I (husband) am similar. I keep her happy and if she is going to play w someone else, it had better be bigger than me. We didn’t use toys to see if she could take a bigger guy. She just found one and enjoyed the hell out of it. She’s had a few now (all pictured within our post).
I also have a hot wife I play w who is also a size queen, but indifferent on the IR play. I changed her mind on our last date by bringing in a bull friend. On our next date I a 9” dildo and used it on her. She took it all and loved it.
In ref to the original post - blindfolds and dirty talk work great. You can go a step further and use the dildo in lieu of your cock as you simulate fucking her. Make sure it’s warm first and you can even go w a condom (assuming you plan on playing safe) for a real sensation of what she might feel. If your out in public, have her point out attractive guys. Tease her with thoughts about what she should do w him, what you want to see and then maybe use it during sex later.
Have fun. It’s amazing for both of you.