My dominance is always goal-directed. There is a purpose to everything that I do in life, whether big or small, whether sexual or not, directly related to a D/s relationship or just part of daily life. I dislike randomness or chaos, or drama.
I'm very logical and reasoned with my choices. Because being purposeful and dominant is my nature, when I dominate a woman in a D/s context, it's always purposeful and goal-directed. Whether she's a friend, someone I mentor, or a relationship partner, I believe it is my responsibility to be dominant in healthy, useful ways that help her to be the best woman and submissive that she can be.
For example, I enjoy anal sex not because it's taboo or dirty or different but because it is a very dominant sexual act that makes the recipient "feel" taken, used, and dominated. Discipline is never random or done in anger, and it's always thoughtfully considered with the dual purpose of modifying future behavior and maintaining the structure of the D/s dynamic through an appropriate punishment. Boundaries should be pushed in a thoughtful manner that will, safely and yet forcefully, actually help the submissive grow in ways she may have feared, never imagined, or believed unachievable.
Most importantly, a dominant must consider the individual submissive in his care. What does this person need? What does this person want? What will best achieve those goals? What will make her a better submissive woman, a partner in her career, etc.? I always say that selfishness has no place in dominance. Dominance is responsible for caring for the submissive who has entrusted you with control over them. It's not a license to abuse, although it is a license to use! ;-)
It is not for me to define a woman's feelings regarding her own submission. From a dominant's perspective, ANY act that you do is being submissive in a D/s relationship. Whether cooking dinner, cleaning, sucking my cock, bending over for a spanking, or indeed suffering for me ... it's all her being submissive to me by giving over control, obeying, and giving herself willingly. It is not "more" submissive to be ******; it is not "less" submissive to want to serve. You may be defining your own intensity of emotion in a particular moment rather than the act itself. In other words, you may "feel" more submissive in those difficult moments of sacrifice, but you are no less submissive when doing an activity that you also enjoy. If I require it, demand it, need it, want it, or take it from you - when you do it, you're being submissive, regardless of whether you want to do it or not.
Having said that, I do value those acts of suffering more highly because those are the moments when you "prove" that you're genuinely submissive to me. If you want to do the act, you may or may not be submissive at the moment because it may simply be what brings you pleasure and joy to do. I can't know that difference early in the D/s relationship. It is only over time, when you are pushed into those boundaries of suffering or sacrifice, that you "prove" the depth of your submission by enduring pain for me. Keep in mind that this is the mind of a sadistic dominant. Others may feel quite differently on this issue.
Discipline is essential to maintaining the natural order of a D/s relationship. There must be a consequence for failing to submit, obey, or follow the rules. This fact is observed in every level of society, so I find it perplexing that some people insist discipline is unnecessary in their D/s relationship. Society has rules, children follow the rules, athletics have rules ... and people violate those rules regularly on purpose, by mistake, or because of other factors. No one is perfect, so I do not believe there is a "perfect" submissive out there who will never disobey or err and thus will never need discipline.
Discipline is also a separate concept from corporal punishment. Discipline can be physical, verbal, emotional, and action, a limitation ... I believe in corporal punishment because nothing quite brings the focus of sharp pain to deter conduct and because I'm sadistic. That may not work for everyone or in every situation, so a wise dominant will shape the discipline/punishment to fit the crime as well as the submissive.
Consensual non-consent is a relationship dynamic that a submissive and dominant share as the ideal for their needs to be fulfilled. In that sense, while trust is undoubtedly necessary, it has been my experience that submissives who truly believe that consensual non-consent is the appropriate ideal for them are usually ready to agree to that dynamic in conjunction with their initial choice to submit to a particular dominant. In other words, CNC is not a separate choice, and it's inherent in the choice to submit. As the dominant partner, I expect and demand, so I tend to attract women willing to submit to that degree at an early relationship stage.
Naturally, intelligent people understand that all aspects of human relationships are a continuum, so common sense dictates that a dominant will introduce certain acts at an appropriate pace and time. CNC doesn't necessarily equate to: I'm going to do everything possible to you on the first date. CNC is an attitude, understanding a certain depth of submission and intensity of dominance.
Consensual non-consent is, in my opinion, simply the natural structure inherent in a D/s relationship. The submissive must submit completely. The moment she refuses to comply, the dynamic is destroyed. Thus, CNC is not optional, and it's a required mindset to be submissive to Me in a D/s relationship. I believe submission is offered once, at the beginning of the relationship, and then the Dominant is entirely in control. Once she chooses to submit, her body and choices are now Mine. She no longer may refuse, whether sex, an order, discipline, or any other act.
CNC should not be entered into quickly, lightly, or ignorantly. Naturally, THIS dynamic requires trust, compatibility, honest, open communication, mature understanding of each other's personality, character, integrity, caring, unselfishness, a total commitment of mind and body, common sense, and a desire to make the submissive her best (not to harm her).
Confusing sexual submission with a 24/7 TPE dynamic leads to these confusing dialogues about "who holds power" in a D/s relationship. During sex, the Dom can completely control the sub. In real life, no one can physically completely control another human being all day long. As a Dom who only seeks out a compatibly intelligent submissive, I fully expect her to be an otherwise independent, intelligent, successful, hard-working, and respected woman. I don't seek a robot or a mere sex toy (although I use her like one at times); I seek a submissive relationship partner. I control her in the context of our relationship; I do not dictate the minutia of daily life.
However, in a 24/7 TPE style dynamic, the submissive should feel controlled at all times because she is. This means that she knows whom she is ruled by, whom she serves, who she is responsible for, and who will discipline her if she fails. She craves that structure, love, service, and discipline. A woman can feel and be entirely owned by a man and still be free to succeed in her job, make normal daily life decisions, and even be placed in charge of the day-to-day management of certain aspects of their relationship (like finances or raising children, etc.). It is similar to an employer/employee relationship, where you are given the rules and expectations but then set free to actually do the job well - with the understanding that you are ultimately responsible to and thus "controlled" by the Boss who makes the final decisions and is responsible for the overall outcome.
I'm very logical and reasoned with my choices. Because being purposeful and dominant is my nature, when I dominate a woman in a D/s context, it's always purposeful and goal-directed. Whether she's a friend, someone I mentor, or a relationship partner, I believe it is my responsibility to be dominant in healthy, useful ways that help her to be the best woman and submissive that she can be.
For example, I enjoy anal sex not because it's taboo or dirty or different but because it is a very dominant sexual act that makes the recipient "feel" taken, used, and dominated. Discipline is never random or done in anger, and it's always thoughtfully considered with the dual purpose of modifying future behavior and maintaining the structure of the D/s dynamic through an appropriate punishment. Boundaries should be pushed in a thoughtful manner that will, safely and yet forcefully, actually help the submissive grow in ways she may have feared, never imagined, or believed unachievable.
Most importantly, a dominant must consider the individual submissive in his care. What does this person need? What does this person want? What will best achieve those goals? What will make her a better submissive woman, a partner in her career, etc.? I always say that selfishness has no place in dominance. Dominance is responsible for caring for the submissive who has entrusted you with control over them. It's not a license to abuse, although it is a license to use! ;-)
It is not for me to define a woman's feelings regarding her own submission. From a dominant's perspective, ANY act that you do is being submissive in a D/s relationship. Whether cooking dinner, cleaning, sucking my cock, bending over for a spanking, or indeed suffering for me ... it's all her being submissive to me by giving over control, obeying, and giving herself willingly. It is not "more" submissive to be ******; it is not "less" submissive to want to serve. You may be defining your own intensity of emotion in a particular moment rather than the act itself. In other words, you may "feel" more submissive in those difficult moments of sacrifice, but you are no less submissive when doing an activity that you also enjoy. If I require it, demand it, need it, want it, or take it from you - when you do it, you're being submissive, regardless of whether you want to do it or not.
Having said that, I do value those acts of suffering more highly because those are the moments when you "prove" that you're genuinely submissive to me. If you want to do the act, you may or may not be submissive at the moment because it may simply be what brings you pleasure and joy to do. I can't know that difference early in the D/s relationship. It is only over time, when you are pushed into those boundaries of suffering or sacrifice, that you "prove" the depth of your submission by enduring pain for me. Keep in mind that this is the mind of a sadistic dominant. Others may feel quite differently on this issue.
Discipline is essential to maintaining the natural order of a D/s relationship. There must be a consequence for failing to submit, obey, or follow the rules. This fact is observed in every level of society, so I find it perplexing that some people insist discipline is unnecessary in their D/s relationship. Society has rules, children follow the rules, athletics have rules ... and people violate those rules regularly on purpose, by mistake, or because of other factors. No one is perfect, so I do not believe there is a "perfect" submissive out there who will never disobey or err and thus will never need discipline.
Discipline is also a separate concept from corporal punishment. Discipline can be physical, verbal, emotional, and action, a limitation ... I believe in corporal punishment because nothing quite brings the focus of sharp pain to deter conduct and because I'm sadistic. That may not work for everyone or in every situation, so a wise dominant will shape the discipline/punishment to fit the crime as well as the submissive.
Consensual non-consent is a relationship dynamic that a submissive and dominant share as the ideal for their needs to be fulfilled. In that sense, while trust is undoubtedly necessary, it has been my experience that submissives who truly believe that consensual non-consent is the appropriate ideal for them are usually ready to agree to that dynamic in conjunction with their initial choice to submit to a particular dominant. In other words, CNC is not a separate choice, and it's inherent in the choice to submit. As the dominant partner, I expect and demand, so I tend to attract women willing to submit to that degree at an early relationship stage.
Naturally, intelligent people understand that all aspects of human relationships are a continuum, so common sense dictates that a dominant will introduce certain acts at an appropriate pace and time. CNC doesn't necessarily equate to: I'm going to do everything possible to you on the first date. CNC is an attitude, understanding a certain depth of submission and intensity of dominance.
Consensual non-consent is, in my opinion, simply the natural structure inherent in a D/s relationship. The submissive must submit completely. The moment she refuses to comply, the dynamic is destroyed. Thus, CNC is not optional, and it's a required mindset to be submissive to Me in a D/s relationship. I believe submission is offered once, at the beginning of the relationship, and then the Dominant is entirely in control. Once she chooses to submit, her body and choices are now Mine. She no longer may refuse, whether sex, an order, discipline, or any other act.
CNC should not be entered into quickly, lightly, or ignorantly. Naturally, THIS dynamic requires trust, compatibility, honest, open communication, mature understanding of each other's personality, character, integrity, caring, unselfishness, a total commitment of mind and body, common sense, and a desire to make the submissive her best (not to harm her).
Confusing sexual submission with a 24/7 TPE dynamic leads to these confusing dialogues about "who holds power" in a D/s relationship. During sex, the Dom can completely control the sub. In real life, no one can physically completely control another human being all day long. As a Dom who only seeks out a compatibly intelligent submissive, I fully expect her to be an otherwise independent, intelligent, successful, hard-working, and respected woman. I don't seek a robot or a mere sex toy (although I use her like one at times); I seek a submissive relationship partner. I control her in the context of our relationship; I do not dictate the minutia of daily life.
However, in a 24/7 TPE style dynamic, the submissive should feel controlled at all times because she is. This means that she knows whom she is ruled by, whom she serves, who she is responsible for, and who will discipline her if she fails. She craves that structure, love, service, and discipline. A woman can feel and be entirely owned by a man and still be free to succeed in her job, make normal daily life decisions, and even be placed in charge of the day-to-day management of certain aspects of their relationship (like finances or raising children, etc.). It is similar to an employer/employee relationship, where you are given the rules and expectations but then set free to actually do the job well - with the understanding that you are ultimately responsible to and thus "controlled" by the Boss who makes the final decisions and is responsible for the overall outcome.
