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Conversation with mom

Yesterday I was taking a shower and my mother walked in on me when I was drying off. She lives with me because she is 70 years old and on social security. Anyhow, she saw my in all my glory and said, “Oh my God! You did not get that from you father.” I guess that at 70 she doesn’t give a shit about much. So, I quickly covered up and said your right about that.

After dinner when my kids were outside she asked me what I meant by that. I pretended not to understand her question, but she persisted. I asked my mom if she remembers the kids in the old neighborhood who always pulled on the dicks. She said that she did. I reluctantly told her that I did the same thing but not in public.

She said that she always wondered why the hell they would do that. Her next sentence was that they ALL did that didn’t they. I told her that most of them did. She then said that this explains everything. I bit the bait and asked what this explains. I thought to myself, why not have a 70 year old racist grandmother explain what she meant by that.

She goes, “well you know, why they all have big cocks.” I said that not all do, I guarantee it. She says, “How would you know?” I asked her if she had something that she wanted to tell me. She said no and walked away.

I told her that I do not think that she is as racist as she seems to be and that it was probably a show for dad. I told her that I don’t care and that dad was an asshole.

Randomly she told me that dad had an affair with Nancy and I asked her about Dave. She said, “Yea”. I decided at this point to be blunt about it. I told her that Dave, who is a white guy, does not explain her comment. Her response blew me away! She said that my dad said, “Kick them in the morning and bed them at night.” And he said, “Whatever I don’t know doesn’t hurt.”

I told her that she isn’t racist and her response was that she kind of is. I walked away and said that this explains why it took her so long to walk to the store and back. She said, “No shit!”