I wondered where this thread should go. I don't feel proud about this. But it feels difficult to me to think what I did was wrong.
Long story short: young couple, I've been a hotwife for a while, have a 1:1 rel with a black man I'm very interested in, and other rel with a black guy with my husband as observer. Originally I wanted us to share this experience in full as a couple. Now, I admit this goal might be perhaps my means to keep my 1:1 for longer. The thing is we were about to stop with the lifestyle for good.
The way it happened is what makes me question a lot about my feelings. After sharing my bull's cock orally, I convinced my husband to show me if we were equal partners in all of this and to try the next step. I don't want to ornate the narrative to much and will rather stick to what I think are the blunt elements that worry me so much.
The evening we decided to give it a go, and after having some sex with my black man, we waited for him to put on his condom. Husband lying down with raised butt and cage on, facing me kneeling on the floor at the bed's edge, professing our love for each other. My bull came from behind and started penetrating him. I'd never seen his bbc penetrating another hole. My husband instantly moaned painfully: Nooo! Take it out! etc. repeatedly while digging his face into the mattress to silence his distress. He tried to move away from the bull's cock, but he could not, because I came forward to grab his hands and caress his face. I told him to focus on the fact that the bull's cock had just been inside me and that he's now sharing my experience. With me blocking his way and unable to escape, he collapsed on the bed. My bull was at once all on top of him, and reaching to me, we both kissed, while I put two of my cum sticky fingers out of my pussy in my husband mouth for him to suck. I must say I felt empowered to see that with that kiss my bull dedicated my husband's deflowering to me, at the same time my husband served homage to me by surrendering his virility. He continued moaning out of pain and shame, and the thrusts of my bull sounded more and more familiar to me. I commented that to husband. My bull kept pounding until all of his cock was inside my husband. There were tears in his eyes and I soothed his pain. Then my bull speeded up, and my husband started leaking sperm from his caged penis. I don't know if that was because he was enjoying it or because he was been technically milked by my black man. Husband started whining like a baby and I kissed him and told him I loved him. For a moment, I felt bad for him. But then I thought it was just his first time. He will surely learn to enjoy BBC as much as I do as well as the fact that we will suck black cocks as a couple and get fucked as a couple, sharing black men's cum as a couple. That was and still is very arousing to me.
After this, however, things didn't go as I planned. My husband is fine though with me meeting my other black man for 1:1, or whoever for that matter. But he told me he would not share in, or at least the way he did that night, anymore. He feels damaged and a little betrayed, he says, without blaming me directly. Almost in an amicable way. We still have sex, but I feel he struggles a little, physically and emotionally. Our love is the same. But I feel, we / I went too far. And still, I think it's ok, I got what I wanted.
Edit: I've left out a lot of information on purpose. But it's important to add this: There was no *******. We do have a safeword for stopping all action as we did when I was blacked the first time and at all other meets. Husband did not oppose physically either nor was there any ******* used upon him or me. It just was painful. His afterthoughts come from the late realization that he probably feels he gave up too much.
