If you are introducing her to IR porn, you might choose videos that feature really good looking guys and don't just go for the biggest penises. More romantic couplings will likely be more persuasive than raunchy, piledriving types. Men are more turned on by that stuff. We, women, prefer gentle, naughty, fun content. The fantasy prospect of being crippled for a week by Shane Diesel (a good guy in reality) would horrify most.
Then meeting guys in natural settings is best. Yeah, handsome, hung guys might be prearranged to show up and give flattering attention, but it should flow and never feel ******.
For me, I always had a weakness for Sidney Poitier. Not a muscle mass, but clean, handsome, dark even smooth skin, Caribbean look, and (most importantly) an aura of righteousness, dignity, and confidence. He's been almost a reference standard by which others are compared. Does your wife have a black celebrity who makes her knees weak and her squirm in her seat?