice in my twenties, and finally with my wife when I was 33. I know if I had to I could do it again. It would be a very distant second choice to getting what I needed from the current love of my life, but I wasn’t scared if that didn’t happen. I had told my wife during this serious talk, “If you can’t be there for me in the way I need, it doesn’t mean that you are wrong or bad, and I am right and good, it just means we are not compatible. It would be extremely painful to end our marriage and it would suck for our ******* and family, but I need someone who loves me for me, all of me.” It wasn’t pleasant, and there was a lot of emotion, but in the end she professed a willingness to try to be more open, more free and playful with my fantasy role play, and the sex talk, and for her to be honest with me and herself that yes the fantasy does really turn her on. It wasn’t just her willingness she has backed it up with actions. It’s been a lot of fun, she is opening up more and actually feeling more willing to ask for what she wants in bed when she wouldn’t have done so before. It’s not perfect but I can really appreciate her openness to be there for me in the way I need her to. I told her I wasn’t expecting an overnight conversion, but given my age I can’t just trust that things will work out “over time” (I have been waiting for this kind of growth & openness for the last 25 years) so I said we will need to re-evaluate in six months. It’s unfortunate that it took me seriously threatening an end to our marriage for her to be willing to work through and overcome her long standing hang ups. To be clear I have never “moved the goalposts.” She knew about my fantasy and expectations before we even married. My expectations have never included her fulfilling my fantasy in real life.