How many couples improve their relationship after real experiences and how many break up?

[Report]

Okay, I’ll join in. But first, a bit of background. I was first ‘spaded’ about six years ago. Since that time, four Black guys have had me. Two long term situations and two one nighters. When it happened, we had been married for 14 years.

What changed you asked? Someone said communications, communications, communications, and when you’re done communicating, do it again. Yes, your relationship will change, but in what direction is up to you.

Communications. It took us six weeks for us to finally talk about it. I thought he was somehow embarrassed or felt jealously. He thought that I was embarrassed and didn’t want to discuss it. When we finally did, we were both stunned to discover that we both enjoyed it!

Communications. You say you both want it. Want what? Your ‘wants’ may be vastly different from hers. You may want to watch and take pictures. She may want to be alone. You may want this to be a frequent thing, she may want it to happen occasionally. You may want her to take him bare, she may want him to wear condoms. Sit down when you both have plenty of time and with pen and paper in front of the both of you, outline expectations. What you want and what she wants. Then compare notes.

Communications. Sit down and discuss rules! Rules are important as they outline the limits you’re both willing to work within. We came up with seven that work for us:

• Working together, agree upon prospects on the internet (there are a host of Adult dating sites out there – use them!)
• If prospect appears good to the BOTH of you, agree upon a purely social meeting. Bar and Grill is a nice location. Have bite to eat, see how everyone interacts, but don’t do anything intimate after that initial meeting!
• On drive home and the next day, discuss him. What did you think of him, what did she think of him. If you both agree, then it’s time for the next step. If you don’t, move on to another prospect. Her rejection may be as simple as “I didn’t feel comfortable with him.” Good enough. Don’t try and convince her otherwise.
• Meet only at a hotel/motel. Why?
  • No towels or sheets to clean up afterwards.
  • Neighbors won’t see strange Black men entering and leaving your home at all hours of the day and night.
  • No danger of a relative or friend coming over unexpectedly.
  • His house may be rigged with cameras, may not be clean or ‘friends’ may come over unexpectedly.
  • Do you want a relative stranger finding out where you live and what stuff you have?
• We insist upon my husband being there for at least the first few times. You don’t know how this guy may act if he gets you (the wife) alone. Trust me on this – experience speaking here!
• If condoms are to be used, bring your own. Men have been known to poke holes in condoms causing them to break. If you bring them yourself, you know they’re good.
• If no condoms, have him and you get tested before becoming intimate. Any health clinic or family doctor will do it for a nominal fee. We’ve never experienced a potential partner saying ‘No’ to that request.

I started this essay with the concept of communications. All the above revolves around strong communications between you and your wife. If you follow these recommendations, I can assure you that any ‘changes’ in your relationship will not come as a surprise as all the dirty laundry will be there, on the table before you, long before you become committed and something happens that you’ll regret later on.

Speaking for ourselves, it has done nothing but change our relationship for the better in so many ways! Hubby and I have sex together much more frequently. We’re much more in tune with one another, we enjoy doing things a lot more, and finally we both enjoy it.

Hope you found this useful. Best of luck!

Donna

You write some amazing posts. Very well written and comes from real experience. I'm a wannabe cuck, but have been reading about this lifestyle for years. I would also add that I think agreeing to only play together as a couple is the most sensible way to approach this lifestyle. The idea of a wife playing alone and having a "boyfriend" sounds hot, but I think this is really playing with fire in a relationship.

 

[AnnieS]

The interracial thing turns us both on in theory - but we haven't ever done any real swinging. What happens if I like it and turns out he doesn't? You mentioned your husband didn't like your first experience. Would you have been OK with him saying "thats it, we tried" at that point? What if I really like it and he really doesn't... I'm just saying its a bit of a Pandora's box you are opening - there's no telling what could happen - and we already have a great sex life - and, more importantly, a great family together that I am concerned about risking. We may fall into the category of people that need to stay "soft swingers" and get off on the sharing of pics, etc like Blkallover mentioned above.

Thats a good start. Move slow, There is no rush. Our first time- if my husband said that was it. It was awful. I would not have brought it up again and we would never have pursued the second. We talked about it. I talked about how I felt- it was odd to tell him it really turned me on and that the guy made me cum so hard. But he was open and it turned him on seeing me in bliss. He wasn't sure how to feel and honestly when we do a swing with him and another women I bet I will feel the same way honestly. But we know what turns each other on . He plays me like a harmonica and knows my weakness is the BBC. He will play with me and we wont talk about it for months then one day I will get up for work and one of my spades will be on the counter in the bathroom with a note- "mark it" and I do and the whole day my pussy is on fire thinking about it. I'll get home and he will play with me, eat me, tease me talking about it and I lose my mind. He loves that it turns me on so much and uses that to his betterment and I know that he enjoys fucking me in a MMF situation, which I absolutely go nuts for. He is an outstanding lover and photographer so while we are playing he will get up and take some shots of me being with my bull and after the fact we will go over them and I'm soaked again. So we use it to enhance our sex life but we were very very very big on communication and boundaries. If he said tomorrow I have had enough I dont want to do this anymore- I am done. Simple as that. I dont "need" it. I like it. I need my husband.

 

[mrandmrsbusty]

We always had a solid relationship,, but can honestly say that since we moved into this lifestyle we have become even stronger

 

[OCRAW]

He is useless now

 

[utahwimp22]

Our relationship is so much better now. Stronger than ever. The only downside is I do not get to penetrate her.

 

[mywayintermsofsex]

He is useless now

 

[yngnkky]

We have found being in this lifestyle has really enhanced our relationship and our sex life. Obviously, for me sex with black men and hubby is constantly aroused so more sex with hubby as well. Win win

 

[econojam]

Okay, I’ll join in. But first, a bit of background. I was first ‘spaded’ about six years ago. Since that time, four Black guys have had me. Two long term situations and two one nighters. When it happened, we had been married for 14 years.

What changed you asked? Someone said communications, communications, communications, and when you’re done communicating, do it again. Yes, your relationship will change, but in what direction is up to you.

Communications. It took us six weeks for us to finally talk about it. I thought he was somehow embarrassed or felt jealously. He thought that I was embarrassed and didn’t want to discuss it. When we finally did, we were both stunned to discover that we both enjoyed it!

Communications. You say you both want it. Want what? Your ‘wants’ may be vastly different from hers. You may want to watch and take pictures. She may want to be alone. You may want this to be a frequent thing, she may want it to happen occasionally. You may want her to take him bare, she may want him to wear condoms. Sit down when you both have plenty of time and with pen and paper in front of the both of you, outline expectations. What you want and what she wants. Then compare notes.

Communications. Sit down and discuss rules! Rules are important as they outline the limits you’re both willing to work within. We came up with seven that work for us:

• Working together, agree upon prospects on the internet (there are a host of Adult dating sites out there – use them!)
• If prospect appears good to the BOTH of you, agree upon a purely social meeting. Bar and Grill is a nice location. Have bite to eat, see how everyone interacts, but don’t do anything intimate after that initial meeting!
• On drive home and the next day, discuss him. What did you think of him, what did she think of him. If you both agree, then it’s time for the next step. If you don’t, move on to another prospect. Her rejection may be as simple as “I didn’t feel comfortable with him.” Good enough. Don’t try and convince her otherwise.
• Meet only at a hotel/motel. Why?
  • No towels or sheets to clean up afterwards.
  • Neighbors won’t see strange Black men entering and leaving your home at all hours of the day and night.
  • No danger of a relative or friend coming over unexpectedly.
  • His house may be rigged with cameras, may not be clean or ‘friends’ may come over unexpectedly.
  • Do you want a relative stranger finding out where you live and what stuff you have?
• We insist upon my husband being there for at least the first few times. You don’t know how this guy may act if he gets you (the wife) alone. Trust me on this – experience speaking here!
• If condoms are to be used, bring your own. Men have been known to poke holes in condoms causing them to break. If you bring them yourself, you know they’re good.
• If no condoms, have him and you get tested before becoming intimate. Any health clinic or family doctor will do it for a nominal fee. We’ve never experienced a potential partner saying ‘No’ to that request.

I started this essay with the concept of communications. All the above revolves around strong communications between you and your wife. If you follow these recommendations, I can assure you that any ‘changes’ in your relationship will not come as a surprise as all the dirty laundry will be there, on the table before you, long before you become committed and something happens that you’ll regret later on.

Speaking for ourselves, it has done nothing but change our relationship for the better in so many ways! Hubby and I have sex together much more frequently. We’re much more in tune with one another, we enjoy doing things a lot more, and finally we both enjoy it.

Hope you found this useful. Best of luck!

Donna

If I could like this post 100 times, I would.

 

[AnnieS]

Well you aren't going to find anyone on this site that will address the relationships that imploded. This is a fetish site, and most everyone here loves this lifestyle. One thing is for sure, there is no going back to fidelity once you have agreed to break that vow.

That’s a huge assumption and this site at least to me is chock full of failed relationships with the male now “trolling” the site to feed his fetish that went wrong for many of the reasons listed. Fidelity is much more than sex MisterM. This lifestyle has a lifespan, it’s not forever and when it’s over then fidelity certainly is and can be found. I don’t live this “lifestyle” on a daily basis. It’s a treat here and there. I have no plans to be a “hotwife” when I’m 63

 

[MaddieM]

Change is going to happen but it can be positive or negative. There are a few things you will have to see if you can deal with such as jealousy and regret. I would recommend talking about trying something with another partner after you two have had sex and come down from being horny. I would also recommend starting with something like a threesome or some small swinging before doing anything to crazy.

 

[Happy sussex]

We had been married for thirty years when my wife finally gave in to going black, we had a very strong marriage but sexually things had changed as neither of us were over sexual anymore, now it’s the opposite she has become very sexual both in her dress and mind since she now gets so much satisfaction from her BBC lover . Neither of us are sexually frustrated anymore as she gets a very deep penetration and a hard fucking from him and his much larger penis and I get to see her taking his very beautiful black cock filing her pussy and listening to her moans and language that she would never use with me when we fucked , I now Believe that both the colour contrast of his black skin against her white skin is an immediate turn on for her and I love to watch as his thick long black cock parts her pussy lips. Then stretching her pink vagina as he slowly penetrates her then when he cums deep in her filling her with his seed and when he finally pulls his cock out seeing her stretched open pussy leaking his cum . What better sight is there

 

[yngnkky]

Our relationship was great before and great afterwards, for a while. She was having sex with a guy for around 3 months then he introduced her to another black guy and it made her want even more.

 

[SCBlknNsty]

@AnnieS
You were spot on talking about communication....I'd like to expand on that. Knowing that a lot of men, maybe they're husbands, let hormones and visualization overwhelm their thinking....communication here is NOT pillow talk! If you're seriously thinking of indulging, take the conversation out of the bedroom, and it would be more fruitful away from home.

Communicating here will REQUIRE both of you to take a risk. That risk is letting go and letting out something every 'normal' experience of your life has told you NOT to say. This is breaking the seal on Pandora's Box, and the pendulum goes both ways; say it and you must deal with where the conversation goes. Don't say it, and you'll know this, and by extension, associations you can no longer talk about. Show me a married guy that wishes his wife would, and I'd bet you there's a wife wondering what the hell is he doing on the computer that makes him change the screen when I come in the room.

As you talk about it, acknowledge your fears and limits and encourage your partner to do the same...it will help finding the rules for the two of you, and your rules don't "have" to match anyone else's. I've met couples where either one did NOT want the other present. Some couples are ok with sex, but no kissing.

If and when you do it, you do need to talk afterwards....keep in mind both of you have a lot of thoughts and emotions brewing. Men, one of the worst things that happens much too frequently is we tend to "interrogate" the woman, usually before she can get a grip-have patience.

 

[AnnieS]

@AnnieS
You were spot on talking about communication....I'd like to expand on that. Knowing that a lot of men, maybe they're husbands, let hormones and visualization overwhelm their thinking....communication here is NOT pillow talk! If you're seriously thinking of indulging, take the conversation out of the bedroom, and it would be more fruitful away from home.

Communicating here will REQUIRE both of you to take a risk. That risk is letting go and letting out something every 'normal' experience of your life has told you NOT to say. This is breaking the seal on Pandora's Box, and the pendulum goes both ways; say it and you must deal with where the conversation goes. Don't say it, and you'll know this, and by extension, associations you can no longer talk about. Show me a married guy that wishes his wife would, and I'd bet you there's a wife wondering what the hell is he doing on the computer that makes him change the screen when I come in the room.

As you talk about it, acknowledge your fears and limits and encourage your partner to do the same...it will help finding the rules for the two of you, and your rules don't "have" to match anyone else's. I've met couples where either one did NOT want the other present. Some couples are ok with sex, but no kissing.

If and when you do it, you do need to talk afterwards....keep in mind both of you have a lot of thoughts and emotions brewing. Men, one of the worst things that happens much too frequently is we tend to "interrogate" the woman, usually before she can get a grip-have patience.

well said and great advice.

 

[Ohcarsea]

Okay, I’ll join in. But first, a bit of background. I was first ‘spaded’ about six years ago. Since that time, four Black guys have had me. Two long term situations and two one nighters. When it happened, we had been married for 14 years.

What changed you asked? Someone said communications, communications, communications, and when you’re done communicating, do it again. Yes, your relationship will change, but in what direction is up to you.

Communications. It took us six weeks for us to finally talk about it. I thought he was somehow embarrassed or felt jealously. He thought that I was embarrassed and didn’t want to discuss it. When we finally did, we were both stunned to discover that we both enjoyed it!

Communications. You say you both want it. Want what? Your ‘wants’ may be vastly different from hers. You may want to watch and take pictures. She may want to be alone. You may want this to be a frequent thing, she may want it to happen occasionally. You may want her to take him bare, she may want him to wear condoms. Sit down when you both have plenty of time and with pen and paper in front of the both of you, outline expectations. What you want and what she wants. Then compare notes.

Communications. Sit down and discuss rules! Rules are important as they outline the limits you’re both willing to work within. We came up with seven that work for us:

• Working together, agree upon prospects on the internet (there are a host of Adult dating sites out there – use them!)
• If prospect appears good to the BOTH of you, agree upon a purely social meeting. Bar and Grill is a nice location. Have bite to eat, see how everyone interacts, but don’t do anything intimate after that initial meeting!
• On drive home and the next day, discuss him. What did you think of him, what did she think of him. If you both agree, then it’s time for the next step. If you don’t, move on to another prospect. Her rejection may be as simple as “I didn’t feel comfortable with him.” Good enough. Don’t try and convince her otherwise.
• Meet only at a hotel/motel. Why?
  • No towels or sheets to clean up afterwards.
  • Neighbors won’t see strange Black men entering and leaving your home at all hours of the day and night.
  • No danger of a relative or friend coming over unexpectedly.
  • His house may be rigged with cameras, may not be clean or ‘friends’ may come over unexpectedly.
  • Do you want a relative stranger finding out where you live and what stuff you have?
• We insist upon my husband being there for at least the first few times. You don’t know how this guy may act if he gets you (the wife) alone. Trust me on this – experience speaking here!
• If condoms are to be used, bring your own. Men have been known to poke holes in condoms causing them to break. If you bring them yourself, you know they’re good.
• If no condoms, have him and you get tested before becoming intimate. Any health clinic or family doctor will do it for a nominal fee. We’ve never experienced a potential partner saying ‘No’ to that request.

I started this essay with the concept of communications. All the above revolves around strong communications between you and your wife. If you follow these recommendations, I can assure you that any ‘changes’ in your relationship will not come as a surprise as all the dirty laundry will be there, on the table before you, long before you become committed and something happens that you’ll regret later on.

Speaking for ourselves, it has done nothing but change our relationship for the better in so many ways! Hubby and I have sex together much more frequently. We’re much more in tune with one another, we enjoy doing things a lot more, and finally we both enjoy it.

Hope you found this useful. Best of luck!

Donna

It's blogs and comments like these that make this site beneficial to the lifestyle. Thank you! Much appreciated Dblinsey!

 

[Just4funn1962]

We are new to this thing, but we love to watch videos, photos amd chat about it. Our fear is that something will chamge in our relationship after a rea experience.
Thanks...

Things can work out perfectly just do your homework pick the right guy or guys

 

[latincouple10]

Okay, I’ll join in. But first, a bit of background. I was first ‘spaded’ about six years ago. Since that time, four Black guys have had me. Two long term situations and two one nighters. When it happened, we had been married for 14 years.

What changed you asked? Someone said communications, communications, communications, and when you’re done communicating, do it again. Yes, your relationship will change, but in what direction is up to you.

Communications. It took us six weeks for us to finally talk about it. I thought he was somehow embarrassed or felt jealously. He thought that I was embarrassed and didn’t want to discuss it. When we finally did, we were both stunned to discover that we both enjoyed it!

Communications. You say you both want it. Want what? Your ‘wants’ may be vastly different from hers. You may want to watch and take pictures. She may want to be alone. You may want this to be a frequent thing, she may want it to happen occasionally. You may want her to take him bare, she may want him to wear condoms. Sit down when you both have plenty of time and with pen and paper in front of the both of you, outline expectations. What you want and what she wants. Then compare notes.

Communications. Sit down and discuss rules! Rules are important as they outline the limits you’re both willing to work within. We came up with seven that work for us:

• Working together, agree upon prospects on the internet (there are a host of Adult dating sites out there – use them!)
• If prospect appears good to the BOTH of you, agree upon a purely social meeting. Bar and Grill is a nice location. Have bite to eat, see how everyone interacts, but don’t do anything intimate after that initial meeting!
• On drive home and the next day, discuss him. What did you think of him, what did she think of him. If you both agree, then it’s time for the next step. If you don’t, move on to another prospect. Her rejection may be as simple as “I didn’t feel comfortable with him.” Good enough. Don’t try and convince her otherwise.
• Meet only at a hotel/motel. Why?
  • No towels or sheets to clean up afterwards.
  • Neighbors won’t see strange Black men entering and leaving your home at all hours of the day and night.
  • No danger of a relative or friend coming over unexpectedly.
  • His house may be rigged with cameras, may not be clean or ‘friends’ may come over unexpectedly.
  • Do you want a relative stranger finding out where you live and what stuff you have?
• We insist upon my husband being there for at least the first few times. You don’t know how this guy may act if he gets you (the wife) alone. Trust me on this – experience speaking here!
• If condoms are to be used, bring your own. Men have been known to poke holes in condoms causing them to break. If you bring them yourself, you know they’re good.
• If no condoms, have him and you get tested before becoming intimate. Any health clinic or family doctor will do it for a nominal fee. We’ve never experienced a potential partner saying ‘No’ to that request.

I started this essay with the concept of communications. All the above revolves around strong communications between you and your wife. If you follow these recommendations, I can assure you that any ‘changes’ in your relationship will not come as a surprise as all the dirty laundry will be there, on the table before you, long before you become committed and something happens that you’ll regret later on.

Speaking for ourselves, it has done nothing but change our relationship for the better in so many ways! Hubby and I have sex together much more frequently. We’re much more in tune with one another, we enjoy doing things a lot more, and finally we both enjoy it.

Hope you found this useful. Best of luck!

Donna

Wow !! The best answer that we never see , it’s more like a manual , thank you guys we appreciate

 

[HonButter]

We are new to this thing, but we love to watch videos, photos amd chat about it. Our fear is that something will chamge in our relationship after a rea experience.
Thanks...

That is a logical fear. Take baby steps and remember to communicate with each other openly and honestly. Don’t hold back and be respectful of the opinions each of you have to offer.

 

[abnranger67]

We are new to this thing, but we love to watch videos, photos amd chat about it. Our fear is that something will chamge in our relationship after a rea experience.
Thanks...

I am not married, but what I offer is this. Don't use this as a method to "FIX" your marriage/relationship. If there are issues, then get that resolved FIRST. This is a lifestyle to enhance, explore, but there if is any level of insecurities, then this is NOT for you. Forgot to add, and this is something that was ingrained when I went thru the Dom/sub living course.....COMMUNICATION. If you never do anything else, DO THIS......COMMUNICATE. Wait, did I say COMMUNICATE? In case I forgot, COMMUNICATE.

 

[Fantasywife85]

We have been married for over 40 years and our relationship has got even stronger since we have been meeting black men ,

You need to have a strong marriage before you even consider inviting other men into your sex life , it has been amazing for us though .

Truth. Ours improved and was strong before and stronger now