Taking one for the team.

[funcouple52661]

I get that this isn’t a swinger site but there are plenty of swingers here. Essentially this lifestyle wouldn’t exist without swingers. Most couples have a rule that they won’t take one for the team. Meaning that if they are playing with couples that all must be attracted to proceed.
Here is the problem, it can be very difficult to find four people where everyone clicks. It’s more difficult for my husband to take one for the team, he needs to be able to perform. Meaning that he must be able to get an erection. So can he really take one for the team? I suppose he could go down on the other wife. In my opinion what I find is that more often than not the wife is a cute little thing and they hubby is someone I’m not attracted to. So I tell them we aren’t compatible.

I started feeling bad because my husband is the one paying for my willingness or lack there of.
It’s not like I need an erection to have fun. So I started “ taking one for the team”. I can’t say I regret it. I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how eager some of the guys have been to please me.
My question is, as a couple, what are your thoughts on this rule? It’s a common rule. Is it an unbreakable rule for you? What are we missing out on? I know ours broadened our play.

 

[calidreaming15]

This is a big time problem we have. I'm 15 years younger then my wife, so it is harder to find the right dynamic for two couples. Plus most swinger men are not attractive as their sexy wives. Guys just don't take care of themselves as well as women do....plus we don't do the whole hair, makeup, spanx thing that helps hide our flows

 

[funcouple52661]

This is a big time problem we have. I'm 15 years younger then my wife, so it is harder to find the right dynamic for two couples. Plus most swinger men are not attractive as their sexy wives. Guys just don't take care of themselves as well as women do....plus we don't do the whole hair, makeup, spanx thing that helps hide our flows

I have to agree. This is why I think a higher level of communication is required. This is what makes us such a rare couple.

 

[sm1982]

I think the greater problem is the vast difference in the sex drive between partners. Especially one where on is open to try new things and the other is quite conservative and want to stick to what is normal.

 

[funcouple52661]

I think the greater problem is the vast difference in the sex drive between partners. Especially one where on is open to try new things and the other is quite conservative and want to stick to what is normal.

Yes. I’ve seen couples like that. It can be the man or the woman holding things back.

 

[AsianSlutWife]

I get that this isn’t a swinger site but there are plenty of swingers here. Essentially this lifestyle wouldn’t exist without swingers. Most couples have a rule that they won’t take one for the team. Meaning that if they are playing with couples that all must be attracted to proceed.
Here is the problem, it can be very difficult to find four people where everyone clicks. It’s more difficult for my husband to take one for the team, he needs to be able to perform. Meaning that he must be able to get an erection. So can he really take one for the team? I suppose he could go down on the other wife. In my opinion what I find is that more often than not the wife is a cute little thing and they hubby is someone I’m not attracted to. So I tell them we aren’t compatible.

I started feeling bad because my husband is the one paying for my willingness or lack there of.
It’s not like I need an erection to have fun. So I started “ taking one for the team”. I can’t say I regret it. I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how eager some of the guys have been to please me.
My question is, as a couple, what are your thoughts on this rule? It’s a common rule. Is it an unbreakable rule for you? What are we missing out on? I know ours broadened our play.

This is primarily why we keep to three-ways, MFM or FMF (FFM?). That said, we are still looking for the true unicorn, a couple where we all are attracted to each other.

 

[sm1982]

Yes. I’ve seen couples like that. It can be the man or the woman holding things back.

And this "holding up" things can be quite devastating for the marriage as well. As it sets the stage for cheating.

 

[sm1982]

This is primarily why we keep to three-ways, MFM or FMF (FFM?). That said, we are still looking for the true unicorn, a couple where we all are attracted to each other.

One can only wish you good luck!

 

[WVhotwifecoupl]

We started out as swingers but it didn't work to well because we had trouble finding couples we both were attracted to. I quickly decided I wasn't "taking one for the team." In fact, that is how we really got into the hotwife lifestyle. I started picking up guys at clubs and parties and it just kind of evolved from there. That's when I discovered hub was turned on by sharing me with other guys....

 

[funcouple52661]

We started out as swingers but it didn't work to well because we had trouble finding couples we both were attracted to. I quickly decided I wasn't "taking one for the team." In fact, that is how we really got into the hotwife lifestyle. I started picking up guys at clubs and parties and it just kind of evolved from there. That's when I discovered hub was turned on by sharing me with other guys....

I can’t fault someone for feeling that way

 

[whitechickslay]

We started out as swingers but it didn't work to well because we had trouble finding couples we both were attracted to. I quickly decided I wasn't "taking one for the team." In fact, that is how we really got into the hotwife lifestyle. I started picking up guys at clubs and parties and it just kind of evolved from there. That's when I discovered hub was turned on by sharing me with other guys....

I dang sure would enjoy using you daily

 

[KatyMisbehavin]

I think the greater problem is the vast difference in the sex drive between partners. Especially one where on is open to try new things and the other is quite conservative and want to stick to what is normal.

This is our problem although its not sex drive but fear on the husbands part...

 

[funcouple52661]

This is our problem although its not sex drive but fear on the husbands part...

Can I ask what that fear is? I love understanding these things

 

[Lebain]

I was in the Swing lifestyle many times Solo, and sometimes with an girlfriend...Most couples I knew where very loving and communication was the key...There where many times that I did not hook up at all...Swing Clubs and etc. yet I still enjoyed myself...Never did I feel like I was holding my partner back from an good experience and like wise...I am no longer in the Swing lifestyle...ran it´s course so to speak...The trend to Hotwife and or Stag~Vixen is I.M.H.O. an better option for couples...My gal I have been with now for the past 6 years is not in the least interested in any of the lifestyles, yet she let´s me do my thing If I have an attraction to another gal...No one is forsing anyone do anything they do not want to do, period...Works for us, and has made are relationship stronger...We own are choices...Boa Sorte...

 

[funcouple52661]

I was in the Swing lifestyle many times Solo, and sometimes with an girlfriend...Most couples I knew where very loving and communication was the key...There where many times that I did not hook up at all...Swing Clubs and etc. yet I still enjoyed myself...Never did I feel like I was holding my partner back from an good experience and like wise...I am no longer in the Swing lifestyle...ran it´s course so to speak...The trend to Hotwife and or Stag~Vixen is I.M.H.O. an better option for couples...My gal I have been with now for the past 6 years is not in the least interested in any of the lifestyles, yet she let´s me do my thing If I have an attraction to another gal...No one is ******* anyone do anything they do not want to do, period...Works for us, and has made are relationship stronger...We own are choices...Boa Sorte...

Couldn’t agree more. I know this. When we go to a swing club we are going to have sex. Note that may mean that we are only going to play together. But I know what I have with him and that I’ll have a great time.

 

[KatyMisbehavin]

Can I ask what that fear is? I love understanding these things

Well, as I mentioned on another thread, he is super concerned about opening that "Pandoras Box" and ruining our relationship otherwise. Doesnt help that the latest podcast we played had a couple returning to the show after a year in the stag/vixen lifestyle... It started out with both of them totally excited about it...now after a year the husband is having ED issues and they don't have any sex with each other any more...the wife basically discovered what was out there and now finds that other men satisfy her more than her husband can and he kind of checked out of the sex department as a result. Not sure if I can say it but its the "Consenting Adults" podcast if anyone wants to hear it. Usually the stories are all positive but this one came out at just the wrong time for us in our journey/discussion of the subject...

 

[KatyMisbehavin]

I tried to reassure him - the wife on the show had literally met with something like 20 guys in their first two months doing it - seems pretty extreme. She didn't mention how many after a year but it sounds like it was just a ridiculous number she had been out with, including a half dozen regular guys outside of the marriage. I tried to tell the husband that this would just be an occasional thing - or just a thing we try once and feel out - but he is super freaked out now

 

[funcouple52661]

Well, as I mentioned on another thread, he is super concerned about opening that "Pandoras Box" and ruining our relationship otherwise. Doesnt help that the latest podcast we played had a couple returning to the show after a year in the stag/vixen lifestyle... It started out with both of them totally excited about it...now after a year the husband is having ED issues and they don't have any sex with each other any more...the wife basically discovered what was out there and now finds that other men satisfy her more than her husband can and he kind of checked out of the sex department as a result. Not sure if I can say it but its the "Consenting Adults" podcast if anyone wants to hear it. Usually the stories are all positive but this one came out at just the wrong time for us in our journey/discussion of the subject...

That’s interesting. Looking at your pics I don’t think he has to worry about you finding others that satisfy you more. He looks like he has a great body and package and I’m sure that’s the icing on the cake. I know my husband means more to me than anything. If he really wanted to stop then we would. When we started out I assured my husband that this was only going to enhance our sex life and it has. It’s drawn us closer. I actually love watching my husband have sex with other women because I know how good he is in bed and I love watching women lose themselves with him.

 

[Gokurocks]

We started out as swingers and continue to be so. But we have both taken one for the team on more than one occasion.

 

[KatyMisbehavin]

That’s interesting. Looking at your pics I don’t think he has to worry about you finding others that satisfy you more. He looks like he has a great body and package and I’m sure that’s the icing on the cake. I know my husband means more to me than anything. If he really wanted to stop then we would. When we started out I assured my husband that this was only going to enhance our sex life and it has. It’s drawn us closer. I actually love watching my husband have sex with other women because I know how good he is in bed and I love watching women lose themselves with him.

I don't know how much is TMI, but I rarely come from intercourse. He does a great job with his tongue, but I usually need my vibrator or fingers when we are having sex. I get that this isn't at all unusual for women, but, and he hasn't actually come out and said it, I suspect he is concerned that maybe I learn to orgasm during sex with someone else and that draws us apart?