Should I find other women? My wife and I have been together for about 10 years and when we started dating and even a few years into our marriage we would have sex a few times a day. Lately we’ve only been having sex about once a week but my drive is still ridiculously high and I still want to fuck 24/7 but she’s not feeling it. I’m not saying she’s not horny anymore but it’s usually at times when it’s impractical. Like when we’re in a public place completely away from a safe place. The problem is if I’m horny when I come home from work, when I wake up, or in the middle of the day she’s not feeling it. Should I try to adapt to her or should I find something else on the side to fulfill my urges when she’s not available or when she’s not into it? Earlier in our relationship I turned to other women to keep me content but I don’t want to be dishonest anymore. I’ve even considered making a profile on dating sites to get some satisfaction on the side. I love her but honestly I need more. What should I do? I feel weird even asking on here but I feel it’s one of the only places I can get honest answers. Opinions from men and women are welcome.
Should I find other women?
- Thread starter blackdickbilly
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Sorry you totally lost me at “usually at times when it’s impractical.” Maybe your wife is trying to add a little spark, which ultimately would revive your sex life. Sex in public places. Sounds like a keeper to me!
Let me elaborate. By impractical I mean grabbing my dick through my jeans while we’re following the hostess to seat us at a crowded restaurant. Not really sure what I’m supposed to do at that point. But by the time we finish eating and we get in the car she’s not in the mood anymore. I’m like wtf!? I understand if she’s trying to add some spark but bruh. I can’t pull my dick out at Applebee’s for her to suck it!!! Lol
Good question. I’ve considered talking to her about it but honestly because of things that have happened in the past I don’t want her to say that I’m comparing her to women in the past and getting mad, saying some ******* like “I’m sorry I can’t be like (fill in the blank).” I guess it’s my own fault I can’t feel comfortable having these conversations anymore. Thanks for your reply though and I’ll keep it in mind
Sex is incredibly important in a marriage, I do get your frustration. But there's no excuse for cheating, if you truly love your partner then you shouldn't be able to betray them by going behind their back.
It sounds like you guys have communication issues which a ton of intimacy issues can end up stemming from. I'd recommend working on that first because it honestly might improve your sex life just as a byproduct.
Brotha. Talk to her and let her know how you feeling. If she doesn’t get on the program find you some side pussy. Ppl cheat and you have a good reason.
Thanks for elaborating. I agree, it’s impractical and an inappropriate time to suddenly have the urge. Reading into that a little more could translate to an attempt to show interest when she’s very sure it wouldn’t
be possible to follow through.
Reading some of the comments and your responses it seems at this point communicating your feelings is what’s required here. At least that way you know you tired. Even if those negative comments come out on her part, you took the right steps and did everything right.
Good luck!
This relationship definitely needs some open and honest communication about sex, it sounds like you are both still interested, but for some reason you can’t sync up.
And whatever you do don’t compare her to other women, or just tell her she isn’t doing enough for you, you need to find a way to make sex a fun adventure together again where you find mutual interests and joy, it sounds like there is a lot of pent up frustration and insecurities instead.
And whatever you do don’t compare her to other women, or just tell her she isn’t doing enough for you, you need to find a way to make sex a fun adventure together again where you find mutual interests and joy, it sounds like there is a lot of pent up frustration and insecurities instead.
I appreciate all the responses. I’ll admit I’m not the best at communicating sometimes and she’s not stellar either because sometimes she’ll just shutdown if the conversation isn’t going her way. But we need to get over this. I’ll try talking to her today. We’ll see how it goes
How did it go? Talking directly about these issues is paramount in a rel. But if it doesn't work and you can't agree on new arrangements, cheating and living a lie seems to me a waste of time.
Sorry I’ve been a ghost on here. I talked to wifey and there were some issues that had her feeling a little depressed and she thought I didn’t care. Most of her issues were family related (her family always has crazy drama going on, plus there’s been a few deaths) and she was also dealing with stress from recently cutting ties with some of her friends. Apparently I didn’t seem to be affected by the deaths of her relatives and she really didn’t say much about cutting her friends off until we talked. To be fair I probably get over things quicker than most people. So although I showed the same amount of emotion that I would if I was dealing with heartbreak etc, to her it seemed like I didn’t care. Long story short, things aren’t back to how they were in the early days but they’re much better than they were.
If you are thinking about having sex with another black woman, that probably would not be understood by your black wife as being nothing more than cheating on her. On the other hand, if you want to fuck the hot wife of a white boi, your wife might understand that you are filling an urge that many black men have. In the latter case, you will go back to her. In the former, you might leave her.
my wife is just like that!
It's not withholding sex and of course it's OK. What a person has between his/her legs belongs to only that person. You can't expect or make someone feel something s/he doesn't feel. Of course, saying no can lead to other possibilities for the horny-but-unsatisfied partner.
A black women who would be more OK with her man fucking a white woman than a black woman. That's hilarious!
My wife and I went through this. We love each other and had an active sex life, then she got sick. After cancer, chemo, etc., she simply lost her desire for sex. (Sex between us was always somewhat uncomfortable for us both: She couldn't take the full monty, and I had to be careful so I wouldn't hurt her.) She's completely well now. Yay!
We're still affectionate but not sexual. I have an incredibly high libido but no outlet. Eventually we talked about it and SHE suggested I find pleasure elsewhere, but:
1) Be discreet. None or our friends can know and she doesn't want to know.
2) Spend MY money on this; not ours
This is something that can be worked out.
Dude, some women do this when they know you CAN'T do anything, like the smaller kid struggling with those holding him back from attacking the bigger kid. The smaller kid doesn't really want to go up against the bigger kid and get creamed; just want to look like s/he does.
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