Nice description of feeling
You ask what do I feel?
I feel, all over again and every time, the sense of cruel and total marital dispossession that overwhelmed me the very first time my beautiful then 19 year-old young black buddy ejaculated in my wife the night I fearfully introduced him to her and he stripped off beside our bed before fucking her on it with me lying open-mouthed and masturbating frantically at the glorious spectacle.
On that occasion he went on to fuck her bareback three more times before midnight and twice after she woke him up wanting him again and reaching over to caress his colossal morning erection just before the dawn light came through window to bathe their still uncovered naked bodies.
What distressed and at the same time excited me the most each time he ejaculated in her was the sight of his thick white youngman's semen being pumped back up around the root of his balls-deep-buried orgasmically jerking root of his monstrously expanded cock. It was so erotically entrancing and overwhelmingly envy-making for me that I lost every bit of self-control and orgasmed shamelessly and very loudly stroking myself off beside them.
Since that fateful night seven years ago my responses to watching him ejaculate in her have got ever more thrilling albeit emotionally devastating for me to the point where every time my buddy begins to fuck her beside me I find myself weighing my intensely voyeuristic pleasure-taking throughout their spectacular lovemaking against the emotional fallout and mercifully transient excruciating pain of the sense of total sexual dispossession and abject inadequacy that assails me during the always tumultuous finish of their fuck.
Thankfully the pleasure usually triumphs over the pain. But only just.
So I keep on watching their beautiful matings and torturing myself, the combined effect of which is so erotically trippy for me that when my time comes I want to die from the excruciating pleasure of it, preferably when my buddy is hollering heaven-ward as he excutes his custard strokes.
