So we have been into this lifestyle for awhile now and never pulled the trigger as both of us are mostly introverted and dont go out much. I (the wife) spontaneously used a empty house my husband and I own to invite over a college football coach over for a little fun. My husband and I have rules that we follow but I completely disregarded them as I was trying to turn him on with it. With that said, the sex was terrible. The guy had a decent cock. (8") or so but I couldnt get into it. I could barely feel him and he was only into missionary.. I dont know how to continue to want to try this because it was so bad. Ive been with one man since I was 16 and I dont understand how that happens.. I guess my question is, has anyone else here, experienced this? My husband was really pissed off because some of the rules we agreed to didnt happen (safety and agreement) and to top it off, it wasnt good. I feel like a need a little council to help me get past this.
After 3 years, It finally happened and we are both confused
- Thread starter SamNJay
- Start date
Here’s what I have learned...I need some kind of connection to have a good time. I just do. I don’t get out much. Is it possible to get rusty? ???. If I’m really relaxed and comfy with someone, it will be fun. If I am nervous or don’t know them, I won’t be at my best. It will show lol. I’m extremely selective about who and how well I know them. I’m not the type that can just bang it out with someone because we think we will connect or it’s just a one time thing. My 2 cents is you were more in to the idea of it than the man. What I’ve learned is the magic dick size is the one attached to someone I’m in to. And you were nervous about rules. That didn’t help you relax. Maybe regroup and put more thought in to planning the next time. Oh...I’m also in to quality over quantity, sadly it means I don’t get it much lol Good luck!
(8 in tho...I’m thinking I could work with that LOL)
(8 in tho...I’m thinking I could work with that LOL)
I appreciate the response. I was actually casually talking to this guy for about 3 weeks. Expectations were all there, he didnt make me uneasy. As far as the rules are concerned, I completed forgot about them thinking its just what we both wanted and Ive been real skiddish with these men because i usualy find so many flaws in them that bother me enough to make me pass. I cannot exaggerate how anti social I usually am and trust me when I say I have been patient (3 years being picky). I was calm, cool and collected and he just fell very short of expectations. I tried to comminicate but he was so into it he kind of didnt listen. He lasted about 3 minutes and we went again and I gave him a pass bc maybe it was just missionary, doggystyle wasnt any better and I literally had to fake moan. He had no clue i didnt like it as he messaged me about an hour later bragging about how his dick calmed me down. Fact is, after crying to my husband, he had to take care of me.. tsk
Hey there @SamNJay, sorry to hear about the bad experience. These things happen its life. Not all dating relationships, marriages, or one-night stands turn out to be great sexual experiences. I dated a woman off and on for several years and we discussed marriage (she put the ultimatum on me actually) and I got her an engagement ring but couldn't pull the trigger. Why? Well although for a few various reasons the biggest factor was that the sex wasn't good at all with her and I was realistic to myself that I probably wouldn't be faithful for too long so why put our marriage in jeopardy.
Then I met another woman, sex was the bomb we got married after a few months but she was a terrible human-being and it was a mistake. Wish I could've merged the two woman, #1 was the perfect woman who could cook, would clean, could read my mind, was a straight-A college student, got a great job and career with a big signing bonus, was into everything I was into but sex was terrible. Woman #2 was bi-sexual, loved to watch me fuck other woman, sex was out of this world, but couldn't finish school, couldn't hold a steady job. Moral to the story, I look back and wish I wouldv'e stayed with Woman #1 sometimes as 80% of perfection is truly better than just 20%.
Something that @Sunshine girl said also rings absolutely true and I've heard the same sentiment expressed by many women myself. To reiterate what she said "..the magic dick size is the one attached to someone I'm in to." You have to like and have chemistry and vice versa with the person whom your having the sexual encounter with. Women tell me the sex is amazing, my magic stick is super amazing, but most importantly they like me and not just because of the magic stick although I also know how to work magic with it too.
In addition as she said, being relaxed, comfortable, and the guy your playing with also him being into pleasing you is important too.Definitely take your time and get to know the guy your planning to meet a little more, talk about what things you both like sexually to see if you both have chemistry and not right just a first few minutes into the conversation. If possible, the hubby, you, and the guy should meet out at a club, fool around, build up the sexual tension and heat, delay the immediate gratification and then if the guy is really into you he'll be tearing your clothes off the next meet or later that night and the sex should be at least a little more enjoyable.
Great take. It almost has me mortified because I really feel like I cheated and it wasnt even worth it.Hey there @SamNJay, sorry to hear about the bad experience. These things happen its life. Not all dating relationships, marriages, or one-night stands turn out to be great sexual experiences. I dated a woman off and on for several years and we discussed marriage (she put the ultimatum on me actually) and I got her an engagement ring but couldn't pull the trigger. Why? Well although for a few various reasons the biggest factor was that the sex wasn't good at all with her and I was realistic to myself that I probably wouldn't be faithful for too long so why put our marriage in jeopardy.
Then I met another woman, sex was the bomb we got married after a few months but she was a terrible human-being and it was a mistake. Wish I could've merged the two woman, #1 was the perfect woman who could cook, would clean, could read my mind, was a straight-A college student, got a great job and career with a big signing bonus, was into everything I was into but sex was terrible. Woman #2 was bi-sexual, loved to watch me fuck other woman, sex was out of this world, but couldn't finish school, couldn't hold a steady job. Moral to the story, I look back and wish I wouldv'e stayed with Woman #1 sometimes as 80% of perfection is truly better than just 20%.
Something that @Sunshine girl said also rings absolutely true and I've heard the same sentiment expressed by many women myself. To reiterate what she said "..the magic dick size is the one attached to someone I'm in to." You have to like and have chemistry and vice versa with the person whom your having the sexual encounter with. Women tell me the sex is amazing, my magic stick is super amazing, but most importantly they like me and not just because of the magic stick although I also know how to work magic with it too.
Definitely take your time and get to know the guy your planning to meet a little more, talk about what things you both like sexually to see if you both have chemistry and not right just a first few minutes into the conversation. If possible, the hubby, you, and the guy should meet out at a club, fool around, build up the sexual tension and heat, delay the immediate gratification and then if the guy is really into you he'll be tearing your clothes off the next meet or later that night and the sex should be at least a little more enjoyable.
Another thing I left off mentioning is that vetting a guy as much as possible before meeting often helps increase your odds of finding a worthy fuck-buddy. Basically ask around and check up on him. If he has no resume your taking a chance as how do you know he is right for the job? If he has some good verified meets by other ladies (fuck character references), then he is worth trying out for the job. Just don't take the guys word for it with him bragging I can fuck for 3hrs then show up and not even last 3 minutes @SamNJay. Again just ...
First and foremost, I advise you to come to peace with hubby. While I'm curious for more details on what specifically broke the rules, it's more important that hubby understand where your head went as well as how that place wasn't intended to harm or disrespect him or the relationship (and trust me, they're not the same thing!!!).
Once you decide to engage, internalize the decision to include not allowing self to second guess self. Of course we all do it, but empower yourself to cut and discard those thoughts before they start ricocheting around your brain.
Before the first meeting, I find a way to express I actually look forward to the second meeting-the one with familiarity and minus the first time jitters; I know I get them and think everyone does too.
Once you decide to engage, internalize the decision to include not allowing self to second guess self. Of course we all do it, but empower yourself to cut and discard those thoughts before they start ricocheting around your brain.
Before the first meeting, I find a way to express I actually look forward to the second meeting-the one with familiarity and minus the first time jitters; I know I get them and think everyone does too.
Some people like or require more than just sex. They or we need that connection. Everybody is geared differently, find what makes you guys like.
To be fair, throwing guys on pedal stools of expectations is a setup for a let down. I’m sorry that happened to you.
My worst first experience was with the woman I ended up having the best sexual chemistry with. Don’t be afraid to get back on the horse.
If it’s not a planned exhibition, I try to spend an hour or more just vibing the first few meetups until the energy is right, instead of jumping right to it. If the hubby is there it’s the bull’s responsibility to set the tone and dominate with clarity and confidence. That strength/structure puts the chaos in your emotions at ease. When it’s not there, there are too many directions going for everyone to make it to the same destination.
A red flag is lack of directness and poor intuition.
I can always tell when it’s time to make hubby listen from outside, or remind him of his place when it’s time for me to feed. Size isn’t everything...chemistry is about communication and sex is about power. When they meet in unison, it’s time for the squirt show.
My worst first experience was with the woman I ended up having the best sexual chemistry with. Don’t be afraid to get back on the horse.
If it’s not a planned exhibition, I try to spend an hour or more just vibing the first few meetups until the energy is right, instead of jumping right to it. If the hubby is there it’s the bull’s responsibility to set the tone and dominate with clarity and confidence. That strength/structure puts the chaos in your emotions at ease. When it’s not there, there are too many directions going for everyone to make it to the same destination.
A red flag is lack of directness and poor intuition.
I can always tell when it’s time to make hubby listen from outside, or remind him of his place when it’s time for me to feed. Size isn’t everything...chemistry is about communication and sex is about power. When they meet in unison, it’s time for the squirt show.
Hi there. How is it going? Sorry to hear about your story. Things like this happens often but there's always a way to work around a first time bad experience. I know many couples who've had first time bad experience and they're still having the time of their lives.
cortex2005
Member
Find a white guy to take you and then find a black guy. Make sure you spend at least some time in verbal foreplay in BOTH cases
Make a comparison then realize you have been BLACKED.
Reality often has a hard time competing with fantasies people create in their mind. You might want to do a bit more, or a lot more, field research... you know, have sex with, say, five different black guys. At least one will better align with how you want things to go.
My wife has run into similar situations. Even when he was hung like a horse, it didn't make the sex any good. She's now at the point where she'll insist on a non-sexual date with a guy first, at the very least, to see if he's at all worthwhile.
Best way is to join a adult site. Find your person on line thru his profile. If you write and exchange pics then you discuss the way you want a MFM to go . Spell out the safety issues the seduction or whatever turns you on,then meet for drinks to see if you are all compatable.Me and my wife get lucky one out of four M&Gs.Those lucky guys get to have Drinks and "desert with a hotwife.at least you give yourself the best chance for a chemistry conection. If he looks in your eyes and makes you hot then wonderful.if he flirts with the waitress and does not show you he desires you say thanks but NO thanks and find another.Works for us.
HI,
First, lots of great advice here. Understand your situation and predicament totally.
I had a guy who appeared to be everything I wanted - 9" cock, friendly, funny, polite, etc. However, once we got down to it, his demeanor totally changed! He turned into a dominating, unskilled, uncaring dolt! These things happen.
From your description, I would suggest that he had issues. First, is he married? If so, guilt may have been playing a huge part in his inability to perform. Second, he may have been concerned about the ramifications. What if he was discovered having you? Would his job as a coach be in danger? Lots of people associated with schools are getting into trouble these days and it may have been bothering you.
You seem to be suffering from some guilt as well in that you broke your agreements with your husband. Happens and is natural.
A suggestion may be to apologize to him, promise to follow the rules and offer to do something special for him to help make it up. Then I would have your husband establish the next encounter and you accept it. Kind of a way to make amends and get you both back on track so to speak.
These are just suggestions of course. You know your situation and more importantly, your husband better than anyone else. But the universal approach is to apologize and promise to follow the rules from now on.
Best of luck and please, keep us advised.
Donna
First, lots of great advice here. Understand your situation and predicament totally.
I had a guy who appeared to be everything I wanted - 9" cock, friendly, funny, polite, etc. However, once we got down to it, his demeanor totally changed! He turned into a dominating, unskilled, uncaring dolt! These things happen.
From your description, I would suggest that he had issues. First, is he married? If so, guilt may have been playing a huge part in his inability to perform. Second, he may have been concerned about the ramifications. What if he was discovered having you? Would his job as a coach be in danger? Lots of people associated with schools are getting into trouble these days and it may have been bothering you.
You seem to be suffering from some guilt as well in that you broke your agreements with your husband. Happens and is natural.
A suggestion may be to apologize to him, promise to follow the rules and offer to do something special for him to help make it up. Then I would have your husband establish the next encounter and you accept it. Kind of a way to make amends and get you both back on track so to speak.
These are just suggestions of course. You know your situation and more importantly, your husband better than anyone else. But the universal approach is to apologize and promise to follow the rules from now on.
Best of luck and please, keep us advised.
Donna
This seems to be quite the norm with my wife ( and me to a lessor extent ). With me and her fantasies bringing her to intense/crying orgasms. A level "real experiences" with others have yet to match.
JennaStar
Female
100% this. If you want to have good sex you need some kind of sexual connection and attraction. Otherwise its just 30 minutes of fucking that you will forget the very same day...
Andreabell
Female
Unfortunately some times things don’t seem to work out the way you expect.. A couple of years back I meet up with a black guy that ended in a hotel room and I can say when we started he almost choked me when I sucked his cock grabbing my head and shoving me on his cock, we had sex he was so rough held me around the throat I couldn’t breath and he bit my tit and nipple and made that ******* I told him to get off and go to that he became all aggressive and verbally abused me... so went into the bathroom and locked it and rang hotel reception and asked them to help ... he left thank goodness... I was that worried I left that hotel and booked another room in a different hotel.... a memorable date for all the wrong reasons... always cautious when meeting guys ...
