First off, I’ve found this a very enjoyable thread! Thank you ‘Leafonthewind’ for starting it. I’m very confident that you answered a lot of questions that folks had about the lifestyle and shed some insights for me as well.
While I will be the first person to say that not every response is something that we (my husband and I) embrace, there are a lot of points that were pretty spot on, frankly surprising me.
In our case, my husband is almost always present. There are some situations where he could not be which I’ve explained in other threads. Speaking ONLY for myself, I feel more secure in the room, and he doesn’t feel intimidated in the least.
In our situation, there is absolutely, positively NO humiliation of either my husband or myself. We just don’t tolerate it and, if the other man proceeds down that road, just stop associating with him, simple.
I recommend a few things that have worked for us very well in the past.
- First and foremost, establish limitations and expectations with your husband. Issues like dating (him not being there), condoms (yes or no) and frequency of meetings should be clearly understood by both parties. We regard this as an enhancement of our basic relationship, never wanting it to overtake it.
- Always establish a rapport with a prospective playmate on line first. If he is polite, considerate, appears to meet your expectations, then agree to a purely social meeting.
- The purely social meeting is critical. A lot of men talk a great line, but haven’t a clue as to how to interact in a social setting. Be polite, open the conversation about what you may have talked about on line or on the phone and try to settle in to a normal exchange between adults. Once you are comfortable, discuss your expectations and limitations. If he appears agreeable, and everything else looks good, tell him that you’ll be in contact soon to let him know what you’ve decided.
- Finally and most important, set aside time to openly and honestly discuss the potential playmate with your husband. Everything is on the table. Let him know what you liked and didn’t like about him. Allow your husband to express his opinion in the same manner. Then, if at the end of this discussion you BOTH give the guy a thumbs up, text him and suggest a playdate.
We always meet at a hotel. Never go to his place as you don’t know if he has cameras set up without your knowledge or has scheduled ‘friends’ to drop by. We don’t want him to come to our home as we really don’t know him, having just met him socially the one time. If, after an extended relationship, you feel comfortable inviting him into your home, do so. But I still caution you about going to his place.
I know, all this sounds paranoid, but I’ve had the pleasure to meet fine people this way. None objected to the hotel or any other issue! Like I said up front, these points have worked for us very well for the past three years and neither my husband or I have had any regrets.
Hope this helps! If you have questions or comments, please post them in this thread. I will try my best to respond to any questions or comments posted.