Swingers - the UGLY reality? What's it like for attractive people?

M

makemeacuckold

Male
From
UK
I know using the word "ugly" in the title is quite provocative, but hear me out.

In a fantasy world a swingers party would be full of sexy people. Everyone would be in perfect shape and absolutely stunning to look at.

However, in reality, (this is based off assumptions, I've never been to one) a swingers party is likely to consist of people of all shapes and sizes - skinny and fat, attractive and ugly, young and old. I suppose it's like going to a regular bar or club really.

My question to the people who have been to these kinds of things is, what's it really like? I'm not saying my wife and I are both perfect 10s, but if a short balding ugly old man approached us instead of a handsome athletic guy, I'm sure it'd immediately turn my wife off and she'd want to leave.

I hope I've articulated myself well enough to ask the question in a reasonable manner. I'm in no way saying ugly, old, fat people can't be swingers and can't be sexy, I'm just saying people like what they like and it must be difficult to feel sexy if you're surrounded by people you don't find attractive.
 
We started out as swingers several years ago and had a really fun time. All the people we met were non-judgmental and laid back. Great folks to party with. The problem we had was that the women who took care of themselves (worked out, nicely dressed, attractive) all seemed to have partners (husbands) who had little regard for appearances. The men seemed to think that they were entitled to have sex with you because their wives were bombshells. They put no effort in it. No freebies in my book, I am not taking one for the team. So, I had enough and we slowly moved in this direction. As a hotwife, I find this a lot better fit, but I do miss the parties.
djfrantank is correct. Most are in their 40-50s.
 
IncredibleHunk said:
You do tend to get people of all shapes and sizes at swingers clubs/events. I believe it’s harder for a couple looking for another couple to find the right couple than it is for a single guy looking for a female. I tend to stay away from the ones I don’t find attractive and focus on the ones that I do.
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Yes, same here. Much easier to find an attractive, compatible ONE.
 
As far as i see it swinging has always been more for couples and single Ladies than single guys. my recent (pre-corona) experience is that there are genuine groups who understand that lifestyle with some experinece as well who naturally get older. And there are newer groups who find it hard to attract new people (and maybe also because they are excluding older ones). All in all i think there is the right time for every lifestyle or fashion. Swinging might have reached its peak already and be on a decline today. ❓

i think there is something (more) about the whole idea behind swinging that reaches far beyond sex. And if people see it as nothing more then having sex, well, then there's tinder. :|
 
makemeacuckold said:
I know using the word "ugly" in the title is quite provocative, but hear me out.

In a fantasy world a swingers party would be full of sexy people. Everyone would be in perfect shape and absolutely stunning to look at.

However, in reality, (this is based off assumptions, I've never been to one) a swingers party is likely to consist of people of all shapes and sizes - skinny and fat, attractive and ugly, young and old. I suppose it's like going to a regular bar or club really.

My question to the people who have been to these kinds of things is, what's it really like? I'm not saying my wife and I are both perfect 10s, but if a short balding ugly old man approached us instead of a handsome athletic guy, I'm sure it'd immediately turn my wife off and she'd want to leave.

I hope I've articulated myself well enough to ask the question in a reasonable manner. I'm in no way saying ugly, old, fat people can't be swingers and can't be sexy, I'm just saying people like what they like and it must be difficult to feel sexy if you're surrounded by people you don't find attractive.
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I have never personally been to a public swinger club event, but I have been to many private residential and hotel events and the people hosting the events tend to invite people who are as attractive as they are or better. I have never been to a party which usually had a least several couple's and didn't bang every woman in the room. There are usually a couple of hot single women too and several fit hung single black bulls. Its usually the hubby's that are the oldest or most average looking persons there which is not an insult but that's why the bulls are there.

Of course at an all inclusive public swingers club you will have average, fit, and bbw women all getting dick down by a slew of men. The most unattractive person can win at a swinger club because there are plenty of horny thirsty people seeking to have sex with whomever they can. Looking at the majority of bbc cuckold homemade porn being fit, solidly hung, and full of stamina is definitely not a requirement. I do plan on attending a club even when all of this pandemic stuff is over and see what's it's like but I definitely do not think it will be as good as the private more exclusive stuff!
 
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You will find that all shapes, sizes, and ages of folk will be at swinger events because people of all shapes sizes, and ages enjoy sex (one way or another).

What is important to embrace is that being approached by someone you are not attracted to is -not- an insult or a signal to leave an event. We can assure you that if you do go to an event, and don't radiate too much anxiety, you will most certainly be approached by people you don't want to play with.

Handling this is simple. "Thank you, but we are not interested in playing" is a widely accepted and mature response to this situation, and being ready to tell people this (and hear it in turn from people you ask to play) is going to be necessary if you are going to enjoy the swinging lifestyle in a healthy way.

And, yes, it can be (and usually is) a bit frustrating when you go get all dolled up and go to an event to learn that the crowd you're in hasn't exercised in any way once they got out of high school and you don't want to play with anyone. It happens. When it does (and we do say "when"), you can either (a) leave or (b) stay, socialize, and be into one another in a sexy environment and make the best of it with one another as your focus. Plus, putting in some practice time in that environment, if if you don't want to play with anyone, never hurts.

Oh - and don't focus on being negative, because that'll seep in deep and hard and ruin both your night and your vibe going forward. Re-frame, make the best of things, enjoy the event for what it is, and move forward to the next event.
 
I used to be in the lifestyle...At least where I was at , there where different clubs that catered to tastes...From high end to the good ole back yard style down home places...And yes there are folks from all walks of life and shapes...Heck a lot of times I never had sex, but a good meal, drinks and conversation with various people...These places where great networking for business and etc...There is an etiquette to this lifestyle...It's not a free for all, there are ground rules and respect for other people...It was great experience for me...Cheers!
 
Lebain said:
I used to be in the lifestyle...At least where I was at , there where different clubs that catered to tastes...From high end to the good ole back yard style down home places...And yes there are folks from all walks of life and shapes...Heck a lot of times I never had sex, but a good meal, drinks and conversation with various people...These places where great networking for business and etc...There is an etiquette to this lifestyle...It's not a free for all, there are ground rules and respect for other people...It was great experience for me...Cheers!
Click to expand...
Exactly....great for networking and business related matters
 
makemeacuckold said:
I know using the word "ugly" in the title is quite provocative, but hear me out.

In a fantasy world a swingers party would be full of sexy people. Everyone would be in perfect shape and absolutely stunning to look at.

However, in reality, (this is based off assumptions, I've never been to one) a swingers party is likely to consist of people of all shapes and sizes - skinny and fat, attractive and ugly, young and old. I suppose it's like going to a regular bar or club really.

My question to the people who have been to these kinds of things is, what's it really like? I'm not saying my wife and I are both perfect 10s, but if a short balding ugly old man approached us instead of a handsome athletic guy, I'm sure it'd immediately turn my wife off and she'd want to leave.

I hope I've articulated myself well enough to ask the question in a reasonable manner. I'm in no way saying ugly, old, fat people can't be swingers and can't be sexy, I'm just saying people like what they like and it must be difficult to feel sexy if you're surrounded by people you don't find attractive.
Click to expand...
What did you expected? Top models,pornstars...just normal peoole
 
makemeacuckold said:
I know using the word "ugly" in the title is quite provocative, but hear me out.

In a fantasy world a swingers party would be full of sexy people. Everyone would be in perfect shape and absolutely stunning to look at.

However, in reality, (this is based off assumptions, I've never been to one) a swingers party is likely to consist of people of all shapes and sizes - skinny and fat, attractive and ugly, young and old. I suppose it's like going to a regular bar or club really.

My question to the people who have been to these kinds of things is, what's it really like? I'm not saying my wife and I are both perfect 10s, but if a short balding ugly old man approached us instead of a handsome athletic guy, I'm sure it'd immediately turn my wife off and she'd want to leave.

I hope I've articulated myself well enough to ask the question in a reasonable manner. I'm in no way saying ugly, old, fat people can't be swingers and can't be sexy, I'm just saying people like what they like and it must be difficult to feel sexy if you're surrounded by people you don't find attractive.
Click to expand...
i start with my exwife visiting swingerclubs _ to find a couple.
mostly it cames out as a single man or more. it is not easy to find the right guy but it is much more difficult to find the right guy with the right woman aside. that s one of the reasons i am what i am and like to be a stag cuckold.
 
I’ve never been as anything other than a single. Most cases I was invited by a couple or a good friend. A lot of times I’ve been considered the extra surprise for ladies to crave their interest in trying a black man. I’ve had mixed reactions about my level of attraction to some of these ladies. Let’s face it, there still has to be something there. Hard to not come off as rude you just don’t feel it. Also an over-involved partner can ruin it regardless of how attractive the woman can be. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been to one, but I agree with a lot of these posts, it’s nit a porno, it’s reality. Most people aren’t a perfect 10 but it’s not just about looks either. (It helps though)

J
 
personally your words lead me to believe you and your wife are shallow minded people. You judge by looks not accomplishment or the true personality. Nearly thirty years in the lifestyle, stay away they are just people. All sizes, shapes and colors. Many in truth are in that lifestyle for variety. Most are friendly, polite and often well educated. Some are very successful in their professions. But then they might be ten pounds overweight or have a receding hair line. You seek a selection of a very limited variety. Your looking for what you consider a perfect ten. They might just judge you as a complete person. I think of one such man who was so impressed by his own image in the mirror he was often ignored , Those plain everyday people who were not as impressed as he. He reeked with a I'm better than you because of his looks that no one cared to tolerate. The plainest female there would not bed or even participate in a lengthy conversation. He had the looks but on the whole was rated very low buy the group.
 
Depends where you go. Miami had some of the hottest women i have ever seen in a Swingers Club. Cleveland/Pittsburgh had a lot of "normal" types. Unfortunately also a lot of people who gave zero effort on appearance.
Just stating the facts.
 
We were swingers long before this lifestyle and enjoyed the years. To us it was about attitude, not body style or type. If we had met you two, we would have passed not matter what you looked liked. Your attitude would have turned my wife off in 10 seconds.
 
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